aragah! Looks like an "undyed" spot is throughout the whole skien of brown sheep cotton fleece! I worked yesterday's odd strand through so the "white" section was more to the wrong side, only to come across more spots today. One of them is too big to hide (it travels through 2-3 stitches) and there are actually three stitches in that row that have white spots. People in class thought I was overreacting, but once I explained that I'd paid full price for the yarn and the other colors were fine they pretended to understand. (thank you to PumpkinMama for the hint on how to post two (or more!) pictures at the same time!) I'm off to see if I can find an email for BrownSheep; if nothing else I'll let them know that this color in this lot has a few undyed sections. (I really don't want to take the sweater out, and so that's not really an option; I'd take it to the shop I got the yarn at to let them know, but I collected these skeins over a few months at several shops and don't remember where this color came from.)  

Knot Impressed

Within the first row of the lighter purple ("prairie lupine" - which I pronoucne as "lou-pin") I found a knot. I wasn't happy, but left room to untie it and weave in ends (if that's what the protocol is - I'm not sure?). I continued to knit, and this morning found myself looking down and my knitting in class; there was an undyed section in the same color of yarn! I worked it in the best I could, but you can still see where the white shows through. I'm a believer in things happening in threes - any guesses for what else might happen with this color? (this won't keep me from buying brown sheep yarn in the future, but it has knocked them down off the pedestal I used to put them on.) It should be noted that both abnormalities have lined up to be in the same section of the sweater.....

(another shot of the same yarn; I've been trying to post more then one picture at a time, but each attempt winds up failed; anyone who uses "hello" have any ideas?) 

after several false starts, the cotton fleece sweater has begun. (It was due to start yesterday, but I was running late and though I remembered to gather up all of the yarns and the pattern and (I thought) the needle, it wasn't meant to be; I found the circular needle on the floor of my kitchen when I got home. I still have no idea how it got there or when it fell out of my bag....) I wasn't going to cut the strands, but I can see that it might be worth saving my sanity to snip them a few times during this process. (I'm still not totally convinced that I will have enough yarn to finish it but I am doing my best not to think about it.) 

Finished! (the pic is poor because the sun wasn't out today and the bathroom was the best I could do). The original pattern (from Adorable Knits for Tots) was done with cotton glace; I knit this up in saucy sport and patons grace. The buttons were supposed to be on the outside placket, but I put the button holes there instead (and the buttons are on the straps, thus, in theory, making it adjustable.) I took out my cast on edges in order to expand the bottom seed stitch edge for fear it wouldn't be long enough. I then blocked the living daylights out of it so it'd (again, in theory) big enough. I'm learning my lesson - when knitting for kids, always make it MUCH bigger then you think you'll need it to be.... 

happiness is....

- the sun poking through the clouds (after a day and a half of rain) in time for the sunset
- finding the perfect color pink thread for sewing on buttons (who knew I had so many shades of pink thread to choose from?!?)
- my dad buying a harley motorcycle
- knowing I knit too much when I use a ball band from a project as my bookbookbook bookmark.

Overall this has been a low-key weekend, and I'm glad I had some down time before the busy week starts. We have a take home "essay" (read: busywork) due and the days are packed with lectures and my last preceptorship.

I am stalling in starting my next sweater because I'm worried I'm going to run out of yarn; I know it's irrational, and silly and crazy, and it's not like me to "worry" about such things (let alone before I even start them!). I had settled on doing a top down raglan because it'd be easier and more portable and I'm sure once I cast on I'll be so involved in the striping that running out of yarn won't cross my mind again. Until it (potentially) happens. I think it's a sign that I care a lot about this - usually I dive in and knit along, making changes and altering along the way.

(I was going to start it last night but was too tired to make the math of the generic pattern work out; it uses measurements from another sweater and I wrote them all down so I'd be able to keep track of them. It wasn't until there weren't enough stitches that I realized I had only measured one side of the neck and had forgotten to double it....I put it down and went to bed instead of risking more mistakes!)

if I were a sweater pattern,

where would I be?

