Friday, June 17, 2005

in a rut (but with hope to be out of it soon!)

the (very belated) birthday sock - tonight the heel (tomorrow, the world?) Posted by Hello

I’ve attempted to put all this into words in the past few days, but it never really materialized. I’m in a pseudo- project rut, and my attempts to jump out of it have been thwarted. Putting the striped sweater aside was harder then I thought it would be, and I haven’t yet found a sweater project to take its place. (the swatching for Rogue isn’t complete yet and I think it’ll be wrapped up sometime tonight while I’m watching British sitcoms on PBS. I’m leaning towards an olive colored cascade 220, but I need to make sure I can really (and reliably) get gauge….)

I have been working on my mom’s birthday sock; back in February I gave her a ball of yarn with the promise that a pair of socks would come out of it. It was on my “afterboards” project list, and I think the first one will be finished this weekend. (She’s a very patient woman and (I think?) will be excited whenever it’s finished.) The second one always moves faster, and I hope to be able to pass them off to her the next time I’m home. (the ulterior motive is that I’ll have a clear conscience and can start socks for me after this pair is finished!)

The fabric for my back-tack project has been sitting in highly visible spot in my apartment in hopes that my ideas will stew and solidify; I think I’ve figured out what I’m going to do with it, and will dive into that tomorrow. My hope is that what I can see in my head will transfer to my hands.

After thinking about it, it doesn’t really sound like I’m in a project rut, but it certainly feels that way. Perhaps it’d be better to say that I’m in a rut, and it feels like it’s spilling over into my projects. For someone who just finished two years of medical school and is done with the boards, I’m not as excited as I could be, and it’s frustrating that I can’t explain why. I’m tired, and the things I put aside to do “afterboards” are all piling up with deadlines looming. (school paperwork all needs to be done by Monday and bills are due next week; my car needs to be inspected and my loans need to be consolidated all before June 30th…) The class I’m in now is all small group work, and we’re learning how to write doctor’s orders and chart work. (no! that doesn’t mean they are teaching me how to write sloppier then I already do!) I have articles to look up and EKG’s to review and orders to write up for our next meeting, and though I’m enjoying it, my heart just isn’t in it. My group is finding that we’re not at all prepared to be out on the wards, and we find ourselves laughing at how the info we needed to know for the boards isn’t what we’ll be doing everyday. I know that it’s a learning process, but it would be nice to feel like I’ve learned *something* practice-worthy right now! I know this will pass and I’ll find a groove again so I will be semi-content to wait this out. (I’ve also had plenty of “is this really what I want to be doing?” moments, but that’s more of a personal thing I’ve covered before. I can’t imagine doing anything else (unless someone wants to pay me to knit and spin, of course), and I’m sure that in the end it’ll all work out.)

Thank you to everyone who commented on my ode to wool; I’ve been trying to get back to people personally, but it’s hard to track everyone down. Thank you to Cassie for the chance to put my wool ode down – as I told her, the thoughts have been floating around in my head for awhile, and it was nice to have a reason to put them down. I don’t win things – it’s a rare, rare thing that I come close and so it was a shock to check my email this morning and find out that the Lorna’s Laces would be on its way up here. (another reason to get my mom’s socks done!)


Anonymous Anonymous said...

yay re winning the Lornas Laces!

I have years and years and many "school milestone" events of experience sort of like your recent boards. Let me just say that the "ennui" that you're feeling (if that's the right word) is entirely typical. You steeled yourself up for months after 2 intense years - and you're bound to "let down" in about every way possible for a bit.

One foot in front of the other - take it step by step - you'll slog through and it'll be fun again. Promise. Meanwhile, knit. Doesn't matter what. Or spin. Make yarn. That's utterly successful just about always and is pretty in the end. And less "thinking" than knitting can be at times.


9:32 PM  
Anonymous Etherknitter said...

Finally getting it all done usually DOES feel anticlimactic. It has to do with so much work over so long a time, and then, pfffffttt. Finished, and without contemporaneous feedback (i.e. scores).

It recedes as life continues. Takes some time to integrate the fact that you are done and about to start something else, especially with that something else being unfamiliar.

9:51 PM  
Blogger Andrea said...

I was thinking something along the lines of what the dear Etherknitter said, but she said it so much better than I would have. Maybe you just need to work in a wee vacation of some sort? Something entirely different from your norm?

11:57 PM  
Blogger Kristin said...

Hang in there. That time in my life was a big let down. I think you feel like it will be so much better when it is all over and then you don't know what todo with yourself, even though you have a million things to do. Enjoy your weekend.

9:18 AM  
Blogger Cari said...

The post-school slump. Yeah, I'm there a little bit too now that the mfa is over and done with.

I suggest taking it one task at a time, one day at a time, and apply chocolate and coffee liberally.

(Don't forget to stop and smell the yarn every now and then!)

11:56 AM  
Blogger Liz said...

What I hate the most about "standardized" tests is that the info you need for the test is never anything you need to know for real life. It would be great if it were different, but it seems like one of the knowns.

You know what? I hear the bay calling your name, late at night. Do you? " NEED to come to must come SOON.....there is nice yarn in Belfast...."

1:16 PM  

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