Med Student Who Knits

happiness is....

2007-08-09T20:02:00.000-05:00

- the cool breeze coming in through the open windows last night
- the Tim Hortons about to open down the street
- my car, still chugging away even though I'm driving 40-60miles daily
- the cats running around the house during the witching hour
- being a doctor.

Things have shifted from being not-so-great-most-of-the-time to mostly-good-nearly-all-of-the-time. I think it's partly due to the independence I have as an intern (as opposed to a student) and probably has a lot to do with loving where I am, who I am working with, and knowing that I have a house and two cats to come home to at the end of the day.

This isn't to say that things are perfect - as they aren't and will probably never be. No, it is to say that there are far more good things than bad, and that feeling settled means I am better able to deal with the chaos around me. I daresay that I might actually be happy.

Medical school was a necessary evil to get to where I am now, and the jury is still out as to if it was worth it (even though things are so much better now). Knitting, and eventually spinning, helped me to stay sane(ish), but there were days when even the yarn and fiber couldn't keep me going. I am so glad to be on this side.

I promised pictures of graduation, but all of the photos seem to highlight my chin(s). I didn't get the shawl done, but have recently picked it up again and am sailing through the pattern. It's funny how a deadline used to make me focus and buckle down - now it seems to do just the opposite.

I'm also nearly done with my sock-pal's socks, and should have them in the mail by Monday. Other little projects are getting done slowly, and I'm afraid my spinning has taken a backseat. I wish I had more time, but I'm not surprised that I don't.

I haven't started blogging anywhere else, though I have a few websites "on hold." If you emailed me I'll let you know when it's up and running. (don't be surprised if it's not for awhile now, as my time will be more limited during my next few rotations...(busy = no time to get back to eveyone who has emailed me))

All in all, life is good.

(It is such a nice change.)

Thank you, from the bottom of my sock yarn stash, for helping see me to this point.

almost the end.

2007-06-04T20:01:00.001-05:00

The weekend was as great as I'd hoped it be - I knit during the ceremony (starting and then turning a picot edge on a simple sock), walked across the stage without incident (rolled up diploma in hand) and was gracefully hooded (by someone I'd asked to do the honor). The pictures that were taken are still making their way off of everyone's camera - my hope is that there are a few good ones to pass around and share. (I'll post some pictures and a general "review" of my four years of med school later this week....)

As for what to do with this blog - I've been thinking about it for the past few months. This online space has allowed me to meet and become good friends with people across the Northeast and the number of people I consider honorary aunts has tripled. I've stayed in your homes, taken care of your kids and cats and shared more of myself with you than my med school classmates could comprehend. Knitting and spinning kept me going, and the knitterly events (be it a book signing, fiber festival or simply a knit-in) stood out on my calendars as events Not To Be Missed.

That being said, this space has also been a jumping point for some crazy emails, bizarre comments and uncomfortable confrontations. I believe in ignoring those who cause trouble and not feeding the trolls, and now is a good time for me to walk away. I've edited some of my past entries but things are still google-able, and my position as a soon-to-be resident is one that I want to guard much more carefully.

I won't give up blogging but I am going to take a break. Once I establish myself somewhere else I'll spread the word around - if you'd like to know when a new site goes up, send me an email and I'll let you know. I'm not trying to be secretive, just more cautious.

(pictures, med school recap, etc, to follow later this week...)

the end of the beginning

2007-06-02T05:14:00.000-05:00

I've been counting down to this day for the past year and so it seems a bit sureal that it's here. Later this morning I'll say the osteopathic oath and have the degree of doctor of osteopathy conferred upon me - a simple step that stands between medical student and resident physician.

The shawl isn't done - a mistake turned into a garbled mess and so I put it down yesterday. It will be finished, just not in time for today's ceremony. I'm disappointed, but not surprised.

I've got new sock yarn and a set of bamboo needles ready to go for the (potentially) lengthy ceremony; the only caveat is that I've been talked out of taking it up with me to be hooded.

Today is here.

I couldn't be happier.

show and tell (though it's more show than tell)

2007-05-31T18:53:00.000-05:00

(note: internet problems mean this is a short post - one that has been attempted several times over the past two days.)

The fiber from the previous post (jar dyeing) - this isn't the best picture but it does show the range of colors that came out of the jar. It's spinning up beautifully.

Shawl progress as of Monday morning - it's up to 8 repeats of the first chart and I anticipate it'll be a late night. I'd be further along, but somehow I managed to leave the pattern (SwallowTail, Interweave Knits '06) at the doctor's office (long story...). Thanks to the kind soul who passed me their (well loved) copy so I could keep going - I'll pick up the IK tomorrow.

I have no idea if it'll actually be finished by Saturday morning and that's okay. The yarn is MamaCate's handspun cashmere (yarn #5, for those who have seen all of the other yarns) and the pattern is #4? #5? This whole project fell apart before it came together - much like my medical school experience.

This is the fleece that jumped off the table into my arms - it's a bit of a mutant as it's an icelandic/romney cross.

I thought it was worth $15.75 just to see what it looked like all laid out - there are parts with a double coat, parts that scream "Romney!" and other parts that aren't sure what they want to be when they grow up.
(these fleece bags were one of the best finds of the weekend - it's hard to see from this picture, but both ends tie, and it's big enough to line a top-opening washing machine. I'll add the website when I find the paperwork that came with it.)

The fleece is still at MamaCate's becuase I was afraid I'd be distracted by it. (that position has been filled with the above fiber and my Robin wheel....)

Late one night I saw Cate's cat pawing at the porch door - she was after a Luna Moth. It's been years since I last saw one, so I dug out the camera and shoo'd away the cat.

"Luna Moth" would make an excellent colorway.....

My home interent is nonfunctional right now, but if I hunch in one corner of the house I can borrow a signal from the neighbors. The hotel I'm staying at tomorrow night has wireless, and if nothing else I'll update the shawl picture. The only thing on my agenda tomorrow is "practice standing in alphabetical order and walking, sitting and standing on command." It shouldn't take all day, so I'll have time to knit, knit, knit.

eye candy Friday

2007-05-25T12:02:00.000-05:00

The lilacs are just now blooming and leaving the windows open is an olfactory joy. Yesterday I had the pleasure of learning how to "jar dye" and the journey from vermillion to chartreuse was by way of eggplant and spruce.

I'm finishing up the things on my "to-do" list before I hit the familiar road to western MA. Cummington was the first fiber festival I attended and so it has a solid place in my heart. Not only was it was the first time I met Cate and family in person, but two years ago I bought my first spindle, and last year I purchased Lyle the Louet.

(three wheels in less than a year...who knew?)

Have a great weekend - wherever you are!

Cats and paint and sinks, oh my! (knitting content to follow)

2007-05-23T12:36:00.000-05:00

Dianna tagged me for the 8 Random Things post, and I'm changing the rules a bit - below are 8 things about my cat and house. (if for no other reason than that I have pictures...)

I have been knitting - the graduation shawl/stole is coming along and I might get it done before I am gowned up for the ceremony. I don't have any pictures of it, but do promise to get some and will post them soon. It's taken a second seat to a few home, er, issues.

1. Beazlie is a Hemmingway Polydactyl - she has extra toes on her paws. It's more common to have extra toes on the front paws only, but she is an original and has extra toes on her back paws as well. Her paws are gigantic. (comparison picture is currently on my camera - will post it once I get it onto computer.)
2. Both cats often curl up together to sleep, and at night they sleep under whatever I am sleeping on; though they prefer to sleep under the bed, they will sleep under the futon if I'm downstairs. I had been awakened each morning with a wet-nose-on-the-cheek nudge of "feed me! feed me now!" but thanks to Dr. StitchyMcYarnpants, cat therapist, I've broken the habit and now they simply let me know they are awake and hungry before going right back to sleep.
3. They love sitting in the bathtub. If I can't find one of them they're in either of two places - hiding in a corner behind a chest, or huddled in the tub. When I take a bath they are horribly confused and often miaow at me with a concerned look on their faces/ears. Once the tub is drained, they love to roll around in the tub.
4. When I returned from NH sheep and wool (it was a spontaneous decision to go - it was fabulous) Beazlie stopped running around the house in a cat-nipped frenzy and dropped one of her favorite toys to sit on the wool. She purred. She kneaded. She almost drooled.

4 1/2. To answer a previous question, yes both cats have tatoos. Before I could bring them home from the shelter they had to be spayed, microchip'd and tatoo'd with a female symbol, indicating that they'd been spayed.

5. The den/library/office walls before the paint went on. The trim has been dark brown for 28 years (confirmed with some photo-album archives) because brown was the only thing that hid the red it was intially painted.

The first coat of Wedgewood Gray (still wet in the picture). I love it, and even though it looks good with the dark brown trim (better than I thought it would), the dark trim makes the room look small and boxed in - so it'll be painted too.

6. (Izabelle, out of order. I was going to change it and sneak it in with the other cat pictures, but it seems more Iz-like to leave it here. She's a bonafide princess with me - demanding, persistant and instistant that she get her way. Of the two cats, she is the one most likely to hide from new people, so only a few have actually seen the act she puts on.)

The inital contenders for new kitchen paint - they all lost for various Goldilocks-sounding reasons (too light, too pink, too beige, too funny sounding a name, etc).

7. This is an almost current picture of the kitchen - the walls are a cheery yellow right now and the painted samples appear, well, subdued in this picture (the flash washed everything out). I intially thought I wanted a red kitchen, but the hues of red that I loved were too dark for the (narrow) space. The winner is the third orange sample, a rich, warm shade called Harvest Moon.

(Robin is sitting on the floor in the window's reflection. I got her up and going again - it's good to have her back!)

8. I say "almost current" above because at this point in time, the kitchen sinks are stopped up and/or draining into a soup pot because the pvc pipe under the sink is dripping, and the bathroom sink and tub are stopped up (both now with pools of water in them). I have no idea what happened or where the problem is (my guess is further back in the system) and that means that I'm nearly at a loss of what to do about it. My dad is going to swing by on his way home from work and I'm going to give plunging the tub a try.

Is it crazy that I'm relieved this is my first trial as a homeowner? I keep thinking of things that could be so much worse, and having water that won't go anywhere seems better than no water at all.

happiness is.....

2007-05-04T20:11:00.000-05:00

- the house: mine.

- my last day of rotations, and by default my fourth year of medical school: done.

- graduation: 28 days, 12 hours away

- me: exhausted. (and off to take a nap before I hit the road for the Berkshires - the workshop will be worth it, but without some sleep the drive will do me in.)

have a great weekend!

the new addition(s)

2007-04-18T21:57:00.000-05:00

I have many things to ramble about, but time is working against me and I need to go (think about heading) to bed. Please consider this a raincheck (rain! hahahahaha) and check back this weekend.

The cats came home after they had surgery - both seem to be enjoying all that this house has to offer: big (and sometimes empty) boxes, piles to hide behind and topple over, and plenty of time alone during the day to explore places they aren't allowed (such as, for example, the top of the refridgerator). I'm greeted at the door with purring and squeeking (they don't "maiow" as much as they "squeek") and we've been known to curl up for an early evening nap together.

Without further ado, I'd like to introduce you to Beazlie

and Izabelle(a?).

I can't imagine only having one of them, and I'm glad I was able to offer them a place to be together.

(Trying to get pictures of them has been humbling and I now have an even greater respect for Maryse and Claudia.)

happiness is....

2007-04-09T22:01:00.000-05:00

- 7 weeks, 4 1/2 days until graduation
- 6 weeks 4 days until Cummington
- 3 weeks 4 days until I close on the house (a date! we have a date!)
- 3 weeks 4 days until I am officially done with my rotations
- 3 weeks 4 days until my next "hands on" training weekend w/fantastic docs who know their stuff and love to teach

I was going to tell you all about how the cats are settling in and how glad I am that they're home, but the shelter screwed up the spay'ing schedule and they won't be ready until at least Friday. It'd be an understatement to say I'm disappointed - I was really looking forward to bringing them home today.

So, instead, enjoy this video. It's one of my all time favorite Sesame Street clips, and I was delighted to find it on YouTube. (If I knew how to embed it correctly, I'd have it here. All attempts to do so have failed. Click the link - if you have cats, or like cats, or are a child of the '80s who used to watch Sesame Street - I think it'll be worth it.)

I have been knitting - more when I have all elements of my camera (cords, charger, etc) in one place.

home is where.....

2007-03-28T00:13:00.000-05:00

.....one spent one's childhood.

(very) Long story (very) short, my parents bought a new house. I am buying the house I grew up in.

It was something that happened very quickly and as the pieces fell into place for them, things in my own life started to line up. I matched into a family practice residency near to where I grew up and throughout their real estate adventure we joked/considered/seriously talked about the possibility of me buying this house. The timing has been tricky and not everything is tied up yet, but hopefully things will be final sometime in the next 2-3 weeks.

This house is small for a family but perfect for me, and I know that everything is in amazing shape and has been well taken care of. When they moved in (many years ago) the only bathroom had red shag carpet and a tub (the only shower was in the cement floor'd basement) and the kitchen had blue indoor/outdoor carpet with painted sky blue plywood cabinets. Both of those rooms were renovated during my pre-school years (I remember both being under construction) and each room in the house has undergone at least one transformation. (I am on the hunt for bathroom and pre-renovation kitchen pictures; I'll post them when I find them.)

(when tearing up the floors of the second floor we found newspapers from the first half of the 20th century; after looking them over we put them back, along with a few current pages from both the local and national newspapers.)

This past weekend was the weekend for moving all of the furniture into their new house. The two days passed quickly (I have the bruises to show for it) but it means that there isn't a whole lot here right now. I had hoped that the timing would be such that as their things disappeared my things could simply replace what was missing, but the coordination of getting my things down from the garage loft and out of the various other storage-hidey-holes hasn't happened yet. I am keeping it all in perspective and trying to remember that this won't last forever, but relying on borrowed floor and table lamps for lights and sleeping on the futon is going to get old fast.

