Monday, December 11, 2006

happiness is...

- 25 weeks until graduation
- a hot cup of black coffee and leftover canolli
- reading stories with two 4 1/2 year olds (who helped me turn pages and find animals in the pictures and pick out the next book to read...all of which helped me remember that there is more to life than medical school and research and residency interviews)
- a purring cat nearby, or on my lap
- spending time with a dog that, by this afternoon, would instantly flip over to her back and look at me with the "you know what to do" eyes implying that her belly needed rubbing, right now, please.
- hearing "it's good to have you back" from doctors and residents last week, my first week (back) in this hospital system.

My original goal of creating a "happiness is..." list on Sunday was to help me remember the things that are/were going well at the start of the week - even though I couldn't keep up with the rest of the week, I'd try and find something to write about on Sunday. I'm going to try and get back into the swing of it simply because it helps me to keep things in perspective - life is busy. I am ready to be done with medical school.

And, after thinking about it, my wanting to be done boils down to how sickI am of living out of my car.

Friday evening I took off for Cate's house, and it was difficult to round up my things to head out today. Their addition is perfect (it looks, and feels, like it's always been there) and I can't quite come up with the right words for how great it is to spend time with H&E, as well as Cate and R. This was a trial run, of sorts, and I'm looking forward to seeing them again, for a longer stint, in the future.

All day today things felt "off" and I couldn't put my finger on what was bothering me; or, rather, nagging me just out of reach. It wasn't until I'd crossed state lines this evening before I realized that it's the feeling that comes with not having my own home to return to. Every four weeks, for the past 6 months, I've been in a different geographical location. I've also travelled on the weekends, flown to and from places, and packed and repacked my car more times than I can count.

It's wearing me down and I'm ready to be paying rent again. I want to know what my address is and be able to send things there instead of having packages delivered to my friends all over New England. I want to be able to leave things in a place and know that they will still be there when I return (from work, a trip out, a weekend away, etc). I want to be able to have animals of my own, and wash dishes and have my own bathtub. I want to be able to pick up my Robin wheel and sit her in the front seat without having to rearrange the backpacks and important paper files and laundry simply to make room. Robin is still with Gil, and it kills me to know that my spinning time for this month is slowly ticking away...

Generally (and historically) I don't handle transition well, so on the one hand I'm glad I made it six months before loosing it. On the other hand, I'm going to be at this for another four months (at least) and that sounds like a long, long time.

I am ready to be done.

Very, very, very ready to be done.

______________________

I have a residency interview on Wednesday at my current rotation site and once that is over I'll have a better idea of what my future might hold. I am currently doing a geriatric rotation and love the program I'm at, the people I am working with, the patients that I've met, and how nice it can be to not fear going into the hospital on a daily basis. I think, aside from the above living situation wrinkles (wrinkles that I appear to have very little control over), this is the best I've felt in years.

______________________


I'm 25 weeks from being done with school, and after graduation this blog will be wrapped up. I am not sure what I'll do (if anything) blog-wise afterwards, but my time as the "med student who knits" will be over. I've always seen this as ending when I graduated, but (I don't think?) I've yet to put it out there. Reading though the past two years of posts, there has been a major switch over the past year - I've been writing more about medicine and my rotation experiences than my knitting. I regret that I haven't written more about what I'm working on, and wish I'd taken more pictures of my current projects. I do hope to try and work that out in the next six months...

22 Comments:

Blogger Sara Skates said...

I'm thinking the blog will morph into "former med student who knits"... please!

8:37 AM  
Blogger margene said...

Your life in the making, in trasition has been an interesting read for the rest of us, too. With an unknown future it may be difficult to imagine that you'll continue to blog. Please become a Doctor who knits. We want to know what life will be like for you on the other side of the degree.

10:07 AM  
Blogger julia fc said...

Yeah, dude: just rename and push the republish button. Something like Doctor Stitch, or Two Cats and a Doctorate of Medicine in the World's Best Apartment. With Wool.

11:05 AM  
Blogger maryse said...

i want to read more post-graduation. maybe knitter who just happens to be an intern.