Debra left me a great comment, and I've been trying to get my hands on the Green Mountain Spinnery pattern so I can tell her exactly what it's called; but I can't find it. In fact, I can only put my hands on a few of my patterns right now, and I have no idea where the others are. (I've moved, things are still in boxes, I have to move again this summer - at some point everything will surface....) So far as I can remember it was someone's (a female name, I think? Rosemary?) favorite sweater. Tunic style, rolled edges, and there were small, short cables on either side of the shoulder seams. I need to find that pattern because it's the second one I bought (for the sweater I took apart); the first one went MIA during my high school years after I stowed the project. Thank goodness I remembered (years later) that the pattern had a drawing of a sheep on it, or else the kind women at the yarn shop would never have been able to help me find it again....

I'm also looking for one of my sweater patterns to see if I can make it into a cardigan. I really want to get started on the cotton fleece sweater (the swatch was "washed" and has dried and now I'm even more excited to get started) and now that the jumper is almost finished (it's blocking on the floor next to me - more on that saga (with pictures) once it's dry) I feel like I can move on. I was leaning towards the in the round top down generic ragalan sweater, but the pattern I have doesn't have great directions for the sleeves. Perhaps I should consult my new book and see what it has to offer.

I'm a self-professed starter, but am making more of an effort to be a starter AND a finisher. Working on things for other people has proven to be a good motivator to finish things, but it's true that I enjoy the process and could (sometimes) care less about getting a final product out of the deal. Knitting has truely become a part of my life - I'm not sure when it happened, but I think I'll be doing it as long as I can, which is, ideally, the rest of my life.

(edited to add: it appears I ended with a very unlike me thing at the end there; sorry about that. My knitting came up at a workshop today and I'm still working on putting into words what it has taught me how to do. The basic idea is about dividing my attention, but I think it goes beyond that now. I can't claim it'll make sense, but I can hope.....)

Where in the world......?

The question of where I am in the world has come up before – though usually via email. I haven’t tried to be mysterious or hide my location (I promise!) but instead I’m worried about the power of google.

That, and it’s a small world up here, and instead of the usual “6 degrees of separation” it’s more like “two degrees, three on a bad day, of separation.” (For instance: yesterday’s clinical lecturer has a daughter; my mom was one of her daughters middle school teachers. Another example? One of my undergrad professors found out I was from here and said, “oh I know someone up there.” I asked who it was, and she commented I probably wouldn’t know her….but I persisted and it turns out I used to babysit and teach swim lessons to the kids of the only person she knows from here. These examples are common, and I’m worried about how the connections will grow once I’m in the middle of the medical world.

But, there seems to be enough interest (if people going back through old posts looking for something that tells them where I am is any indication) so I’ll simply say that this is my local yarn store when I’m here. Next year? I’m going north; not as far north as I could go, but further north then I am now to a residency program (I'm not a resident yet - the program accepts third year medical students). The school I attend is the only med school up here. (The links on the side down there were my other hint – I grew up with lots of books that had hidden twists and we always try and outdo ourselves with our own versions…) If you want more info, feel free to email me - the address is at the end of my "profile."

The pile of CottonFleece started growing when I saw a striped cotton sweater that I wanted, but figured I could make myself. The initial colors were the brighter colors – magenta, lime, the deep blue and purples, the teal green and mustard yellow. I knit up the front part of the sweater, but then ripped it out when I thought my stitches too uneven. I liked the colors, but they were bright and as time went by I picked up a few other colors to try and mix in – hence the pile. The colors I swatched up and decided to knit this time around? Out of all of them only one of them is one of the original colors! I ran by the yarn store this morning to pick up the lighter green (it’s called spryte, and it beat out banana for the position in the swatch). I feel bad about not using more of my original colors, but I have enough for another sweater – so it’s not all a loss. (acquiring yarn over time and then making a striped sweater is new for me, but this might work out again in the future…..)

I hope seven skeins of will be enough – I don’t have a pattern yet (that’s the next step and it’s between a top down knit in the “round” one piece raglan cardigan, or a modified cardigan from a pieced together (dropped shoulders - which I’d change to set-in sleeves) sweater pattern) but I think it’ll work out. If it doesn’t I’ll come up with something – I can’t bring myself to try and find yet another color to try and work into the scheme…..(I’m leaning towards the raglan but have been known to change my mind.)