.....the yarn is.

My stash is still spread out across the northeast and I'm sorry to say that my knitting time has been sparse. I'm less than 10 weeks until graduation and still need to get going on the green lace shawl. (I hesitate to share such info because my friend Kim has been keeping tabs on where I'm at in the process and I keep telling her that I have plenty of time. I'm not (yet) sure when I'll feel like I'm running out of time but I do need to get started on it....)

.....the cats are.

it's been over 10 years since I've had my own cat and on Monday I had time to go to the local animal shelter and remedy that.

These two cats will come to live with me on/about April 9th, after they are spayed. They're ~8-12 months old and were brought in together by their former owner. I was looking for a pair of cats and though I thought I'd fall in love with the older, more "out there" cats, these two seemed to be just what I was looking for. Both are quiet and calm but did sit with me and purr and headbutt. Right now they are named Peyton (on the left) and Georgina (on the right) but they didn't seem to answer to or acknowledge that those are their names. Peyton might stick (?), but the little dilute tortiseshell needs something "softer" to match her muted coloring. Any ideas? (extra points for being creative and original....)

when all else fails....

2007-03-16T17:54:00.000-05:00

spin. or knit.

(or attempt both at the same time and fail miserably forcing me to choose one over the other.)

This has been a very long week - it started with the silly time change* and a great weekend by the ocean, and today ended with a new baby entering the world. The time in between those events - it's all a blur.

[* the time change means that I now have to get up in the dark, as opposed to starting my day with natural light. This makes me grumpier than grumpy. ]

This week I started a family practice rotation and am seeing both outpatients and inpatients; I've spent time in this office before and it's wonderful to see some of the same patients again. (Patient continuity is one of the key reasons I like primary care.) This afternoon's delivery was the first one I've done in a long time, and the doctor standing nearby let me do it all - as in, my hands were the ones that brought the little one into the world.

Words can't describe what it's like to guide a little, moldable head through the birth canal, and helping tissues stretch and controlling the last few pushes before the head is born is a balance - the mom is pushing with all her might to get! the! baby! out! and I apply pressure to the area so that the pushes are controlled and supported. At the time it looks almost cruel to hold back the advancement of the head but (I think) it's worth it to eliminate the need for tearing or cutting.

I forgot how much I love obstetrics.

Yesterday was the Ides of March - a significant day for me, as it marked five years since my life was (literally) turned upside down. I was run off the road on the Mass Turnpike and am still figuring out what lessons the accident taught me. My physical body feels the best it has in the past five years and with any luck I'll be able to get back into a yoga routine so I can re-learn what it's like to push myself to my limits and then return to center. The accident is one of the most significant events of my life, but it's also not the only event that has led me down a different path. I think about it often, but have learned that dwelling doesn't help.

Needless to say, I am passionate about seatbelts being worn, buckled and fitting properly.

I'm also in the process of buying a house - not just any house, but one that means a great deal to me. The bank paperwork is almost done and once everything is lined up, it will move quickly. This is the right thing for me right now and once things are (further) underway, I can open my heart to whichever cats walk in.

While at Cate's last week I spent some quality time with her Lendrum wheel. After a rocky start, I found a groove and had a hard time pulling myself away from it. This led to an online search, which led to finding a used (majorly discounted) Lendrum at Woodland Wool Works, which led to a large box being delivered this week. Last night I set it up and experimented - it doesn't feel quite the same as it did at Cate's, but it feels wonderful to be spinning again. (Robin being in Boston and Lyle the Louet being in Rhode Island added to the reasoning for getting this wheel.)

If you (or anyone you know) are interesting in spinning and want to borrow a wheel (to see if you'd like it) let me know and I'll figure out how to get Lyle Louet to you.

(yes, I'm serious.)

My mind is all over the place right now - it's full of things I should have done, things I need to do and things that I'd previously forgotten about. The snow is starting to fall and I have the place to myself tonight....after a crazy day of seeing patients, driving to the hospital and back to the office (a few times), being at the delivery and trying to get everything else to line up, I think a little quality knitting and spinning time is just what the doctor ordered.

are we there yet?

2007-03-09T14:24:00.000-05:00

to recap (almost everything):

- weeks until graduation: 12
- (weeks until the Cummington Blegger: 11)
- step I of boards (Oct '05): passed
- step II clinical exam (Nov '06 in PA): passed
- step II of boards (Jan '07): passed
- the residency match: done, contract signed and submitted
- rotations done to date: pediatrics, general surgery, psych, family practice, radiology, adult heme/oncology, ob/gyn, internal medicine (both a six week "core" and a four week sub-internship), emergency medicine, breast cancer surgery, geriatrics, genetics, rural family practice
- rotations left to do: family practice pseudo'sub-I and a required osteopathic manipulation rotation (both scheduled and okay'd by all parties involved!)

The trouble with six days off is that my already missing in action motivation has no chance of reappearing before it absolutely has to. The beauty of these past six days is that I was able to forget about nearly everything and enjoy playing with Henry and Eleanor. (and Cate and Rhys and the dog and cat and imaginary fish and Cate's wheel) The only thing I'd do differently is figure out a way to stay with them longer...

As I get closer to being done with med school (and as I gear up for starting residency) I want time to start flying - much like the elementary school kids who can't fathom how far away summer is, I can't believe that the end of May will be here anytime soon.

Not helping the overall "want to be done now" situation is that I think my housing for the next few years is figured out. I'm going to hold back posting the details for fear that it'll jinx something, but the overall jist is that, with any luck, I'll be living somewhere that I can call my own. (without scary housekeepers who hate yarn, crazy roommates, last minute parking bans or helicoptors landing all night long (I was going to link to posts from the past two years that feature each of those elements but am running out of time)) After 8+ months of feeling like a turtle or snail who brings her house with her wherever she goes, I am looking forward to having a place to call home.

12 weeks to go.

(are we there yet?)

(I'm off to a weekend for women medical students and residents - it should be a good time with discussions, hands on learning and good food.)

a day in the life....

2007-02-27T22:48:00.000-05:00

tomorrow ends this rotation; I've had a good time doing peds genetics this month - I've seen things that I'd previously only read about, re-discovered my love of pediatric medicine, and this has been a month filled with good news (and therefore I'll always associate it with doing this rotation!).

Elisa challenged her readers to share pictures of what "a day in the life" or "a day in the neighborhood" looks like. I tried to post these pictures the other night (without success) but sharing them tonight seems almost more fitting as I'm about to change neighborhoods.

(for lack of time I'm going to leave them captionless. These things fall into two categories - one is pictures of things I've seen on a daily (weekdaily?) basis on this rotation, the others are things from a neighborhood near to where I grew up.)

Things took a turn for the (much, much) better here, and I am giddily happy about how things are continuing to fall into place (the list goes on and on, and now I can add "passed computer based boards the first time and with my highest score yet" to the list). There is still a lot going on behind the scenes and as I hear more I'll let you know.

That being said, my motivation has gone down the tubes. I'd like nothing better than to sit in my pjs all day, knitting and watching The Muppets with a cup of good tea, all followed by a nap with a cat (or two). Scheduling conflicts are keeping me from starting my next rotation right away so Thursday starts a 10 day "break" for me. I intially thought the break would be a bad thing (my brain said "keep on keepin' on! Just get everything done and out of the way already!") but now I can't wait for time to do all of the above things. I'm headed out of town to see some people and will end the time off with a weekend on the beach at an inn with other female medical students and doctors - it's a time for mentoring and a chance for me to see (again) that it is possible to be a doctor, a mom, an activist, and, above all else, remain me. I attended this type of weekend when it was "started" two years ago, and think it'll be a great touchstone for my last two rotations.

blogger hates me.

2007-02-25T22:31:00.000-05:00

this'll be my fourth (fifth?) time tonight trying to post...sufice to say, blogger has a healthy appitite tonight and I don't have the energy to try and recreate everything (again.).

Overall...things are good.

Better than good. I'd even say great.

In fact, everything is falling into place as I had hoped it would.

(it's a bit scary actually. Things haven't looked this good in...(months? years?)...a long time.)

14 weeks and 6 days until graduation - that (almost) appears do-able now.

(I thought I graduated on June 3rd; imagine my surprise when I learned that I graduate on June 2nd!)

A Wednesday Poem

2007-02-14T20:26:00.000-05:00

Roses are red,
and violets are blue,
it snowed and snowed and snowed today,
and the wind was blusterly too...

Daffodils are yellow,
tulips can be white,
next month's rotation fell through,*
but so far this week's been alright...

Clover is purple,
and usually grass is green,
I matched into my first choice program,
and you know what that means?

It means I'll have a place to live,
with cats or rabbits of my own,
my future in in family practice is reality,
now all I need is a home!

* = this is not good. My fingers are crossed that something will work out and I'll know where I'm going to be soon.....(I'm looking into a few more ideas but time is running out and things need to fall into place!)

happiness is...

2007-02-11T22:03:00.000-05:00

- 16 weeks until graduation
- 15 weeks until Cummington/Mass Sheep and Wool
- 1 week until SPA
- less than a day until the residency match
- the "Wicked" Original Broadway Cast Soundtrack
- "Enslaved By Ducks" by Bob Tarte

Craziness is abound in the life of this knitting med student - tomorrow I find out where I'll do my post-graduation training and later this week other things will start to solidify. The rotation I had scheduled to take place next month fell through due to paperwork issues but with any luck something else will fall into place.

Some noticed that my "match" is early - there are two seperate matches for residency that I could have been a part of (actually there are several matches - one for the military and a few for subspecialties); the osteopathic students have the option to match in either the osteopathic match (do) or the allopathic match (md). All of the programs I considered have spots "open" in both matches so I chose to be a part of the earlier (DO) match. (The allopathic match is just over a month from now.)

The whole match process sounds more complicated than it is - here's a primer: The summer before a med student's fourth year the electronic residency application process opens for registrations. The application is complex and takes time to fill in and go over. Once everything from the student and school is complete it can be "sent" to the programs that a student chooses.
The programs review the applications (all processed electronically) and choose who they are interested in interviewing. Interviews are done during the fall and winter and are by "invite" only; the programs that a student is invited to are generally the program that they'll consider when it comes time to "rank."

Ranking is something that both the program and student do - the lists are submitted via another electronic process and have to be "certified" (with a supersecret password that is mailed out just before the process starts). Students rank the programs with the goal of being chosen by their top program - it can be a balancing act of location,location,location vs. the training and other aspects of "higher" med education. At the same time the programs are ranking the students that they are most interested in, playing a game of "how many to rank" vs. "who is ranked where (high on the list or low on the list?)." The student's goal is to match with one of the programs on their rank list; the program's goal is to fill their spots with students that they are interested in.

Once the lists are "done" (ie once the deadline has come and gone) a computer program starts sorting the lists. There are plenty of sites out there that can better explain the whole process of how the lists are arranged but the jist is that the student's choices are held above the program's choices and a computer does the lists only because it would take people much longer to do all of the paperwork.

If a student doesn't match with a program they fall into the "scramble" category - they then do the whole apply/interview/wait to be accepted process in an accellerated fashion and match with programs that have empty spots.

The DO match doesn't have the same sort of scramble period that the MD match does, so at this point I don't know anything "official" yet. I have a hunch that I won't have to scramble, but I won't know anything for sure until tomorrow after noon, eastern standard time.

(sufice to say I've been fairly nonproductive this weekend and any knitting that was done has since been ripped due to gauge issues or pattern mistakes. Reading has been a much better way to pass the time!)

in other news: while at MamaCate's my laptop fell prey to a single well intentioned drop of coffee that took advantage of gravity after I opened my computer up. The drop (half a drop, really) took up residence in the space just behind the first layer of my screen and after settling in it decided that the single line of pixels it had intially messed up wasn't enough - and so my entire screen went black.

I still haven't gotten anything off of that computer, but am now working on a "new 'reconditioned'" laptop that, tonight (for the first time and thanks to an external wireless adapter) decided to connect to the internet. The way technology and I have been (not) getting along, its no wonder that my palm pilot has been acting up and my camera cords went missing. At some point it'll all be in the same place at the same time (and, perhaps working?) and then I'll share pictures of what is on my needles.

(because by then I'll have things to take pictures of. For my own safety I'm going to avoid the needles for the next 14+ hours.)

To Celebrate The Feast Of St. Brigid

2007-02-02T14:25:00.000-05:00

a poem in honor of the bloggers (silent) poetry reading - one of my favorite poems. (I have highlighted my favorite part in another color, as I know that this is a long poem and some might be more interested in why I chose it.)

Birches, by Robert Frost

When I see birches bend to left and right
Across the lines of straighter darker trees,
I like to think some boy's been swinging them.
But swinging doesn't bend them down to stay.
Ice-storms do that. Often you must have seen them
Loaded with ice a sunny winter morning
After a rain. They click upon themselves
As the breeze rises, and turn many-coloured
As the stir cracks and crazes their enamel.
Soon the sun's warmth makes them shed crystal shells
Shattering and avalanching on the snow-crust
Such heaps of broken glass to sweep away
You'd think the inner dome of heaven had fallen.
They are dragged to the withered bracken by the load,
And they seem not to break; though once they are bowed
So low for long, they never right themselves:
You may see their trunks arching in the woods
Years afterwards, trailing their leaves on the ground,
Like girls on hands and knees that throw their hair
Before them over their heads to dry in the sun.

But I was going to say when Truth broke in
With all her matter-of-fact about the ice-storm,
I should prefer to have some boy bend them
As he went out and in to fetch the cows--
Some boy too far from town to learn baseball,
Whose only play was what he found himself,
Summer or winter, and could play alone.
One by one he subdued his father's trees
By riding them down over and over again
Until he took the stiffness out of them,
And not one but hung limp, not one was left
For him to conquer. He learned all there was
To learn about not launching out too soon
And so not carrying the tree away
Clear to the ground. He always kept his poise
To the top branches, climbing carefully
With the same pains you use to fill a cup
Up to the brim, and even above the brim.
Then he flung outward, feet first, with a swish,
Kicking his way down through the air to the ground.