12:10 PM  
Blogger Juno said...

I'm happy to read about you, whatever you're doing. So if you think you can pull the time to blog out of residency, I'll be here.

And it is so natural to want to have a place to stop moving. I can't believe it's only getting on your nerves NOW.

12:29 PM  
Blogger J. said...

yep I agree with them... it needs to morph cause we love ya to much to stop reading now... H & E are good like that, most 4 year olds are. settled is good - it will happen eventually and then you may look around and say WTF, I have been in one place for 2 years and not believe that it has been that long

1:45 PM  
Blogger Katy said...

keep blogging, girl.
And do let me know when you'll be back at Cate's. I would love to bring you some coffee and wool.

2:17 PM  
Anonymous Laurie said...

The blog changes, just as the life does. How else can you stay in touch with so many people at once?

2:26 PM  
Blogger katiedid said...

Resident Who Knits?

I'd love to continue reading your adventures in knitting and in medicine!

2:37 PM  
Anonymous naomi said...

Yup. I, too, encourage you to keep blogging, however sporadically. It'd be sad if you disappeared.

3:54 PM  
Anonymous Kim said...

How bout...Blog After Residency? We would all miss you :-)

8:25 PM  
Blogger janna said...

"Resident Who Knits" would be a great title! And I have to say that a med student's life is hard enough - add the nomad's life you've had to it, and I'm not sure many people would make it. Congratulations!

9:08 PM  
Blogger LadyLungDoc said...

How about "Trust me, I'm a Knitter" for a blog title?

It will be even more important for you to have a life outside medicine during residency; BTW - pick up "Staying Human during Residency" and "IronDoc:Practical Stress Management Tools for Physicians". They should be required reading for all MDs IMHO.

10:29 PM  
Anonymous mamacate said...

So glad you came. I know it's not the same, but I hope you feel settled at least a little when you're here for January. There's room, now, for private space, though I know it won't really feel like yours. Scoutie, of course, will consider you HERS, but that's par for the course.

Much love, and thanks for coming...

9:20 AM  
Blogger Nikki said...

I could have written this entry. I completely understand how you feel, right down to the feeling of living out of my car. We're almost there!

2:13 PM  
Blogger CrazyFiberLady said...

The lack of ability to place roots is very difficult and I can totally agree that the transitioning is so draining. I hope the next four months are easier on you. As for what happens after graduation? I'm with everyone else. Doctor Who Knits will certainly be on my blogroll. While knitting chatter is interesting, our blogs are much more. I've really enjoyed reading about your experience over the last year or so and that won't change once graduation comes.

1:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Exactly. You must continue to post, or else I might not know what's going on with you, and that would be sad. Gotta stay in touch somehow. I like Julia fC's title, but you've got 4 months to find a good one that suits you. Been looking for patterns for your graduation shawl, as you've only got 4 months to make it, but no avail....-kd

8:13 PM  
Anonymous med school mama said...

How about: Resident Knitter
I want to keep in touch too.

11:33 PM  
Blogger "Grandi" said...

I love LadyLungDoc's suggestion of "trust me I'm a knitter" for your new blog name! You can't just quit - I've enjoyed reading about your knitting/spinning/doctoring adventures!!

4:06 PM  
Blogger Theresa said...

What about "I'm not a knitter, i Just play one on TV?"

9:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i just wanted to say that i have been so grateful for your blog...i'm getting ready to go back to school and do my prerequisites so i can (fingers crossed) go to med school. i have many fears about doing this and one is that i'll never have time to knit. you've given me hope that maybe i too can be a med student who knits! i do hope you keep up some sort of blog so i can continue reading your experiences on a path i'm hoping to pursue!

2:58 PM  
Anonymous Kat with a K said...

I also really, really hope the blog won't go away. Also (and I should have mentioned this earlier but it didn't occur to me until I was catching up today) I live about 20 min from the Manchester airport, so if you ever feel like meeting up or need somewhere to crash if a plane is delayed or anything, let me know.

11:01 AM  

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