My board reviewing is going okay and I’m off to do more of that tonight. We’re into the endocrine system, which is our last system before we have a week long course on the emergency room and suture/knot tying. This system is going well so far, partially because we’ve had great lecturers. It’s bringing out my inner biochemist – something I thought I had lost! I am fascinated by the way the chemicals in our bodies regulate themselves in a way that we don’t totally understand. I’m glad we’re almost done, and knowing that we’re this much closer to the end is a good thing.

after numerous swatches, I think I have a winner. I wasn't sure about the light "antique lace" color on the far left, but people at school thought it looked okay, and I agree. (after looking at 10 different combinations all knit up I felt I needed a second opinion!)  

If only there were a book for "yarn wispering." (what do you want to be oh lovely pile of cotton fleece? a simple striped sweater? a daring intarsia cardigan? a go at fair isle??) 

It's like.....a big family reunion?

knitting: I finished the second part of the jumper today, and need to seam the front and back together so I can pick up stitches and knit around the arm holes. Then I'll pick stitches up off the holders and start on the straps! The front piece is much more even, and I'm pleased with how it's coming out!

I have a few possibilities of what's next up on the needles, but it looks like I'm going to need to do some swatching, some pattern tinkering or some pattern creating before I can start on anything. The other option is to buy yarn but (as I look over at all the yarn that is just dying to be picked from my stash) that's not really an option.

other med school/social rambling: There are roughly 120 students in my class, and it's begun to hit all of us that we are almost done with our second year and our time together is coming to an end. During our "orientation" to medical school I remember looking around our HUGE lecture hall (it was larger then any classroom I had in undergrad) thinking that I'd never be able to know everyone, let alone keep their names straight.

I think that mindset lasted a month; by then I knew most people by face, and after some small group work, could name almost half of our class. Throughout the first year our class developed the usual groups (or dare I say cliques?) and people began drifting to the same type of people. By the end of the year I knew who everyone was, what car they drove, who was dating who (either other people in our class or people from outside school), and how things (in general) with everyone were going. By our last exam we were all cranky and tired and it felt like a family reunion with 120 cousins who all just wanted to go home.

Thankfully we came back with renewed spirits and energy this past July; most of us had survived our first year without too much difficulty, and that meant half of the "two years in the lecture hall" battle had been won. There were five new babies born in our first year (all girls!) and we found out that there were a few more due this year. (I think we're waiting for another three little ones to be born - another little girl was born a month or so ago.)

The trouble now is that we're all reaching the tired and cranky point again, but we're not done in May like we were last year. The big difference this year is that except for a two week "review" back on campus at the end of our third year, we won't be together as a class of 120(ish) again until graduation. It's begun to hit some people, and it's been interesting to see how some are handling it.

the social aspect:
Most people came into school fitting one type of social "dating" category:
1. married
2. dating with the intent to marry
3. single with the intent to meet someone in school
4. single with the intent to meet someone outside of school
5. single with the intent to make it through school in one piece

People who are in category 1 have done okay this year; there have been some tense moments between couples who aren't used to having a third "person" (called school) in their marriage, but most have figured it out.

Those in cateogry 2 have been fun to watch; some broke up with long standing boy/girl friends because of the distance or the stress of school (long hours and no free time were hard to continually explain were often the explainations, and it is hard to be in it and relate to people who have free time and money of their own) and some have made it work - it's been said that those who have made it work will be together forever because of the stress this puts on a relationship. A few of my classmates came back from breaks engaged, and there are a few people on the "watch" list that we all suspect will be engaged/married before we all graduate. (and a few more people who are gearing up to propose this summer and have been getting advice from those that have already done so...)

Cateogry 3 is a crapshoot; most of the couples I know that met and started "dating" (it's a loose term, and sometimes stemed from studying together or other group work) have been able to keep it together and remain a couple. The mindset of coming into school in hopes of finding the love of your life is understandable, but now I can't imagine I ever felt that way. I see it as dating a cousin, with the whole family there to watch. (With all that said there are a few people that I know are really great together and I wish them all the best of luck!)

4 and 5? Could be the same caterogry for most people. I've been in relationships in the past and figured I'd find someone while I was in school; after realizing the mentality of most of my classmates ruled out 3, then I aimed for 4, which then became 5. I don't know how people have time to be social outside of school; it could just be me, as I find trying to meet people draining and exhausting, but I'm not sure when they had the time. Explaining that you have eight million things to be studying is easier when in an established relationship then I can imagine it being in a new relationship with someone from the "outside."