So was I once myself a swinger of birches.
And so I dream of going back to be.
It's when I'm weary of considerations,
And life is too much like a pathless wood
Where your face burns and tickles with the cobwebs
Broken across it, and one eye is weeping
From a twig's having lashed across it open.
I'd like to get away from earth awhile
And then come back to it and begin over.
May no fate willfully misunderstand me
And half grant what I wish and snatch me away
Not to return. Earth's the right place for love:
I don't know where it's likely to go better.
I'd like to go by climbing a birch tree
And climb black branches up a snow-white trunk
Toward heaven, till the tree could bear no more,
But dipped its top and set me down again.
That would be good both going and coming back.
One could do worse than be a swinger of birches.

I am thinking good thoughts for Baby Bookish's family and can't wait to hear that she is officially "here." Traditionally Groundhog Day is when my hometown "local" ice cream place opens, and people line up waiting to taste the confection as cold as it is outside - however you choose to celebrate 2/2, I hope you have a fabulous day.

(the boards! are! over! and I couldn't be happier. I'm trying to not make predictions about how they went, but do hope that I won't have to take them over. If I had to guess one way or another I'd say that I'm in the clear, but I don't want to jinx the goddess of exams and I'd rather say that I'm unsure, and probably will have to take them again....pleasantly surprised trumphs disappointment.)

where I've been and what comes next

2007-01-29T16:06:00.000-05:00

It's been awhile, eh?

(I had someone who heard me talking with a patient ask me if I was from Canada last week - I took it as a huge compliment.)

the quick version: (longer version swallowed whole by blogger....)

-Socks? still being knit. The STR socks are done, various second socks have been started and many toes are sewn up.

-Boards? the scores from the set I took in November (the adventure at JFK airport?) are in and I passed. I'm not sure which was more of a relief: knowing that I didn't have to study for it again, or knowing that I wouldn't have to arrange another flight/stay to PA.

-More Boards? yup, the 8hr computerized exam is tomorrow, set to start at 9am. I've been consistantly scoring in the "passing" range on my practice exams, but as the past has shown, that doesn't mean diddly. I'd rather not have to take these again, but if I have to, I will. (I'd rather remain guardedly optimistic than be disappointed or full of self-fufilling failure.) Riding on the high that came with checking my other board scores will help me with tomorrow's exam.

- location, location, location: I'm currently in Rhode Island (at my friend Katie's) and hope to stick around here for a few more days before taking off for my next rotation. Her cats seem pleased to have another lap and the testing center is a mere 20 minutes from here.

- rotations: My ER rotation is done and I saw and participated in things I may never see again; the sheer volume of patients meant that I saw at least one "interesting" or "non-textbook" case each day. I have many stories to tell, but they'll need to wait while I process them (after boards).

- I'd be lying if I said leaving the Mama's House was easy. My time there was incredible, and from the first moment to the last I felt much like a new strand of yarn being incorporated into a gansey with an already well established pattern. (and in my mind the yarn is all from the same lot). Henry, Eleanor and I read many stories together, had adventures, and discussed the both the finer and more technical things in life (including but not limited to: why we breathe air, where oxygen comes from, why hospitals are open 24hrs a day, why medicines are important, which character we'd invite over for lunch and what the cat and/or dog would say if they could talk...). I regret that I didn't get a good picture of the room I stayed in, but will say that the design elements were eclectic. If I could (and I just might...) schedule another rotation there I would, in a heartbeat.

and for those keeping track:
The Match (when I find out where I will be a resident): 2 weeks
Graduation: 18weeks, 5 days
graduation shawl: pattern chosen, yarn bought but still not dyed

SIPs: Socks In Progress

2007-01-12T14:52:00.000-05:00

eta: my age in the above box has been changed - thank you to the eagle eyes who noticed!

This month I'm doing my ER rotation at a very busy hospital - it's showing me that I don't want to be an ER doc, and that I am much more comfortable in smaller, community hospitals. The experience has thought me a lot so far and, above everything else, every resident or attending physician I've worked with has been friendly and helpful. The best part of this rotation is the housing - I'll ramble more about that in the future, but everything about my current digs is wonderful - from the food to the animals the to incredibly comfortable bed, and that's not even taking into consideration the fantastically fabulous people I'm staying with. I'm not going to want to leave when it's time for me to move on.

I signed up to take the other part of my boards on Jan 3oth - it's not an ideal time, but it's as good as I'm going to get considering all the meshing of schedules that has to take place. (this part is the computer part - lots and lots and lots of multiple choice questions) I've been putting in lots of time reviewing and reading and answering practice questions which means I'm behind in all of my knitting-reading and emails (nevermind that the bag of things to be mailed is still sitting in my car. It's one step closer now that everything is all together, but I can't make any promises as to when I'll get to a post office.) I've had my phone off and haven't been getting in touch with people - as was evidenced to me when I called to talk with my parents and the first thing out of my mom's mouth was "you've surfaced!"

Board studying = sock knitting, so I dug through my car to find all of the not-yet-finished socks that could be worked on...I'm afraid there are many more than I thought there were, and we'll see how many are finished during the rest of this month.

a pair that has been featured here several times - they're 99.5% done (starting from yarn dyed last New Year's) but the toes still aren't sewn up. I plead the fifth as to why they still remain unfinished.

socks that rock socks, started when I was in York, PA last August. Intially I wasn't thrilled with the yarn, but leaving them to "age" a bit has changed my mind (for this pair). The fabric is thick, and the texture is different from other wool or wool blend sock yarn and I think they will wear well. (color is farmhouse, and not exactly true on my monitor.)

Pink Trekking socks, started on a whim sometime last year. I remember picking up the ball of yarn and grabbing some sock needles on my way out the door - I must have been doing something that required me to pay attention because I knit a picot edge, but didn't sew it down while I was knitting. I was hoping that this colorway would fade into various shades of pink and was disappointed when I saw it was creating a repeat'able pattern. The upside to the stripes is that this might be my first "matching" pair of socks. (I don't aim to match, but the first sock appears to have ended at just the right spot.)

On the left is a pastel trekking sock - essentially finished. (I think "essentially finished" is my new term for "where are those darning needles and when will I have time to sew the toe?) They were started at a friend's wedding in...June? On the right is a sock made from a German yarn I'd never heard of, but won in a sock yarn lot on ebay. It is producing stripes with a looooong repeat, so it looks much more random than it is. These were both before I had confidence in my picot edge, hence the ribbed calf/ankle section. (I've learned my lesson and I'm a picot believer. Ribbing has it's place and that place isn't always on my socks.)

another single Trekking sock, in a very difficult to photograph dark'ish fading colorway. This sock isn't nearly as old as the rest because I started it on my November surgery rotation. (I'd hoped to get a pair of socks done that month...) I had my picot edges down by then, but still, for some reason, ribbed the upper half of the sock. I think I'm at the toe decreases, but it'll require trying on to know for sure.

Socks started simply because I had a long day ahead of me and the needles and yarn were in my car. The yarn on the left is Opal DK, so they are knitting up quickly. The sock on the left is being knit from my new favorite sock yarns, but I couldn't find the ball band to tell you what the name is. It's German, and sold in 50g balls...when I come across the ball band, I'll let you know what it is. (it's not creating spiralling stripes OR pooling - I have had a hard time finding yarn that doesn't do either of those things!)

this is not for the faint of heart....these are older socks that were robbed of their needles so I could work on other socks. The one on the left is made in Regia yarn that was going to be for me, but the heel is too shallow and instead fits my mom. The one on the right is from older regia yarn that was discontinued years ago (the two balls I bought from a lys near my parent's house were found in the depths of their storage basement); it has more pinkish red bits than are showing up in this picture.

and last, but not least, another sock started because I had nothing else with me. It's a 100g Regia (I think?) and the colors aren't what I was expecting because they aren't as bright as I thought they would be. This one is pretty far down on the "to do" list.

"old long since"

2007-01-01T12:11:00.000-05:00

The verison of Auld Lang Syne that Brenda featured in her holiday podcast of "Cast-On" last year (episode 5, A Cup of Kindness) is the most played song on my computer (per the Itunes play count). The simple tune resonates with me, and the inclusion of the little-known chorus has become a bit of a mantra over the past few months.

"Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and never brought to mind?
Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and days of auld lang syne?

For auld lang syne, my dear,
for auld lang syne,
we'll take a cup o’ kindness yet,
for auld lang syne..."

I picked up my knitting again this month, and have made progress on almost everything that I'm working on; the progress will continue because I'm emptying my car of things, and all yarn not currently involved in a project is going to be safely put away for a few months. I have 6+ socks on the needles and if I finish them (instead of starting another new pair) I'll be able to wear them this winter.

Right now I'm in the middle of a dozen things that all needed to be taken care of two weeks ago, and at some point during daylight hours today I need to hit the road and head southwest, towards my next rotation site. I rang in the new year at the same place I was last year - though instead of winding yarn with the help of some cats, I sat quietly with some sleeping puppies.

I hope that your New Year's Day is relaxing and restful!

happiness is....

2006-12-24T12:23:00.000-05:00

corn on the cob...

cowlicks...

sunglasses...

playing the piano...

little brothers and pj's with feet...

a walk in the wagon with a stufffed dog (his nose is the dark brown spot)...

the above-mentioned stuffed dog, pair of overalls and a calmed cowlick.

Today I am officially twenty seven years old. This year is a big one, as it's the year that I'll match into a residency program, graduate from medical school, start residency, move (back) into an apartment/house, and I'll have to officially start answering to the people who call me "doctor" (as opposed to simply laughing at them).

The potential is huge, and I predict it'll be a good year.

Merry Christmas to those who celebrate...

my first (three) attempts at meeting the infamous man in the red suit....

2006-12-21T23:37:00.000-05:00

the first meeting....I don't think it was considered a success.

try number two...

notice that I'm wearing matching colors, but still not excited with the situation.

....third time's the charm.

happiness is...

2006-12-11T00:07:00.000-05:00

- 25 weeks until graduation
- a hot cup of black coffee and leftover canolli
- reading stories with two 4 1/2 year olds (who helped me turn pages and find animals in the pictures and pick out the next book to read...all of which helped me remember that there is more to life than medical school and research and residency interviews)
- a purring cat nearby, or on my lap
- spending time with a dog that, by this afternoon, would instantly flip over to her back and look at me with the "you know what to do" eyes implying that her belly needed rubbing, right now, please.
- hearing "it's good to have you back" from doctors and residents last week, my first week (back) in this hospital system.

My original goal of creating a "happiness is..." list on Sunday was to help me remember the things that are/were going well at the start of the week - even though I couldn't keep up with the rest of the week, I'd try and find something to write about on Sunday. I'm going to try and get back into the swing of it simply because it helps me to keep things in perspective - life is busy. I am ready to be done with medical school.

And, after thinking about it, my wanting to be done boils down to how sickI am of living out of my car.

Friday evening I took off for Cate's house, and it was difficult to round up my things to head out today. Their addition is perfect (it looks, and feels, like it's always been there) and I can't quite come up with the right words for how great it is to spend time with H&E, as well as Cate and R. This was a trial run, of sorts, and I'm looking forward to seeing them again, for a longer stint, in the future.

All day today things felt "off" and I couldn't put my finger on what was bothering me; or, rather, nagging me just out of reach. It wasn't until I'd crossed state lines this evening before I realized that it's the feeling that comes with not having my own home to return to. Every four weeks, for the past 6 months, I've been in a different geographical location. I've also travelled on the weekends, flown to and from places, and packed and repacked my car more times than I can count.

It's wearing me down and I'm ready to be paying rent again. I want to know what my address is and be able to send things there instead of having packages delivered to my friends all over New England. I want to be able to leave things in a place and know that they will still be there when I return (from work, a trip out, a weekend away, etc). I want to be able to have animals of my own, and wash dishes and have my own bathtub. I want to be able to pick up my Robin wheel and sit her in the front seat without having to rearrange the backpacks and important paper files and laundry simply to make room. Robin is still with Gil, and it kills me to know that my spinning time for this month is slowly ticking away...

Generally (and historically) I don't handle transition well, so on the one hand I'm glad I made it six months before loosing it. On the other hand, I'm going to be at this for another four months (at least) and that sounds like a long, long time.

I am ready to be done.

Very, very, very ready to be done.

______________________

I have a residency interview on Wednesday at my current rotation site and once that is over I'll have a better idea of what my future might hold. I am currently doing a geriatric rotation and love the program I'm at, the people I am working with, the patients that I've met, and how nice it can be to not fear going into the hospital on a daily basis. I think, aside from the above living situation wrinkles (wrinkles that I appear to have very little control over), this is the best I've felt in years.

______________________

I'm 25 weeks from being done with school, and after graduation this blog will be wrapped up. I am not sure what I'll do (if anything) blog-wise afterwards, but my time as the "med student who knits" will be over. I've always seen this as ending when I graduated, but (I don't think?) I've yet to put it out there. Reading though the past two years of posts, there has been a major switch over the past year - I've been writing more about medicine and my rotation experiences than my knitting. I regret that I haven't written more about what I'm working on, and wish I'd taken more pictures of my current projects. I do hope to try and work that out in the next six months...

2006-12-03T15:19:00.000-05:00

Saturday sky continued...eventually my plane landed and I was safe back in the northeast. I'm tired (and my days/nights are a little mixed up) but it's good to be home. (yes, I spent the night in the airport; "local" hotels were asking $200+ for the night (shuttle not always included) and though I'm sure I'd have slept well, it wasn't in my budget for this trip.)

2006-12-02T07:22:00.000-05:00

the sun rises over JFK airport..

hopefully this is part one in a three part series...

(a big tin can defying gravity as it takes off...though I understand the physics (thanks Bernoulli) it still amazes me.)

an airport adventure, of sorts.

2006-12-01T21:42:00.000-05:00

thank you (!) for all of the good thoughts and words of encouragement - overall I think the exam went fine, but I'm going to reserve judgement until the results come in (10-12 weeks from now, at the earliest).

I should preface the following story with this disclaimer: I love to fly. I love airports. I've been through 20 different airports* in the past 10 years (some more than once), and all but one of those trips has been by myself. I think it's amazing that we can get a big tin can up into the air and I love being able to sit and watch international flights come and go. (I may not judge a book by it's cover but I will admit to judging international plane tail artwork as a mark of the carrier's character.)

The flights to Philly were almost as uneventful as they come - the flights were on time, the airports were organized, and aside from the awful "new" 3-1-1 rule (carry on liquids/gels must be less than 3oz, all fit in a 1 gallon ziploc bag and no more than 1 bag per person) security was a breeze. (I feel as though stickers are appropriate rewards for getting through sercurity the first time...perhaps I should write a letter to the tsa...) I'm stuck flying on puddle-jumpers this time around and didn't check my bag for fear that it'd get lost and I'd be whitecoat'less or without my stethoscope - neither one was an option.

the plane I took from Manchester to JFK/NYC - it's hard to tell what the scale is so I took another one today with people in it...

the plane I took this morning - from Philly to JFK.

My trip home is still a work in progress - the flight from Philly to JFK was delayed getting into Philly because of weather in New York; I didn't worry about catching a connection because the plane I was going to get on (again, a puddle-jumper) was only making a pit-stop at JFK, and would continue on to Manchester, NH. (I double checked with the gate-people before boarding and they told me that I was all set. (insert ominous music here))

Once the first leg of my journey ended I asked the steward what time the plane was leaving for NH - he looked at me (puzzled) and asked me to repeat my question. Another gentleman in the back of the plane spoke up and said he needed to know too because he really needed a cup of real coffee and wondered if he had time to go into the terminal.

Long story short, in the time we were in the air (45 minutes, tops?) they changed our flight plans and plane assignments. The plane that I was sitting on was headed to Providence, RI and our flight to NH had taken off 25 minutes earlier. I made my way into the (relatively) short line at the re-booking counter and learned that my options were limited, but I could get a flight into Boston at 4pm and ground transportation back into NH. I was given a new ticket and sent on my way.

Things were okay until that flight was cancelled.

I know it's blurry but the time in the upper corner says "3:17pm" and the flights that are listed in red are the ones that are cancelled...

Time in a much longer line led to a new reservation and I was due to head back into Manchester around 8pm. When that flight came up as cancelled I didn't panic (much) because a 9pm turned 10pm flight (delay due to weather and a part needing to be replaced) was still on the board.

My level of frustration increased significantly when the 10pm flight was cancelled and nothing is available until 9am tomorrow. Not only does it mean that I am stuck here f0r the next 12 hours (and have been here for the past 10), but it means that I won't be able to visit with friends who are in town in Manchester tonight.

compare that to one taken around 7pm tonight - there's more red than white and more red would appear as time passed.

the line to change flights/rebook flights. It snaked it's way down the hall several times this evening. I knit almost half a meat-head while waiting in the line...

I brought some of my knitting with me, but didn't plan on having this much time and so left most of my projects at home! That being said, a meathead was knit up (using needles that were too small, but they were all I had) and with any luck I'll finish the embellishment tonight. I don't have any darning needles with me, otherwise I'd put it all together!

I started a sock using Amy Boogie yarn during the breaks that I had during the boards. They are fairly strict about what is allowed in and I checked and double checked before keeping it with me. I've never used US size zero needles for socks before and wasn't sure about how many stitches to cast on. This might be ripped because it's too big...

I've been doing lots of other knitting, but a few things were given away before I took pictures, and some of them can't be shared because they are holiday/birthday presents. A pathologist that I had a chance to work with once or twice during my last rotation is pregnant and looks like she is simply going to pop - during my last week I knit up a small hat (using HelloYarn's pattern) and when I gave it to her we (the surgeon I was working with is also a knitter) told her how some little ones wait until a knitted project is done before they enter the world.

I haven't heard if the hat worked it's magic but it was wonderful to get a project done and gifted before the little one was too big for it. (I've been reknitting things because the original size is now either too small or the wrong size for the season...)

the (boogie) board sock

as for tonight, I'll work on a few random knitting projects and then read some of the book I just picked up at one of the "newstand" stores. The notion of staying in a hotel ran through my head, but I don't have the energy to call around and see what is available, find the shuttle, make plans to get back here tomorrow morning and such. That and the fact that I'd have to pay out of pocket for it mean that the floor and I are going to get to know each other tonight. (I found one of the only outlets in this terminal and I'm not moving from such valuable real estate.)

I think I'm going to call this an adventure. It sounds much better than simply being stranded in an urban airport with no clue as to when I'll be able to head home.....

g'night from JFK!

(* the airports, in no particular order: Manchester NH, Logan/Boston International, Philly, Pittsuburgh, Albany NY, Cincinnati/Lexington, Charlotte NC, Miami FL, Ft. Myers FL, Reno NV, Las Vegas NV, Denver CO, Nassau Bahamas, San Salvador Bahamas (I went for an aquatic biology course), Salt Lake City UT, JFK/NYC, Portland ME, Newark NJ, Atlanta GA, Memphis TN; I still need to go through Chicago, LA and Seattle...)

please cross your needles today at 2pm...

2006-11-30T11:56:00.000-05:00

g'morning from Conshohocken, PA - the site of my clinical skills boards. (I think I can finally say it correctly...though that shouldn't be a part of my exam...)

I flew in yesterday and have been fighting with my computer and this hotel wireless system (instead of going to the webpages I request, or sending out the emails I've written it refreshes to the hotel's wireless policy and requires me to click "okay") and my phone died (again) in the middle of saying goodbye to a local knitter/blogger.

I wasn't nervous until about an hour ago - now that I've ironed my white coat and am reviewing all of my physical exam skills my stomach is doing flip flops and I have to remind myself that I don't actually need to pee. (again.)

I tried to knit a bit last night, but ripped out what I did accomplish because (un-surprisingly) my tension was wonky and it didn't look right. This morning's attempts were just as bad, and my brain seems to have forgotten that knitting used to be a calming thing.

I can't wait until this is over.

And I really, really, really, really don't want to have to do this again.

(test is from 2-9:30pm and it's a clinical skills exam that requires me to see standardized patients (trained actors) for 14 minutes then write a note (in 10 minutes).)

a tale (tail?) of two stuffed sheep.....

2006-11-26T21:03:00.000-05:00

Two years ago Kohl's featured farmyard animals as their "Kohl's Cares for Kids" campagin mascots. In a moment of weakness I hunted down a cow, a duck and two sheep - the sheep were the most difficult to find. I called around to several stores before learning that a shipment was due in the following Saturday morning. I was there when they opened, and at the customer service desk I managed to convince every customer that they too needed a stuffed sheep.

This trio was intially introduced here and they lived with me for many months before finding new homes.

The reason for getting two sheep? One was procured in honor of my parent's new mattress - she still sits on their bed during the day, and has affectionetly been named Berta.

(I'm not sure which my mom was more excited about - the finished sweater I knit her, or the new sheep....) (original post with this picture is here)

Eventually the animals found their way to other places. The cow went to live in my friend's research lab and last I heard was doing okay (despite living with master/phd students who, sometimes, on occasion, mumble to themselves).

The duck stuck with me until the end, and made the cut for deep storage. She's not in there alone - there's a stuffed pig (not pictured) that I hold onto for sentimental reasons, and there's probably a bear in there too.

The sheep?

I wasn't sure what to do with the sheep. I enjoyed him, and loved how soft he was, but I didn't think I needed to hold onto him. At some point during my board studying, on a whim, I put it in the mail to my local yarn store owner. The package would never get through security today - imagine a stuffed sheep smooshed into the fetal position in a plastic bag wrapped in brown paper and taped with as much clear packing tape as I had. I even had the audacity to write "do not use scissors to open!" all over it.

A few months later (being that I'm only in town where this particular sheep lives every now and then) I stopped in and saw the him modeling a sheep sized scarf. The next season he looked dapper in an infant sweater sitting in a pile of Dale of Norway yarn. Every time I go in I look for him, and it's always a surprise where he is and what he's wearing.

Yesterday I went in to pick up some red yarn (for the red scarf project) and while I was there I looked high and low for the sheep. After a few minutes the owner saw me looking and then she started to look in the usual places - he wasn't in with the Dale yarn, nor overlooking the pattern binders. He wasn't nestled in the Lamb's pride or sitting at her desk.

It was then that she confessed that her other employees liked to dress him up and move him, and that they must have re-accessorized him and put him somewhere else. Then she thought to mention the front window....

which is exactly where he was!

I'm so glad that he went to live with them - no only is he not smooshed in storage, but right now he's front and center in a shop window.

(I do believe he needs some socks.....)

2006-11-25T23:40:00.000-05:00

Saturday Sky - from a midafternoon walk today

the graduation shawl challenge

2006-11-24T09:25:00.000-05:00

[edited to add links that didn't work the first time and endnote below]

knitting (and spinning) has been a big part of my medical school education…so much so that my personal statement included at least one “wool” mention in each paragraph. (that’s the same personal statement that has gotten me interviews at the places I applied, so I’m not worried that they thought it was strange.) Wool has been pivotal to my getting this far, and I’m relying on it (heavily) to get through the next 27 weeks.

I’ve attempted to knit lace in the past and only had limited success. That being said, I’ve been overcome with the urge to knit a shawl for my graduation. I’ve been thinking about it for the past several weeks and was going to keep the idea to myself until I had things lined up, but I need some help….

the color of my “hood” is green – somewhere between a kelly green and hunter green. (it’s a velvety texture and can change with the light) The color green is the traditional color for the field of medicine, and though it’s not my favorite color, I like the idea of knitting with the color green for this project. I’d love to find something with silk and with some subtle variegations but I’m not having any luck! I contacted a few of the people I’ve bought hand-dyed yarn from in the past (and need to send out a few more emails), but many do not take on custom orders. I’ve toyed with the idea of trying to dye it myself (or with guidance from those who know what they are doing) but that begs the question of when and where I’d find the space, materials and time – let alone what I’d do if my experiment fails to produce what I’m thinking about.

My next quandary is the pattern. I have several lace patterns that have been knit by many people (flower baskets, icarus, helen’s lace pattern, etc) but if I’m going to pick a color that mirrors my graduation color, I feel like I should try and find something that has a sentimental element to it. The caduceus is the best known medical symbol (I just spent an embarrassing amount of time trying to figure out it’s origin and I’m just as confused as this guy) but after reading this I’m leaning away from intertwined snakes and a set of wings.

(however, a single “snake-like” design around something that resembles a “staff” still appeals to me. That should be easy to find…shouldn’t it?)

On the one hand I don’t want to make this a complicated project, but on the other hand I don’t want to just knit anything – trying to find the balance before running out of time is why I’m going to ask you…
do you have any ideas? about the yarn or pattern? thoughts?

[note: Sundara is one of the people I've emailed - because what I am looking for is custom, it isn't something that she'll do...]

putting yarn buying in perspective....

2006-11-12T23:40:00.000-05:00

- clinical boards exam fee for Nov 30th: $995
- flight to Philly for boards: $400
- hotel room for stay outside of Philly for 2 nights: $450
- hours spent studying for the boards so far: 20+
- hours spent on residency application: 25+
- fee for submitting residency application: $110
- fee for computer based boards, still not scheduled: $495
- fee for January ER rotation: $150
- graduation fees paid so far: $55
- weeks til graduation: 28
- rotations left to schedule: 2
- miles put on my car since August: 6,000+

- yarn bought this past week: $150
- hours said yarn will last: 40+

(my eye is feeling much better; using Rx antibiotic goop to "glue" it shut several times this weekend seems to have helped. Thank you for all of the positive thoughts over the past several weeks - I am still behind in getting back to everyone but hope to be caught up soon!)

happiness is.....

2006-11-09T00:20:00.000-05:00

- 29 weeks 3 days until graduation
- my current rotation; a four week stint with a surgeon (who is the most un'surgeon-like surgeon I think I will ever meet...she actually talks with patients...AND...she knits. More thoughts on what it's like to work with a doctor who knits in the future.)
- being in the middle of half a dozen or so knitting projects, and always having one nearby to work on (more on this later as well; it is getting late...)
- hot homemade bean soup on a rainy night and leftovers for lunch tomorrow

leaves and leaf-prints on slate

sheep ears and

blue gates...

(I really wanted to take this one home with me; the sheep at Rhinebeck seemed much calmer and personable than sheep I've seen other places.)

prize-winning needle felted Kangaroos

and a pile of dogs won a ribbon too!

- sitting on cats two weekends ago...

taking care of a cat who loves to perch (he jumped up and sat long enough for me to walk around, find the camera, set it up and get several pictures. Finding a cat on my shoulder happened a lot while I was watching them...it was lovely.)

and his love of fleece rivaled my own.

(even the shy little one decided to play)

Life has been busy here, with lots of going to and from and back and forth and moving in and out and all over the place; a new rotation means a new place to stay and a new routine.

During my last week of my sub-I I had a few bouts of awful eye pain that were mostly unexplainable. Medical people are notoriously bad patients, and it took my mom seeing how bad the pain was and how it teared up suddenly for me to even consider making a doctor's appointment. One general appointment and one specialist later it was clear that something wasn't quite right. The diagnosis went from a scratch on my cornea to an area of corneal abrasion to, most recently today, a corneal ulcer. I think they're all the same thing (or same basic idea) but I haven't had time to consult with Dr. Google yet. (they also tried a foreign body removal and thought it might be a reaction or local infection; consensus now (after two and a half opinions) is that it's an ulcer.)