I write all this because I am sick of being single, but don't have the time or energy to do anything about it right now. I look forward to when I am more "out there" in the world, and am not stuck in a lecture hall or my apartment trying to study. Going back to a smaller, more rural area next year may not bode well for my social life, but at least I know that I'll be busy all hours of the day and night and it might not feel as though I am as lonely as I am now.

(BUT - I should point out that I would have been an awful, awful girlfriend this year; the poor soul would have had to listen to my crying and complaining about how much I hate this med school thing and how I don't think it'll be worth it and blah, blah, blah, so I'm almost glad I saved whoever it might have been from that experience!)

I could go on and on about how I feel like my class average right now (less then average) and how much I hate that, but instead I should return to my board studying. I'm taking a pratice, abbreviated board-style exam in the morning and I'm hoping it'll be the motivation I need to get going with my own reviews and what it takes to kick my memory back into high gear.

future posts may include how much easier this whole experience would be if I were a competitive person (I'm not - I can't even pretend to be competitive), how I hope I can overcome my less then average grades with some creative wordplay in my reccomendations, and how glad I will be when my time in the rat race called medical school is over. People, doctors, warned me it would be like this, but I was so happy and excited to be doctor someday that I didn't think it'd happen to me.....

Allison (over at The Blue Blog) has posted a picture of what manatees look like in an aquarium. When I was in Florida last December, we went to a Manatee preserve; I was hoping to see a few, and we did; trying to capture them on film was a challenge....and so I present you with a few "other" views of manatees....(studying, yes, I'm going back to studying now; I've aced all of the old exams and am moving onto pharmacology now....) 

grace underwater 

one of the best pics!
(two of them surfaced, and if you look close you can see a "snout" on the left - they came up and disappeared at random, and very very quickly!)

happiness is.....

- a weekend on the lake with the cats (the one pictured is the one nearest and dearest to my heart; any attempt to get all three of them into one picture was laughable....)
- take-out from three of my all time favorite places; one for burgers, one night of pizza and today's lunch special from the best chinese place in the state
- getting back into town in the late afternoon and finding a parking spot right in front of my building
- the four loads of laundry I did while "home" for free
- a clean bill of health from my doctor and advice from Margene that helped to keep my arm from getting too sore
- being able to see (the woman I consider) my godmother while in town
- the wonder that is the bookbookbook; I feel like she's somehow read my mind! (the post I wrote about Sonnet's sleeve not growing? I'm not the only one who has experienced the black-hole phenomenon....)
- joining the new "back-tack" group for a knitting notions sewing swap-a-roo

I have a test tomorrow, and am going to spend the rest of the evening reviewing; I'm tired (in more ways then one) and so my studying and reviewing has been taking me twice as long as I thought it would. This week is a busy one, but with any luck I'll make some progress on my projects. I have nothing new to report on Sonnet - I took it home to show my parents who said the same thing I did: it looks better off me then it does on me....

Thursday that feels like Friday (the week before a Monday exam)

so that I will forever (or at least the next week or so) be wondering what day it actually is.

I had this morning "off" (some of my classmates had preceptorships out in doctors offices) and I enjoyed sleeping in and drinking tea in my pajamas. Our presentation was last night, and I'm glad it's over. It went well because I was lucky enough to be paired with people who are able to think on their feet; I work well under time pressure, but have a ways to go before I fell truely confident aswering questions in front of qualified docs as fast as they want me to. The presentation was to diagnose a patient based on a case we were given 48 hours earlier; it's to get us thinking about how we'll prioritize possible diagnoses when we're with patients next year. The whole exercise is well thought out and makes sense, if for no other reason then the experience of being able to complete a thought in "pimping" fashion.

Today feels like Friday because tomorrow is slated to be a "study" day, and we don't have any classes scheduled. I have lots and lots of material to cover and go over before our Monday exam, and think it'll be possible to do well with this "three day weekend."

I'm headed north to my parents house tonight so I don't have to get up early to be on the road for a doctor's appointment tomorrow. The clinical sites we're at next year (and the year after) have strict requirements about our vaccinations and boosters and I'm due for a tetanus booster. I'm not excited about it, and hope that my memory of not being able to use my arm for a few days isn't what will happen this time.