The eye doctor initially told me that once it was patched, it would heal within two days; today, two and a half weeks later, he finally admitted that 10% of people take "longer" to heal. He was vague about how long "longer" is. My spot still isn't completely healed. It still hurts. He even had the gaul to admit that sometimes, even after the spot has healed, it can spontaneously re-occur.

I'm not impressed. And I haven't the slightest clue how it happened. (I wear glasses, all the time. I thought they supposed to protect me from flying debris and such...)

(but! at least I'm not patched anymore - I like depth perception.)

my left eye, pressure patched with half a roll of tape (done at the eye docs office)

The breakouts you see in that picture should have been a bigger warning sign to the impending doom of this month's pms; yesterday I curled up on the floor of the surgeon's office with a room'spinning start of a migraine and awful abdominal cramps. I am forever grateful that she didn't demand I sit up and look alert, and that she simply double checked that I was okay.

and tonight I had a moment of silence for Jake, a fabulous golden that I used to sit on from time to time. He was a kind, gentle and patient animal and he will be very much missed. (my favorite picture of him is here)

suddenly...it's November?

2006-10-30T23:12:00.000-05:00

Time has been playing tricks this year - I can't believe my fourth year is only 3 months old, but at the same time I'm not entirely convinced it's almost November.

note: I have been catsitting and spent the weekend knitting, napping and petting the cats. As I type this, everything that was in my car is now in their living room. The cord that connects my camera to my computer is in that pile. I hope. Pictures when I find it. Or by another one.

My trip to NYS&W was my first time in Rhinebeck and I'm fairly sure that it won't be my last. As many have already said, the fairgrounds were swamped and the weather was great. The long drive down was good (but long) and both nights I slept better than I had in weeks. I did, er, whine a bit, but I'm going to plead exhaustion and wheel-
love and then promise to be much more agreeable next time.

I left with a new Forrester spindle (my second) and various types of fibers (some bought for the color, some for the feel (how could I leave the shetland bumps there? I couldn't keep my hands off of them!) and some simply because I've never spun that type and want to start building my experiences). Some amazing sock yarn and various lace yarns screamed my name, and I found a bin of books that were all half price.

All in all I don't regret any of my purchase. I do regret not being able to sit and spin with people, and not being able to say more than a passing "hi!" to people I would love to have spent at least a few minutes with. That being said, the conversations I had were wonderful and catching up with those I did see was worth the trip.

(Another highlight was that I got to see one of my wheels. Robin has been living in Boston and I have missed her - missed her more than I thought I would. I love that wheel. (Love.) Norma's mitten also loved the wheel - but that's another story.) I had less than 24 hours with her before I dropped her off with Gil (her maker) so he could replace some of the screws with bolts and give her a tune up. Handing her off - even to the person who used his hands to put it together - was hard.) I bought Robin from someone at the Maine Fiber Frolic and I know that I will never again find a wheel at such a great price. Gil knew the wheel as soon as he saw it, remembering that it had intially been a single tredle that he modified to become a double tredle; it's one of the first set he made, and I love that he knows it's ins and outs. It had been klunking and he has since fixed that AND given the wood another oiling. Now I just have to figure out how I'm going to get there to pick it up...

Physically stepping out of the medical world and giving my brain a chance to stop whirring with facts (of varying relavence) does funny things to me...it took several hours for me to fall back into myself, and stop the constant awareness that comes with being questioned at every move. Thus far my rotations have demanded a lot from me, and I've gotten critisicm at every turn, with every question I answer and the feeling of being judged isn't something that goes away easily or quickly. I continue to be the medical student that doesn't "fit" the "rules" and over and over again I hear about how I need to change, how I won't be able to continue to take care of patients the way I have been and that I am not nearly as efficent as I should be.

In September I spent the month at a rural health site; the Appalachian Trail ran through the town and I saw hikers with various injuries (who were thisclose to being done with their hikes and just needed to get through the last 200 miles), and Outward Bounders who had not showered in nearly three weeks. The site I was at happens to the only clinic in the area and they were busy, busy, busy. This site gave me insight into the difference between a teaching hospital or residency program (essentially a teaching clinic/hospital/etc) and just a regular doctor's office. The doctors who have students more often than not know how to ask questions, and guage what I know.

I've struggled with how to describe how hard that month was for me, and how I re-thought every aspect of my future almost every night as I cried and cried and wondered what exactly I'd gotten myself into. That feeling continued into last month, during my sub-I; the first two weeks were horrible. Not only did I have to prove myself to the patients I met, the residents I worked with and the ever-changing attending physicans, but I had to learn a new computer system, a new hospital layout and new schedule. The expectations seemed to change with every person I worked with and it quickly became apparent that my mindreading skills just aren't what they used to be.

I've said it before, but I don't thrive on competition - instead I back off and do all I can to get out of the situation, letting those around me fight it out. Continually questioning me and challenging what I know doesn't lead me to learn more - even if I know the correct answers, chances are good I won't be able to elaborate on the topic in those situations.

The above is just an aspect of medical education, but combined with attacks on my "style" and "compassion" it leaves me unsure of what I'm doing in this field. Over and over again, by more than one doctor, I've been told that I "spend too much time" with the patients, include too much information in my progress notes, and at one point I was told that I give the patients too much information.

(***to expound: I know that in the face of managed medical care and low insurance rembursements doctors see as many patients as they can to make ends meet; but if I only have three patients to see in a four hour time period, why wouldn't I spend a full 15-20 minutes with them? Every single patient that I "spent too much time with" told me that they finally felt as though they had answers to all of their questions. Many told me that they hope I never change, and those statments kept me going during the moments when I was ripped into by docs who felt I was simply wasting time.

regarding too much information in my written notes: I can plan for that if I know who will read them (and only write in abbreviations or short, short sentences), otherwise I've found that it's much easier for me to include too much information than not enough. (I was never told that my notes were too long last year...)

re: the patient having too much information - I believe that patients should know what they are diagnosed with, and what their tests show. A patient who has had a stress test and echocardiogram deserves to know that it showed they'd had a heart attack. When the future might include a cardiac catheterization and the pt is getting pressure from cardiologists and the general doc to schedule the procedure, I think evidence that they had damage to the heart muscle is important. The other docs argued that it wasn't important in the scheme of things or that they already knew the results. (they didn't know and thanked me profusely after finding out)

End expounding.***)

I suppose the best way to put it is that I am tired, and having to be in these sorts of situations (throw in living in dorm rooms and moving every four weeks) is wearing me down. I have thought more about where I want to do my residency, and what is important to me for my future. I will get through this - it will pass - but right now it's hard to keep that in mind.

Tomorrow I start a surgery rotation with a breast specialist and I am looking forward to picking it up where I left off after my radiology rotation. My clinical skills exam is at the end of this month and with Thanksgiving thrown in there chances are good time is going to start speeding up. With only 30 weeks and 5 days left til graduation, I can’t say I’m sorry to see it start to move quickly.

quick!

2006-10-26T06:40:00.000-05:00

went to Rhinebeck and had fabulous time STOP came back to piles of work to do and am working with people who have no appreciation for wool STOP my alarm goes off at 5:30am and I'm (still) not a morning person STOP am recovering from Tuesday, or my last 30 hour shift on call and am extremely overtired STOP will ramble again with complete sentences and more coherent thoughts soon STOP

(I would give anything for time to spin and a cup'o'tea. Sigh.)

tips for being on call....

2006-10-09T00:38:00.000-05:00

it's now 1:30am and I'm two thirds of the way through my thirty hour "day(night)day" on call.

I know that if I try and climb into bed it will only invite my pager to chirp and disrupt my dreams (leading me to ponder which is worse: being punchy and tired or being woken from a sound sleep and 100% disoriented) and so I'll tempt fate by trying to post.

It's been several months since I last played the on'call'game, and I thought it was time for me to make a few notes for the next time (a few days from now) because I seem to forget just what being on call is all about...

- Change into scrubs as soon as possible. It doesn't matter how comfortable my dress pants are, nothing beats feeling like I'm wearing pj's around the hospital.

- the chocolate milk in the doctor's lounge is better when mixed with skim milk, and the combo of the two is easier to chug when being called to a floor.

- nice handwriting is worth the extra seconds it takes. Spending many minutes on the other end, trying to figure out what something says is the #1 reason why mine is now legible.

- do not try to knit when on call. Even if you are working on a sweater that you are hoping to wear to a very large fiber event in two weeks. Do. Not. Knit. On. Call.

- the cafeteria closes at 6:30. Sharp. Even if nothing looks good, having a ________ (cookie, apple, orange, cookie, english muffin, or cookie) for later is worth swinging by.

- for heavens sake...if you disregard the above and knit, do not try to fix the "little" mistake. Because then it will become a big mistake.

- we want patients in the hospital to do three things: sleep, eat, and poop. We seem obsessed with how often they are doing these things, and ask them on a daily basis when the last time they did each was. What are the only three things the patients will be unable to do? sleep, eat, and poop.

- don't try to fix the big mistake either. Just don't knit.

- the DunkinDonuts across the street is open all 24 hours of the day and night.

- instead of sneaking off to said DunkinDonuts, take orders from those you are working with. Not only will they know where you are, they'll be nice for a good 10-15 minutes after you get back.

- if you do try to sleep, leave your sneakers on. Either of two things will happen: 1. you'll be ready to jump out of bed when the pager goes off, and it saves time with tying laces (and leaves more time to figure out where you left your glasses...) or 2. Because you are more prepared, it won't go off. You'll wake up wondering why you are asleep with your shoes on.

There is, as always, much more to say. I've had some fairly intersting conversations with doctors about my future in medicine, and had to stand up for myself more than once. This rotation, an "acting internship" or "sub-internship" is putting me in the role of a first year resident - sort of like playing a doctor on tv. It's been quite an experience to see how hospital based medicine differs from outpatient services, and, again, I find myself having to read the minds of whomever I am with.

(doctor A wants me to list all of the meds, doctor B thinks that is a waste of time but wants me to number the problems sequentially and keep them in order while doctor C thinks all of the above is a waste of time and I should shorten everything I can (which includes not writing basic abbreviations because the reader will know what I mean. And I take too much time to write neatly.) I think they mean well. I hope they mean well. I'm learning how to nod and smile.)

more (overdue) ramblings from a scatterbrained fourth year

2006-09-09T15:57:00.000-05:00

I feel like I am continuously behind in everything and it's more than a little frustrating. (if I were on a treadmill I'd be scampering to keep up with the motorized belt and contemplating how bad a crash landing onto the floor would be.)

At some point (maybe in the next week?) I'll get pictures of my ksks package (and dig up the site of my kind pal!), do a true inventory of all that I am knitting, and, hopefully, get my personal statement finished up.

If you ask those who know me well, they'd tell you that I tend to forget that I'm in my fourth year of med school, and often bite off more than I can chew. They'd tell you about my great (and mostly unrealistic) aspirations of what I was going to knit this year (sweaters! socks! sweaters!), dare you to look into the unmarked cardboard box in my trunk and count how many fiction books I'm toting around with me (most bought at thrift stores and off of bargain shelves) and then make me count up how many weeks I've been saying I'd watch the netflix film (that is holding up my parents being able to get three movies at a time instead of two).

I can't compete with those points, and have slowly realized that I'm not going to get it all done this year. My sewing machine is no longer in the back of my car, and most of my fabric is in another state right now. Robin is with me, but only because I keep thinking I'll be able to take a trip to Gil's to get the drive band fixed and screws replaced with bolts. After she's good to go I'll make the trip down to Mass and introduce her to a new wheel'sitter. Perhaps I'll get a chance to see her again this fall, but otherwise it's outtasight'outtamind, and my spindle and I will get to know each other again.

*************

I have several (mostly incomplete at this time) thoughts about radiology, and feel like I could go on and on about what I learned in my three short weeks. It was my first time at a major trauma center and the sheer number of patients they take care of still blows my mind. I had a chance to spend some quality time at the women's imaging center and learned a lot about mammography and what happens when a breast biopsy is done. The doctors I worked with at the women's center were kind, patient and enjoyed working directly with people - that experience alone blew my preconceived notions (of the classic radiologist antisocial personality) out of the water. One of the doctors I followed at the hospital oversaw the newborn hip ultrasounds (to assess hip dysplasia) and preemie brain ultrasounds. She was amazing with the little ones and knew how to keep them happy AND get the pictures she wanted. I don't miss getting lost in the urban area of York, and must say that the last week in the dorm (the week in which my roommate showed up - the rooms were bad enough without an extra person in them) was hard, but I feel like I could do another few weeks with them and learn even more.

(there is more to ramble about, but my thoughts about what it is like to look at an x-ray of someone's bones without knowing their name, age, race, medical history or insurance type are scattered. They diagnosed cancers and said, sometimes under their breath, "this person doesn't have long.")

*************

There are several requirements for my fourth year - I need to complete four weeks in internal medicine, four weeks of manipulation, four weeks in a surgery subspecialty and four weeks in a rural family practice (one that is assigned to us, we have no real say where they choose to send us). The month of September is my rural fp month and I, a true country mouse, am glad to be back in the woods.

This month I am living in a room of a local'ish resident (20-30 minutes away, also someone that is assigned to me) and it's a 180 degree switch from a dorm room. The bedroom isn't fancy but has a comforter that matches the window valances (maroon and gold), a small reading light near the bed and the closet has a real door - not something bambooish. The woman I am living with has a Harley in her garage, fish in a 25 gallon tank in the living room and a "things to do before I turn 60" list on her refrigerator. (I should add that she doesn't look a day over 39) We share the bathroom (full of original 70's gold tones - toilet, sink and tub/tub surround) and occasionally write notes to let the other one know what we're doing/when we'll be back. I come and go on my own and she has her usual company come over - I've met a great collection of locals and been warned, many times, about how bad hitting a moose can be.