Most of my classmates have already started reviewing for our upcoming boards, and I've got to get going with my own review. I took a long look at several different board review books before ordering the ones that I felt I could justitfy (they aren't cheap!) and they should be here (or there, as they are actually being delivered to my parents house - UPS doesn't like to deliver to apartments) by tomorrow! I'm excited for the shipment for a few reasons; one is that I took a look at a "sale on knitting books" (as a part of their "spring crafts and hobbies sale") that Barnes and Noble was having, and felt I could add "The Knitter's Handy Book of Patterns" and the bookbookbook to my order. I haven't gotten the bookbookbook yet because I kept thinking my lys would have it; they don't yet, and I'm too afraid to go back for fear that I'll buy more yarn.

(Jury is still out on when I might be able to get it signed, but with any luck it will have touched the hands of The Harlot by the end of May....)

(on the buying more yarn subject: Webs is having a massive sale. Things like cascade 220 are included in the sale, and the prices are good. Way too good. I have been visiting the site, and then closing the window for fear I'll buy yarn without thinking, and then later regret it (this has never happened, but there's a first time for everything...). I'm still on a budget, but this week, as I was filling my gas tank, I realized that I don't bat an eye at a $30 tank of gas that will last me two weeks, so why should I feel guilty about $30 worth of yarn that will last much longer then two weeks? And with all that being said, I still have a gift certificate to the local store in my parent's neck of the woods - but I can't bring myself to spend it on just anything, possibly because it was from my parents and it shocked me that they thought of it! I like supporting the locals, trust me, but on a budget it's hard. I am living for the day I can walk into a self-supporting locally owned yarn store and buy whatever yarns appeal to me for a project; that, to me, will be financial success.)

The little one's project is moving along, but true to form I played with the pattern, and hope I remember what I did so the second half will match. It was almost exclusively knit in class, and I need to get some post-it notes to keep in my bag so that my almost illegible handwritten notes (It's true that poor handwriting is a part of my training; I swore it wouldn't happen, but somehow it has....) stick with the patterns I'm using. I have a notecard with the modifications I made somewhere....

I'm cat-sitting for the weekend and with any luck will have pictures of the three fabulous felines playing with handknit catnip mice.

what a difference a few months make....(Melanie asked how my car was doing, and I realized I never got around to posting the "look the park is snow-free!" pictures!) Kennedy is doing well, though I am keeping an eye on a few rust patches that appeared almost overnight. I'm waaaay overdue for an oil change, but hope to remedy that this weekend. She's still running like a charm (knock on wood) and I'm still making due with a driver's side window that won't roll down.... 

a better picture of the (bright!) colors; please feel free to ignore the uneven stitches. I (never thought I'd say that I) don't mind working with cotton, but do wish it hid the "knit in class so tension is varried" tension as well as wool does!  

The radioactive back of a little one's jumper. (of all the pictures I took (trust me, there were many) this is the one that shows the shaping the best. I actually like how it looks like it's glowing; I like to think I've knit some sort of superpower into it for the little one that will wear it..... 

A post from within the walls of school...

(my laptop has lived at home for the past several months and it’s odd to have it here in one of the coveted small study rooms at school…I came in early today to work on a case presentation with my group.)

Yesterday’s “deliver a plastic baby though a simulated birth canal” workshop was an experience. I can only hope, for both the sake of the mom and myself, that the first few women I examine to determine dilation/effacement/station are heavily drugged and are not able to feel anything. (which I find a bit odd because I’ve always said I’d support natural childbirth and will attempt my own labors without drugs…) We had five different models to try, each with a different degree of dilation; I have a ways to go before I can tell the difference between 6-8 centimeters! (at that point the babies head is protruding through the cervix, and I had a hard time reaching my small fingers around to see where the cervix was.)

One of the midwives there had on a sweater I recognized immediately; it was handknit from a Green Mountain Spinnery pattern I have – it was the pattern I had hoped to be my first ever sweater! (this was 7-8 years ago and it has since been ripped so the Encore yarn could be reclaimed.) She thought it was strange that a student questioned her about her sweater, but seemed to warm up to the idea that another knitter was in her midst. I guess not all knitters like to talk about the things they’ve made?

I brought my latest cotton project to work on today, but I’m not sure how far I’ll get on it. My group has all left the room to find lunch, and I’m hoping to get a few rows done before I head to class at 1:00.

(I had an I’m a SUCH a democrat moment this morning when listening to the “America’s Majority” sponsored “Save Social Security” (even though it doesn’t need saving and there are much more important things to be working on) “hip hop” themed radio commercial aimed at the “young working generation” on my way in. I’m ready for my local NPR to be done with the fundraising pledge breaks…)

happiness is....