***************

If you mentioned the name of this area to anyone who knows anything about the Northeast they'd laugh when told that it's a "rural" area. I could justify the rural'ness by explaining that I am in the "somewhere" that exists in the middle of "nowhere." There is a small downtown with local shops (yarn store, bookstores, and a high end clothing store), a small coffee shop with free wireless (with odd hours that make it hard for me to get there) and a small local grocery store. My first stop today was to the grocery store to pick a few things up and so I could write a check $20 over so I'd have some cash for a cup of coffee.

On my way out of the market I swung by my car to drop off the applesauce, water and bread. I smiled at the locals, wishing them a good morning, when one gentleman on the sidewalk saw which car I was heading towards. He quickly turned around and followed me (to make sure it was indeed my car?) before looking me in the eye and pointing to the Robin sitting in my front seat. "Is that yours?" he asked, and when I replied (a little hesitantly) yes, he smiled a huge smile and said that I just HAD to meet his wife. They owned one of the shops on Main Street, and she'd love to meet someone else who spins. When I told him I was the new med student working over at the clinic he smiled and said he'd heard there was a new one in town. Before turning around he pointed up the street to make sure I knew which store was theirs, and then apologized for being so nosey - he was just excited to see a spinning wheel.

I went by the shop a little bit later and talked to her about knitting and spinning. She showed me the sock she's working on and we talked about knitting sweaters and, eventually, fiber. (it was at that point that she passed along information on an alpaca farm a few miles away...) Her venture into the world of spinning is fairly new as she just made herself a drop spindle and has been teaching herself how to use it. I promised her that I'd come by again, but with my spindle and lots of roving to play with, simply saying that I learned a lot by watching others spin. I am by no means a spinner, but am more than willing to sit and share what I know with her.

***************

This area has recently lost some outstanding community members to a senseless crime, and being here hasn’t been easy. I am sensitive to the fact that I am “an outsider” and watching how things unfold is a lesson in pulling together and then, eventually, moving on. I have learned a lot in my first week here, and forsee the next three weeks being full of just as many lessons.

the possibilities for a rambling are endless...

2006-08-22T00:04:00.000-05:00

(note: it took many steps to get pictures to load and I'm not certain it worked; if you see bright red x's check back later...)

I could show you pictures of my current digs - a cinderblock dorm room with built in furniture and a nifty seventies style faux bamboo closet sideways-shade/ door. The room isn't much to write home about, but the location is key - below my window are the ambulance bays and off to the side of the bays is the heliport. Yes, I do see and hear everything that goes on - even the high powered (also from the seventies, complete with a few buttons missing) air conditioner (guess what brand - yes, it's a York!) can't cover up the sounds of an approaching chopper. I love to see them land and take off - especially at night, but I'm a bit tired...

(the ambulances dock under the white "roof" and if you look closely you can see the tail of a helicopter on the heliport)

Then there's the story of the (lack of) parking here - a three story parking garage is being torn down so that a seven story garage can go up in it's place - eventually there will be plenty! of! parking! for! everyone!

Until then, my car (that has almost everything I need in it) is parked a 15 minute shuttle bus drive away, at a strip mall. The hospital has an agreement with both a shuttle service and the mall, and being that I'm a lowly med student (who lives here! in the dorm!) I have to park there.

My yarn is there. My other clean socks are there. My cheerios are there. Overall it's strange to commute to my yarn and socks and cheerios. (the idea of moving it all in here - up three flights of stairs full of stagnant air - only to move it out again in three weeks - seemed overwhelming.) (they did give us 2 gig jump drives with the hospital logo on them...I guess that's something?)

Murphy's law rang true when my almost-completely-unpredictable period showed up and my stash of tampax was in the farfarfar'away car; there's nothing like asking around for a tampon (my second day into the rotation) to bond me to a group of women assistants.

My sewing machine is being held captive in the backseat of the car, and I can't use it in the dorm unless the biomedical engineers deem it safe and NotGoingToBurnTheBuildingDown'able. (they might not use that exact language, but really, that's what they mean.)

I doubt an early model Kenmore sewing machine has such potential - but having them look at it means I'd need to figure out where the biomeds are; considering I still get lost trying to find my way to the north end of the hospital (where the cafeteria and all of the classic overcooked cafeteria food is) from the south end of the building (I am literally in "south" hall), I think trying to find an unmarked door in this compound is near impossible. (Nevermind how many tries it takes me to find the "imaging" department each morning - I don't think I've taken the same route twice, and that certainly wasn't intentional!) (I'm neglecting to mention that the hospital is on a hill, and the dorm is in a building "up" on the hill when compared to the hospital. Overall this means that the first floor of the dorm = the third floor of the hospital. I'm not telling how long it took me to figure that one out...)

I could show you a picture of the sock I'm working on - it's a simple picot edged basic sock knit out of socks that rock. This is my first socks that rock experience, and I'm not sure I get what the big deal is. It's yarn. It is doing a strange alternating spiral stripe thing (that I'm not a big fan of) and I'm suspicious that I'm going to run out of it. I realize the fear of not enough could be irrational, especially since this is a hank of the new put-up, but overall, I'm just not sure I'm feeling the socks that rock love. Time will tell, and I might enjoy it more once this heel is turned.

Or I could go on and on about how my classmates seem to be procreating at an alarming rate and how many fairisle hats I have on my "to do" list. Current standings include two ladybugs, one bunny and two snowflake renditions. I'd be working on them now if it weren't for the fact that I'm weeks behind on something else and don't have any fingering/sport weight superwash yarn (with cotton for a soft and comfortable knit liner). Thank goodness Uncommon Threads is open "late" tomorrow night...

(I am holding out hope that I can find it. I tried to get to the Harley-Davidson Plant but instead wound up turned around and lost in the wrong part of town to be lost in. That happy yipping sound you heard last Saturday? that we me, finally getting un-lost in a Target parking lot. I’ve never been so happy to see something that looked almost vaguely familiar before…)

Or I could ramble about how hard it is to write a personal statement, and how much I want to talk about wool and how it kept me (almost?) sane through my first two (three?) years of medical school. How my application should be complete by now, but it still isn't, and how I need to register and pay for the other part of my national boards.

Then there's how to explain what it's like to spend hours on end in twilight'ish bat caves (aka: radiology reading rooms) listening to doctors dictate their findings. After the first three days I found myself speaking in "dictation'ese" - a strange combination of the written word spelled out.
for example:
This would be a great thing to blog about comma if I could find the time comma and a wireless connection condusive to such an activity period you'd think a wireless hospital would be able to provide the student dorm with wireless too exclamation point new paragraph

it's a bit un-nerving. (more about the experience of radiology in the future; I'm enjoying myself but don't want to do this forever.)

or about how happy I am that I am wearing this shirt –

- a "happy fourth year" gift that I have been saving for the perfect "OhMyThisIsMyFourthYear" moment. 13+ hours in the radiology dept feels like a good a time as any to bring it out....

but....

instead I think I'll show you pictures of my college friend Katie's cats (cats that I had the pleasure of sitting on the weekend before I started this rotation). (Katie - bestfriendforever - is kind enough to let both Robin and Lyle hang out in her living room for a little while - anyone want to borrow a Louet?) They are cats that she has inherited from another college friend of ours and I think it's safe to say that they've made themselves at home. One of them is blind, but don’t let him fool you - he can scale piles of clothes, yarn, and other obstacles in his way if he even *thinks* he smells catnip. He also thinks that he makes a lovely travel accessory. (I did not, contrary to these pictures, bring him along for the ride. He did not, contrary to these pictures, convince the bear to stay. I think it'll be a long-distance relationship.)

The other fine feline quickly mastered one of my all time favorite games - cat in a box. I love seeing how quickly they can find a box and then how many positions they can create while in the box. I always throw in extra points if they stay long enough for me to get my camera.

I can't wait until I can have a cat (or cats?) of my own...

if a picture is worth a thousand words....here's 11,300+ words

2006-08-09T22:33:00.000-05:00

it's somewhat hard to see, but he has crimp in there. Actual, honest to goodness, crimp.

(I've tried for four years to get a picture of a cat with his tounge out, or in mid-yawn. A week with him and I had a yawn and several tounge-out shots. Who knew?) I think I looked forward to his daily brushings as much as he did. (fiber is fiber....)

ah ha! I do have a micro setting on my camera!

(why did that take four years to figure out?)

before.....(damp from the night before's shower)

and after - 10 1/2 - 11 inches gone! (the hair was donated to locks of love)

before.....

and after. My car will be lived out of over the next several months, and so I made an attempt to keep relevant things together and important things easy to find and reach. (notice that bin of sock yarn and it's position....)

four infant/kid quilts to donate to Project Linus. My mom worked on them and I did some of the basic piecing. (I can't take credit for the blue/yellow log cabin) My mom also whipped up another four fleece blankets (bigger in size) to send to Camp Sunshine. My fabric stash has been sorted and several of my larger pieces of fabric were used in the cause - a good thing. (less to pack, less to carry around and store!)

and last but not least - decontamination. "Decon" isn't anything I hope to have to do in the future,

but at least now I can say I've done it. (pictures of knitting were accidentally erased and I didn't get additional shots tonight. Tomorrow I hit the road to visit a friend in Rhode Island before heading on to York for three weeks. I have Aug, Sept, Oct and Dec set up with where I'm going to be when, but November isn't finalized yet. I've spent the last few nights thinking about where I want to be...Rhode Island? Long Island? Ohio? California? Vermont? I settled on applying to a program in Memphis and with any luck that'll work out. (Jan-May is in the air though, and the list of potential places spans the whole country....))

cardiopulmonary resuscitation, mechanical ventilation, burn management, life-threatening metabolic inbalances and decontamination (oh my!)

2006-08-03T11:51:00.000-05:00

it's been a long time since I've posted from my medical school classroom, and it will be another ~40 weeks before I'm back here again. (that time it'll be for the much anticipated "senior" week and I'll be counting days til gradution...)

We're all here for a week of emergency medicine training and review; this morning had me putting breathing tubes in very inflexible dummies (difficult, very difficult), “sticking” realistic looking plastic torsos with (anatomically placed) iv tubing filled with red dye in order to practice central lines in subclavian and internal jugular veins and then hearing about all of the settings on mechanical ventilators. This afternoon I’ll wrap up my “hands on” training with arterial cath line reviews, talking through emergency scenarios, and a whirlwind ek(c?)g session; a full day, if I do say so. It’ll end with a test (that has become take-home, thankgoodness) and then we’ll be back early tomorrow morning for disaster training.

yes, disaster training.

As in, what to do if any of the following happens: biological/chemical/radiation emergency, blast or crush injuries occur, and there are sessions on defining mass casualties and the psychological impact that presents itself if any of the aforementioned things does take place. Then, we end our last day here, the last technical day of our third year of school (I counted my last day as the last day of my rotation – which was a week ago) by being “decontaminated” by the local fire department.

Yes, the fire department.

We were instructed to bring swimsuits and towels and a change of clothing because we WILL get wet. (the sheet of paper in my hand actually reads:

***YOU WILL GET WET***

emphasis is theirs so I’m fairly certain they aren’t kidding. I don’t want to be decontaminated, especially in my swimsuit with my classmates. I’ve seen Monsters Inc – to decontaminate they put a yellow bowl over the spot, hit a button and it blows up. What more do I need to know?!?

After I’m deemed “decontaminated” I’ll head back to my parent’s house to resume going through everything. I’ve moved boxes and bins three times now, and still have things to throw out and re-organize. I’m tired of packing and trying to find room for things but the only other option is to throw everything out, and that just seems silly. I’ve set aside the things I can’t live without for the next 10+ months and eventually my car will be organized in a way that makes it easy to find things. (or so the theory goes…) Next week I'm off to York, PA for a three week stint in radiology (which I liken to hiding out in a batcave for a little while); I have one good reccomendation for yarn stores - do any of you want to meet up on my trip down/back or while I'm there? (I can travel, I think, on weekends...) Labor Day weekend I head back for four week family practice rotation in rural New England - it's one requirement that I'm not dreading.

I cut off 11 inches of hair this week and it’s made a big difference in dealing with this awful heat and humidity. I had been growing it out to donate it (and, well, finding time to get it cut isn’t always a priority of mine) and do have before and after pictures. Once I get back to a somewhat stable site (meaning: I have time to upload pictures, wireless internet to post them) I’ll put pictures up – there are many but I’ll pick out the good ones.

I am so glad that this year is (almost?) over. Just 43w1d before I can officially call myself a doctor….

happiness is....

2006-07-23T16:21:00.000-05:00

- 45 weeks
- being thisclose to the end of my third year of school
- a break in the heat
- finding time to knit, every now and then

This is my last week of family practice, and the last official week of my third year of med school. (Some people at this point in the year are considered fourth years due to different core rotation schedules) I have truely enjoyed this rotation and will be sad to see it end, but I am ready for my fourth year to start. (the sooner it starts, the sooner it ends....)

I have been lucky in that I've been in 1-2 hospital systems this year, and even though I've moved all over the place, I now know my way around, know the electronic medical record system, am comfortable with the attending physicians (both in family practice and various specialties) and residents (and nurses and janitors, etc) and that aspect is going to be hard to leave. Starting in August I'll be a different place every four weeks - places I choose (based on housing availabilty, what I want to do and where I want to travel to) but I forsee it having a very different feel overall.

I've started to think about where I want to apply for residency, and the spot I'm in now is (still) my number one choice. I have many thoughts on this that may trickle out over the next few days (or weeks) and am curious what your thoughts are on returning to the area where you grew up (assuming you left, at some point) vs. starting "over" or "fresh" somewhere new.