- moving my table workspace back into the "spring/summer" spot near the windows (as opposed to the middle of the room away from the drafty breeze)
- a midafternoon nap
- finding several loads of laundry worth of quarters I'd "hidden" today
- no exams this week, and two "easy" days this week so I can dive into board studying
- knowing I'm not the only one who knit up Sonnet only to find out it isn't flattering at all

I put Sonnet aside and will think about what to do with it later this week; I think I'm going to take my noro sweater out and aim for a Karalund like pattern with the yarn, but that might change too. I have a few small things that I'm working on now, but I'd really like to be able to make a sweater for myself.

Tomorrow we're doing an obstetrics skills lab with a model of a baby's head and a woman's pelvis so we can learn the presentations (both normal and abnormal) that are possible. It's been fun to watch the faces of the guys in our class as we have learned about the process of birth; I can't wait to deliver babies, but that isn't everyone's opinion! (according to my third year schedule I'll be on the OB service in November-December of this year, after the 12 weeks of internal medicine I have from August-November.)

oh! I almost forgot! Mia, another second year, northeast knitting med student, has a new blog!

an attempt at using my camera timer; you can see how the sleeves "poof" out at the seams, and the neck stayed up (because I had just hefted it back into place). I also look like I've gained ten pounds, which I think is the nature of the boxy-ness. (I'm not sure what the deal is with the side of it poofing out, that was ne to me....) I may not be done tweaking this just yet. 

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly. (The good? Sonnet is done! The bad? on me, it looks, truth be told, rather ugly. I'm disappointed with my reflection in the mirror and am going to wait and see what I can do to fix it; part of it is a seaming problem - one shoulder "poofs" out a bit and looks silly, but that's an easy fix. The overwelming problem is the neck; it doesn't stay square (like it's pictured) when it's on, and looks awful.)

let the seaming fun begin! (the sleeves really are the same size even though they don't look like it here; the seaming will commence after I finish the button band.) The end is near!  

a watched pot never boils and

a sweater sleeve constantly measured never grows?

I.....am.........almost..........done..........with the second sonnet sleeve. I keep looking at it thinking that it *must* be the required 18.5 inches long, but every time I measure it, it seems to be stuck at 15 inches. Why, oh why, are the last 3.5 inches taking.....so......long?

(I had hoped to have it done and seamed so I could post a picture tonight, but alas, it'll have to be tomorrow. We have another 8 hours of lecture (and an hour long optional lunch lecture that I'll probably attend, so it's really 9 possible hours) tomorrow, and I forsee a finished sleeve by the end of the day tomorrow!

(and, with any luck, I'll have made progress on my other project and possibly started a new one?)

a new project (knit in cotton with size 3's) and my still not finished sonnet sleeve. I had high hopes of getting it closer to done today, but ran out of yarn in lecture hour 2 (of 6) this morning. (I'd thought to get the next skein out of my stash and came home to find it waiting on my table, a sign that my good intentions didn't play out.) As you can see from this picture, I haven't gotten around to doing as Kat in Boston and Lorrette suggested for unkinking the circulars. Perhaps that will happen during a study break this evening......  

happiness is....

- my vintage stove-top coffee percolator/espresso maker (which I'll be using from now on as my fully automated with a timer drip coffeemaker brewed it's last cup of coffee (ever) yesterday before dying sometime last night)
- organic creamy tomato soup from a "ready to serve!" resealable container
- knowing that repro is a two exam system (and thus tomorrow's exam is only part of my grade, not my entire grade)
- a new Grey's Anatomy tonight

tomorrow looks to be a busy day in the land of medical knowledge: our repro exam is in the morning (it starts at 10am which will feel like 9am; I hate the spring time change....) followed by a lunch meeting and four hours of class (and perhaps time to knit?). Tomorrow (in the early) evening I'm headed to the clinic for my assigned breast exam/pap smear/pelvic exam experience with the simulated patient volunteer. There will be a nurse in the room with me, but I am still nervous and look forward to the experience being over. I saw more then 15 exams (on "real" patients) last year during a preceptorship, but still worry about how tomorrow will go. I was worried about the prostate exam situation, but had nothing to compare it to. I find myself crossing my legs whenever I look over my materials and know from personal experiences that it can be uncomfortable. (I'll be chanting to myself: they are volunteers, they are getting paid for this, they know how to help me do this correctly...)