There has been knitting, and at some point I'll share pictures. This week brought some bizzare weather that included hail, high (and hard) winds (that knocked out power to both the hospital and clinic I'm working at, as well to all of the houses I currently have keys for) and soaking rains that started when the sky literally opened up. I used the dark powerless nights to work on my "easy" knitting projects and haven't had a chance to pick up my lace work. Everything from the current move/reorganization should be packed/repacked within the next few days - I'm looking forward to having time to knit again.

at some point tonight I realized that I could put my hand on no less than 20 darning needles, but couldn't (for the life of me) find my socks-in-progress. I can't wait to live in one place for more than a year....

(to those who left comments re: the yarn below - please email me at medstudentwhoknits removeAT yahoo RemoveDotRemoveCom. Between the power going out and the dial up connection I'm using, searching for ways to get in touch with you is easier said than done! I will have pictures and details on the yarn if you are still interested)

happiness is.....

2006-07-16T16:37:00.000-05:00

- 46 weeks
- the cat, even though he has decided that this awful heat and humidity is my problem and must be fixed now thankyouverymuch
- getting the first round of virtual paperwork done for my residency applications
- iced coffee with a hint of milk and dash of sugar
- real brewed iced tea with fresh lemon

Summer has arrived here in the Northeast - and I hate to say that I won't be sorry when it's gone. I like the sun and am glad that I can wear sandals again, but the damp and sticky air is draining all motivation for me to be packing and moving things. Right now my car is half full with boxes that need to be gone through and repacked, and a whole 'nother load (or two, or three) are waiting in various places for their turn to be dumped out onto the floor and resorted. (how, exactly, did it come to this? where did all of this stuff come from? I've obviously been through it all before (at some point during one of the six moves in the past three years) but I still question why I held onto certain things. On the upside I did find my Ann Bud's Handy Guide book (missing since last summer) and a few cds that I thought were long gone.)

(I would feel differently about the heat if I were by a lake and had nothing better to do than read books, knit and sip iced tea, taking a break to jump into the water every now and then...)

I am unsure what to do with all of my yarn...I'm torn between putting all but a few projects into storage OR selling what I no longer love here. Generally I still like what I have, but the Rowan Big Wool in berry red will probably never be knit into a flattering sweater, and the Debbie Bliss Cotton/Wool never seems to beat out my wools for time on the needles. After hearing (and experiencing) horror stories about Bartlett yarn guages it was put at the bottom of the bin and won't become a Rogue afterall. I also have some random sock yarns that seemed like great ideas at the time (enough for two socks - not my favorite collection of one'skeins) and some cottons for kids projects that have yet to happen. I've toyed with the idea of boxing it all up and sending it to Camp Sunshine (they are always looking for knitting supplies) but I'm not 100% sold on that either. (It might be selfish but I don't want to put a sweaters worth of yarn into the mail to Camp Sunshine without knowing what it will become...yes, beginners should learn with the best, but it just feels funny...)

If you are interested in any of the above let me know (medstudentwhoknits at removethis yahoo ) and I can send you pictures (though it might take a day or two to get the camera/laptop/internet thing figured out; I am now writing this from the cathouse computer with dial-up). I don't have any prices set or ideas of what to "charge" but I will say that I'm not out to make a huge profit, just to find good homes for yarn.

(and cover shipping, as a student's budget doesn't allow for such things, especially after today's $995 charge for one of my board exams. Before I can graduate I must pass the "PE" (or physical exam) skills part of the boards - essentially a 7 hour test with actor patients in a simulated clinic so I can prove that I can talk to patients and make good clincial decisions in the time allotted. In order to take it I have to trek to the one testing center in the US and I put off scheduling it because I didn't want to have it sitting on my credit card, but the NBOME keeps sending me emails that make it sound like I won't! get! a! spot! and! it! could! affect! my! graduation! so I went ahead and registered. November 2nd I'll be in Philly from 2-9:30pm. Anyone wanna do lunch? or visit yarn stores?)

The paperwork aspect of my residency applications got pushed aside once I started "moving" things and today I sat down to work on it. I'm not sure how knitting and spinning will work it's way into my personal statement, but I'm sure it will. The whole process of "The Match" is an essay in itself but I find comfort in knowing those that have gone before me (Theresa, EtherKnitter, The Knitting Doctor and everyone else that I've forgotten (it's the heat, really)) lived through the process.

(I could have a multilevel countdown going - one for November 2nd PE boards, One for Feb 12th (Match Day for the oste0pathz (spelling such that I don't get googled for it) and then the ongoing countdown for graduation (46 weeks - did I say that already?). I need to take the other part of step II (computer multiple choice testing ... I'll try to hide my excitement) but that means registering for it (another $495 - yay for credit cards!) and then finding the time to study for it.)

They say fourth year is the best year - so far, it's just been the most expensive.

My spinning was getting more even and I was having a good time playing around with raw wool, but then my Robin's driveband broke. It was due to be replaced (secondary to being stretched out) but I think the trip to this house in a hot car finally did it in. I've emailed to see about getting a new one and will send the broken one off to it's new home. (the snakepit home for broken drivebands...)

I have been knitting and working on several projects, but they are surprises and not things to be posted about yet. (I could use that as an excuse for no pictures...say, let me do that. There aren't any pictures because it would spoil the surprises...)

Needless to say I am looking forward to the last two weeks of my third year (the last two weeks of my family practice rotation) and will be glad when things are packed and organized.

when all else fails....

2006-07-12T20:08:00.000-05:00

(post pictures of the cat (that I am borrowing). I am in a strange position of not having wireless internet in the same place as my laptop, and most of what I own is in some sort of box, bin or bag at this point in time. The white car was officially donated to the Kidney Foundation today, and so everything that was in that car is now in my blue car; it might take all weekend to figure out which end is up. 'til then, enjoy the cat.)

this cat....

is....

always good for....

a laugh.

He is a king among kings, and demanding enough to keep me on my toes and in line. I love taking care of him.

happiness is.....

2006-07-05T22:26:00.000-05:00

46 weeks, 3 days.

Each time I try and summarize all that has been going on I find myself at a loss of where to start, and what to say and how to say it and the like, so instead I'll simply say this: There has been a lot going on.

(there was a wedding of a good friend that took place a few minutes from Webs - guess who left the reception for a quick yarn fix? There was a great weekend spent with fiber friends who shared their wool knowledge, fashion sense and couch so I could enjoy as much time as possible with them before hitting the road and I have been spinning or knitting every chance I get, yet feel like I'm getting nowhere on everything...strange that.)

I am in the process of yarn relocation and needle acquisition, or, as some might say, moving. My time in the student house has come to an end (yay!) and tomorrow night starts a three week cat/house sitting gig that will take me to the end of my time here. Right now my car is packed with things that need to be gone through, sorted and repacked and I foresee finding all of the sock needles that have mysteriously disappeared over the past 10 months. I haven't figured out which yarn will trek around the northeast with me, but I can say with certainty that there will be a fair amount of sock yarn along for the ride.

My surgery rotation ended, and I started my 6 week family practice rotation.

I. love. family. medicine.

It could be that I'm seeing patients on my own, and making recommendations and writing notes and following up on labs that I "ordered." It could be that I am not spending my days in the operating rooms. It might be that I am working with some phenomenal attending physicians who like to teach and truly love what they are doing. Or it could be some strange combination of all those things - whatever it is, I am enjoying it.

Today I saw two toddlers, an elderly woman and a middle aged male, all from various backgrounds and with different problems. Each day is full of surprises (some better than others). I like talking with patients and love having the time to sit and talk with them about what is going on in their lives, what they have done and what they wish to do; how they see their health and what stands in the way of them feeling better. The presenting problem is only half the story, and fishing out the other concerns is important to me. (doing it in an noninvasive way is even more important to me.) I know that the hour long appointments will not last forever, and so I fully intend to make the most of my time before I'm reduced to 15 minute with patients.

In the words of KT Turnstall: "Suddenly I see...This is what I wanna be...Suddenly I see...Why the hell it means so much to me..."

Other things have finally calmed down too; to make a very long story very short, I had a medical thing come up. In January I had an abnormal MRI that led to visits with several specialists and more questions than answers. Over the past several months I've spent a long time in waiting rooms on the other side of the medical fence while the list of things that could be going on was reduced to just one thing as items were crossed off. Everything is okay, and now I have some answers that can help me figure out where to go from here. It means that I won't need to take time off, don't need to change very much and can now figure out what comes next.

I finally feel like I'm no longer holding my breath and it's a good feeling. My friends and family and others have all individually commented that I look like I'm "back" again and I have to agree; it's nice to be in my own groove again.

This could be the calm before the next storm (residency applications, pages and pages and pages of things that need to be filled out and figured out, moving around every four weeks for the entirety of my fourth year and figuring out my tangled finances and loans) but it also could be that the worst has passed...

(pictures at some point this weekend, once everything is in the same place and speaking the same language. I never understood the posts I read that said things like "my camera isn't connecting to my computer." This must be some sort of cosmic payback for rolling my eyes and wondering how it was possible for such a thing to happen.)

My Amazing Lace Poem

2006-07-02T09:33:00.000-05:00

(I have been working on the Lorna's Laces pie wedge shawl; pictures to follow once my camera and computer decide to start speaking again...)

while others are done with their lace
we seem to be avoiding the race
I've got excuses upthe'wazoo
but with rotations and papers due,
we just can't keep up with the pace.

It all started with you in a hank
as yarn that didn't break the bank*
no matter what you say
I couldn't knit with you that way
now you're a ball that led me to drank.
(*thanks ebay...)

a pattern was the next hurdle to jump
I'm a beginner hoping to tri-umph
the label said "free"
and then said "easy!"
it had me before I was stumped.

finding time is always an issue
and you're not as portable as my tissues
there are always patients to see
and places to be
I didn't know how much I'd miss you.

the summer wedding that was my deadline,
when I'd see friends I hadn't seen in some time,
was a beautiful event
without you present
but that means I could drink the red wine.

I can't make finishing promises to keep
and honestly if it's between you and sleep
I'll take the nap
otherwise I'll screw up your [stitch] wraps,
but will say lace has been a fun knitting leap.

50 weeks.

2006-06-18T22:26:00.000-05:00

Today was a fabulous day, and now that the reality of the weekend ending has begun to set in, I'm finding myself wanting to do something, anything, to hold onto parts of it. How can I keep the joy that comes with paddling a canoe on a beautiful lake and watching the sun set (like a golden orb) from the shore? I want to keep the taste of grilled salmon and fresh rubarb compote on my tounge, and replay the sound of happy, purring cats over and over and over again.

Things that have felt up in the air and out of control weren't at the front of my mind this weekend, and now that questions and concerns are starting to eep back into my thoughts, I find myself feeling ungrounded and frustrated. This will pass, I know that, and I'll use this as a chance to work on holding onto the good stuff and remembering that there will be a house (that needs sitting on) near a lake again in the future. This week is a big week in terms of what happens next in one aspect of my life; there will be more answers soon.

Last weekend was the Fiber Frolic, and I happened to be in the right place at the right time.

I'd like you to meet Robin. She's a Gil Gonsalves wheel and I love her. (warning: the main site has music playing) The whole story starts in November of last year, when Kellee posted that she had tried one of his wheels. I wanted one then, but it seemed a little drastic to put myself on his 2 year wait-list when I wasn't even sure if I'd like spinning.

I can say, with absolute certainty, that I love to spin. Sitting down with Lyle the Louet has been almost magical, and spinning on Robin is simply a dream come true. I was in the right place at the right time and got a deal on a used wheel that came without the waitlist wait and I can't be happier about the whole thing. (no, Robin isn't going to go with me around the northeast next year; Lyle will go with me.)

I might not be able to hold onto the sunset of this evening, or recall what a purring happy cat sounds like in a split second, but I can sit down to spin and feel the wonder creep in to replace the doubts and questions. The right place and the right time are only as far away as my closest wheel. And for that I am grateful.

51 weeks.

2006-06-11T23:12:00.000-05:00

a weekend in picture form....

Saturday was the Maine Fiber Frolic.....

this sheep was one of the more friendly in the bunch....

the bleeting from this pen was almost too cute to bear...

this note accompanied....

these sheep (the seven weekers)

and the three weekers.

cashmere goats with amazing horns!

Things were purchased but they need to wait for another day. After the frolic I shifted gears and spent time with my family for a "pre-graduation" dinner; my youngest brother graduated from high school today.

Sunday, in photo form....

a wonderful end to a great day of celebration.

happy garden gnomes,

excited because the rain stopped! (my other brother's college graduation was in Boston the weekend of the NH fiber festival; all that rain? it was falling in Boston too....)

and the cats I'm watching still (at midnight) haven't come in. I hope they're enjoying a moonlight hunt and I'll seen them in the AM for food and a day of napping. Life is good. Very, very good.

(this is my last! week! of! my! surgery! rotation! Family practice is due to start next week...)

Lyle it is.

2006-06-08T20:44:00.000-05:00

what started as a bit of a joke has become reality. Lyle Louet is a hardworking, no'frills sort of standard, much like Lyle Lovett's music. (I do not like country music - his most recent albums have been great combinations of bluesy folk music with great storytelling lyrics. No twang. Only a few lost girls. Sofar as I know, no dying dogs.)

spindle vs. wheel (thin and fairly consistent on the spindle, uneven but faster on the wheel)

a bit blurry, but a better idea of the colors. The brown "yarn" is from a beautiful jacob roving that has been fun to play with.

I was warned that wheel spinning would be intially frustrating, and that I should resist the urge to pitch it out the window. Good advice, but it isn't helping my want to be good at spinning - something that I know will come with time. I need to do some reading about what things like "ratios" mean, and how to best "read" the wheel and my spinning. Plying is something I will tackle only after I do some series research, or find someone who can help me with the process.

I am behind in just about everything right now (in life as well as school and other aspects of goingson) and sitting behind* the wheel, as frustrating as it was to have to join fiber over and over again, was a nice break. I think it's the start of a great relationship...

(* irony not lost on me.)

ta-da!