I feel as though I am incredibly unprepared for tomorrow's exam and all day have been looking for the motivation to keep studying. The truth? I just don't care anymore. I am tired and sick of school. Now that we all have pseudo "plans" for what our third year will look like, I just want to be done with the lecture hall! That's not to say that I don't like or care about this material, because I do - I just can't wait until it feels clinically based, and isn't as though I'm learning (okay, to be honest I feel like I'm just struggling to memorize, but that's for another day) facts about diseases that are so rare I may never see a case of it. I hope to retain enough knowledge to do well on the boards and be able to get through some of the pimping (PIMP = put in my place = all those questions they ask the students/residents on the medical shows) but I know that I will need to do a lot of reading and looking up next year.

Knitting: I have returned to the sonnet sleeve only to put it down again; the mistakes I've made are foolish, and it hasn't been worth the frustration. I'm packing it to work on tomorrow, but I'm also bringing along my next project. I started swatching for it last night and had a hell of a time trying to figure out which needles to use and why my 4's and 5's were coming out the same. It wasn't until I dug out my gauge-thinger-mybobber that I realized the problem: the 5's were really 4's. Does this happen on a regular basis? I was shocked, and now know that I need to check my needles to make sure they are what they say they are!

(I realize in my pics that you aren't seeing my bamboo needles; I don't own any Addi's (which means that I have room to grow for the future, I know, I know) and until I figure out how to un-kink the plastic on circular needles I'm sticking with my straights. I hate the extra tension I feel when my needles are all kinked up and don't know how all of you tried and true sworn to circulars do it!)

do you see what I saw? (alternate proposed caption: perhaps that's why I'm not getting the reccomended gauge....)  

the knitting gnomes go into hiding as soon as I don't need dpn's anymore.  

perhaps knitting during the lottery wasn't a good idea...I ripped back after I made my first mistake only to make a similar mistake a few rows later! (see it in the upper right hand side? those are all supposed to be knit stitches, and I veered from the course and decided to do the box stitch in the wrong place....) I have decided to put this down for the time being and am going to plan what to do next instead. Fixing it once was okay but going back again tonight (I'm tired!) sounds like too much work right now. The lottery is over and most people are pleased with where they are going! I knew what geographic spot I was going to (thanks to the state funding), and track selection wasn't as bad as it could have been; I got my third choice, which wasn't too bad considering I was the 5th person to pick!  

April 1st

today is our lottery for next year (see below) and I'm keeping away from the anxiety of my classmates at school until I have to be there this evening (avoidance is a coping skill, I know, I know). I'm not worried about it, and think it'll all work out the way it needs to, but I'm not the norm. Med students are a bit obsessive, and like to plan. They want to know how it will work out before it actually works out, and based on what I saw last year (helping out with the lottery) that only leads to disappointments when what they planned for doesn't actually work out.

I am looking forward to the knitting I'll get done tonight during the lottery! The whole process is long, and can be drawn out (for a varitey of reasons) and I think I'll finally be able to finish the second sonnet sleeve. If I'm not able to finish it I know what I'll be working on this weekend; I am so sick of knitting it, but can't wait till it's finished! Now that it's warming up (suddenly the snow is gone and it's above freezing every day - either Spring snuck in or I was too busy with classes to see winter off!) the need to finish my heavy wool projects is great. I will still knit with wool, but I am ready to move onto a new project!

(note: we don't have to the do the lottery for our 4th year as we set it up ourselves. I'm hoping to play connect the dots across the country and have a few ideas about where I'd like to do some rotations. If there is a teaching hospital near you and you have a great yarn store let me know! :^)

a flash of my stash for your April 1st viewing pleasure. (I realize it doesn't look like a whole lot when compared to other people, but I was shocked to see how much yarn I had! The noro is on the upper right, cascade in the middle and the left is sock yarn and a few various wool yarns. The bottom right is cottons and other random yarns, and the Debbie Bliss cotton/wool is in the bag on the bottom left (hiding my vintage pyrex bowls that live in this built in!) I love that my apartment is older and has fabulous built in storage. (what you don't see is all the acrylic blends (for kids! for knitting for kids!) and other types of yarns hiding behind everything else)).