2006-06-06T22:01:00.000-05:00

look what was waiting for me when I got home today...

a neatly packed box....

...soon turned into "what a lot of pieces that all need to be put together in an organized fashion."

two of the pieces needed gluing together; they were set up in a wood vice by my dad, and rescued by me after the prescribed 20 minutes. (the best part of running down to the basement to free this piece was returning to the upstairs to find my dad putting together bobbins...and then being so intrigued that he helped me put the rest of it together. (I was grateful; give my current (tired) state, I'm fairly certain I'd have given up and put it all back in the box for the night.))

a horrible no'natural'light picture of my new love. Still nameless (though Lyle is in the running...). I tredled and then found myself saying "now what?!?" I'm headed to bed for the night and will tackle that question tomorrow....

52 Weeks

2006-06-04T19:22:00.000-05:00

My time on surgery is now 2/3 over and at this point in time it looks like the six weeks after that will be spent on a family practice rotation. This past week was memorable because one of the surgeons starts his one-day-a-week in the OR with ABBA; there is NOTHING like having "Mama Mia" stuck in my head all day long.

I have been knitting and thought it best to provide photographic evidence for those wondering when the last time I picked up the needles was:

Socks are my current best friends, being that they are pick-up’put-down’able enough to keep my company while on my surgery rotation. The pink one is a finished trekking sock (waiting for a mate to be started and for the toe to be k'd), and the one on the left is regia sock yarn that I love but the heel doesn’t quite fit right so they’ll be for my narrow-footed mom. The greyish one actually has flecks of reds and blues and has been worked on for far too long. (It was with me the last time I saw Stephanie Harlot speak and the heel still isn’t turned….) The dark pink previously-frogged yarn on the far right has been started three times. I just can’t tell what kind of a sock it wants to grow up to be.

The “square” (haaahaaaaahaaaa) is an attempt at using kitchen cotton yarn. I tried to make a mitered square but it was a disaster and ripped twice before starting a log-cabin’esque type of thing. The eventual goal was for a double sided oven mitt thing, but now I’m not sure it’s worth continuing. It wasn’t a total loss because knitting it kept me busy during breakfast this morning and I’ve learned from this whole experience.

in the “doesn’t (knit) along well with others” aspect of my life, I’m overdue with an Amazing Lace update. I haven’t knit lace (not counting the things that I have unintentionally put holes in) and trying to find the perfect first project has been harder then I thought it’d be. I put in an order for a few lace patterns and once they arrive (this week?) I’ll pick one and dig in. The yarn has already been acquired and I’ll warn you that it isn’t lace weight. I need to start with something that has a little instant gratification, and sock wt/sport wt is the way to go. (or the way I’m going to go…) Being a week (or more) behind isn’t new for me, but I do hope to catch up and stay on top of it this summer.

The wheel (yet to be named… I really want to call it Lyle (Louet) but I think that verges on cheezy. I don’t really like cheeze.) should/will be here this week (pending UPS’ behavior). I am excited. Very, very excited. The Maine Fiber Frolic this coming weekend seems to have timed itself perfectly with this purchase and I do believe that some fiber will come home with me….

My recent house switch-around-getting-ready-to-catsit-for-another-set-of-cats has me wanting to create a sign of sorts that reads “Home is where the Yarn is.” This reminder could go with me as I move around for the next year while in rotations. Right now I’ve got things in three houses and haven’t emptied out my old car (I bought a new’to’me car) so my yarn is spread out far and wide. This weekend, when I spend time in the new (4th) house, my goal is to gather everything up and put it all in one place. I won’t remove everything from student housing (house #2), by my white car is parked there and it’s a treasure trove of odds and ends. And the trunk is full of sock yarn and my Mason-Dixon Book – both things I need to spend some serious time with. I also need to empty the car before donating it to charity and now’s a good a time as ever….

(I am not looking forward to that packing/moving everything adventure but I can’t wait to see all of my yarn again. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and my yarn and I are overdue with a reunion.)

A year from yesterday I’ll be graduating from medical school…let the countdown begin.

the story of how I feel in love with fiber and then ordered a wheel....

2006-05-31T23:05:00.000-05:00

My love of fiber in the form of roving started at Spa in 2005; I trekked my way to the DoubleTree hotel and wandered around a room of vendors with a single goal: find wool to make thrummed mittens. I had heard they were warm and it was a cold and snowy winter – perfect for mittens that would keep my hands warm and dry.

I had no idea what different types of wool were called, why they were different and what was best for thrums so I simply put my hands into bins and buckets of wool until I found something that felt soft and looked affordable. The vendors were helpful but not sure how to help me and no one knew how much fiber I’d need for a simple pair of mittens. I walked away with a bag full of Icelandic wool from the friendly people at Frelsi Farm Icelandic and was hooked on fiber.

I still haven’t made thrummed mittens, but that initial batch of fiber has been a touchstone and was the reason why I got a Bosworth drop spindle at Cummington last year. (well, I also happened to be in the right place at the right time and Laurie and I had a sort of pact that was a bit like “I’ll get one if you get one…”)

Then life got in the way.

The spindle was packed and moved and unpacked and repacked and moved and over the course of the past year my fingers forgot what to do with the wool. I don’t have anyone locally that could help me out with the spinning process and every attempt I made by myself was simply frustrating. After this past weekend it’s also become clear that (for many reasons) I probably wasn’t in the best place to learn how to use a new fibery tool last year (pre-boards among other things…) but! my desire to figure it out has been simmering. Over the past year I watched and cheered on other new spindlers, saw as wheels were tried and bought and used to make the most amazing yarn and created a sort of “plan” for what my future in spinning would look like….

The plan:
- figure out how to use spindle while in my 3rd/4th year of med school
- try wheels with the goal of buying myself a wheel for graduation (from med school)
- figure out how to use a wheel in residency

there are many problems with this plan – the first being that I’m crazy to think that I’ll have time to learn how to use a spinning wheel during my first year of residency (often known as the “intern” year, or ayearofhell). The other issues weren’t truly clear to me until this past weekend and the jist is that there’s no way I can wait a year to own a wheel. The logistics ran through my head as I wandered around the fairgrounds on Saturday so I focused on getting the technique of using a spindle down.

This year at Cummington it made sense. I watched (sometimes out of the corner of my eye) how others held the spindle and the wool, how they started with a new fiber, how to spin lusciously greasy wool straight out of a bag of fleece, and how to pick it up when it falls on the floor and just keep going.

That last one was a particularly good lesson. I was initially worried about how foolish and clumsy I’d look, and how the generous and amazing people would feel about repeating themselves and showing me again and again what to do with my hands. Those fears, I soon learned, were completely unfounded; everyone was patient and kind and showed me ways to fix what I had done wrong and how to do it another way. I saw and learned more in one evening then I could have possibly understood using a book or video from the internet and as a result sat somewhat self-absorbedly playing with my spindle. I stopped when I was too tired to see straight but wanted to keep it going.

When I knit items like simple stockenette socks my fingers know what to do without needing any help from my mind. I can feel when a stitch isn’t quite right, or when I’ve dropped a stitch because, for example, the spacing has changed. Knitting has become automatic and it’s part of the reason I want to branch out into lace and more “complicated” stitches – there are times I want something that I have to think about and concentrate on. Yes, knitting during classes and while studying has been a lifesaver (literally), but I’m on the verge of thinking it’s always something I do when I’m working on something else.

Spinning at Cate’s re-opened (for lack of a better term) the part of my brain that has been asleep for the past four years. My fingers and mind worked together to figure out how much to draft, how much twist was needed or already there and, at the risk of sounding like a cliché, it was somewhat peaceful. Spinning had never before been something I did to reach a state of calm, and yet there I was – calm as could be in a room full of people laughing and talking and knitting and spinning. I wasn’t overwhelmed, wasn’t getting a headache or withdrawing into myself.

I get it now.

Sunday morning I had plans to head south to complete my weekend tour of New England and help a friend move into her new apartment near Providence, RI. While enjoying one last cup of coffee in Cate’s living room I started talking to a gentleman named Doug who was sitting next to me. We talked about where we were from, and at one point he mentioned that he had a wheel that he’d be happy to lend me so I could practice and try it out. He was an authorized Louet dealer and before I knew it I was saying “or I could just buy one.” He tried once to talk me out of it and into just borrowing a wheel (that could be bought if I wanted to) but I was firm that this was something I wanted to do. I’d looked at lots of wheels on the internet and couldn’t see how an ornate wheel fit into my future as a med student/resident and that’s when the Louet moved to the top of my “plan” list.

I’d heard that the right wheel at the right time would speak to me, but in my case it was the right person in the right place at the right time. (beware the power of Cate’s wool room, er, living room and house when it’s filled with people under the influence of a lanolin high because there are beautiful fleeces and wheels and knitting nearby….)

The wheel Louet is an S-17, which is marketed as a budget wheel for the beginner but what really appeals to me is how sturdy it looks. I think this wheel (and the absence of spokes – beautiful as they may be on other wheels) can stand up to being packed and moved around every few weeks next year. It will serve the purpose of being a wheel that I learn on, play with and enjoy. My plan of a new wheel for gradation is still a possibility but now when I start to look I’ll know what I want and what works best for me. It's not here yet, but it'll make it's way here some way or another and I can't wait. (Can't. Wait.)

I think it’s strange that I find myself trying to justify the purchase to everyone – wool people know what I’m talking about when I simply say “I wanted a wheel.” For everyone else I have a long mental list of reasons why this was a good idea and how it will be a benefit to have one now. Life is too short to wait for the calm I felt that night.

(I could go on and on about how I feel in love with fleece(s) on Saturday and how carrying around a lock of fresh wool was near intoxicating and how I continually asked people to remind me that I did not need a fleece (what is the opposite of enabling?) but really wanted one anyway. Now that I’m immersed in surgery again I know I don’t have time to process a whole fleece but someday….someday….)

Re-entry to the world of medicine (a land I was ecstatic to leave behind for a few wonderful days) was and has been difficult. Straddling two worlds (fiber and medicine) that do not often intersect is hard but very much worth it and weekends like this past one keep me going forward. I’m not always happy with what I see and do during my rotations and as a result of that (and other things going on in my life) I can be rather grumpy. It was nice to not feel like one of the least liked seven dwarves this weekend, and what others have written remains true for me as well. It is hard to describe but it was real. I was Real. Med students aren’t often encouraged to be or stay real while in training and it’s a struggle to keep it up. Glimpses into what can and will be help me remember – thank you to everyone.

(links et cetra are going to have to wait – it’s midnight and I have to be up and on my way into the OR in a few hours….)

can't we just be friends?

2006-05-30T22:22:00.000-05:00

to my dear bosworth drop spindle.....

I've been a faithful wannabe spindler with you this past year but I think it's time for me to start seeing other spindles. It's time for me to drop the "wannabe" part of that title, and given our past performance together I'm not sure I can count on you to help me out. You look so lonely when you're fiberless, which has been often.

I think it's best for the both of us, and would like to formally introduce you to the new spindle. It's a bit lighter then you are, but makes up for it in length. Variety is the spice of life and this spindle saw me from across the way - who am I to refuse the call of warm wood? Once I picked it up, I could not put it down...it was a sure sign that we were meant to be together. (I want to say that it picked me, but that would just be crazy-talk....or would it?)

(The Atlas of Human Anatomy is feeling a bit out of place there in the corner...)

The lessons from the kind, experienced spinners were great, and I'm sure what I learned using the new spindle will apply to you as well. I get it now - really, really get it, but it's important to note that even though I get it, I can't *do* it all yet. My fingers are still new at knowing how to anticipate what the fiber will do and I expect to have lots of thick and thin "yarn" (I use the term loosely).

Owning multiple spindles is all the rage now, and from what I can gather it's a socially acceptable arrangement. I think we can make this work, so let's give it a try?

(and by the time we've figured this situation out it'll be time to introduce you to the, er, other thing that was purchased this weekend.....)

yours in spindling love,
(and more about this past weekend will follow....),
Kristen

my dear, dear drop spindle....

2006-05-23T22:16:00.000-05:00

it’s not you, it’s me.

You are a magnificent piece of handiwork, a pleasing weight and complete with beautifully contrasting wood tones. I am a selfish knitter who hasn’t taken the time to truly work with you…the time it takes to work through my frustration into calmness and ease. Time after time I’ve used the excuse that you aren’t in the right place at the right time (and it’s true that I haven’t been dragging you to all of my cat/dog sitting gigs) but really you aren’t as portable as one of my many socks-in-progress (yet).

It’s been almost a year since you’ve come into my life and I am so sorry I haven’t gotten to know you better. I’ve held off using my “good” fiber for fear that I’d tornado it, but over and over again those who are good with spindles and wheels tell me that’s the only way I’ll learn. Your potential still amazes me and I haven’t given up. (yet.) All those times I ended our park’n’draft attempts with confused looks of “how do they do it? they make it look easy…” I am sorry about that. Really sorry. It's unfair of me to want to be so good at something that is so new, and it's not your fault.

This weekend we will head back to the wonder known as “Cummington” and I want you to know that even though I may sit near a spinning wheel, I WILL NOT BUY ONE. I will remain faithful to you, little guy – it’s the least I can do for a spindle that sticks around somewhat unused for a whole year.

Maybe, to make it up to you, I’ll get some new, amazingly fantastic fiber.

Maybe.

socks and surgeons, oh my!

2006-05-17T20:47:00.000-05:00

socka-pal-phew!-za: my pal’s socks arrived in one piece, and they fit her! I was worried that they’d be too tight or the cuffs would be too long, but she was kind enough to let me know that they fit fine. (I was also worried that the colors wouldn’t be what she wanted (she loves greens and I had a hard time finding washable variegated green sock yarn…) but they were also to her liking – I was glad to hear that. I knit them for Patrice, who is (sadly) blogless.

socka-pal-for-me?!?-za: I was lucky enough to get a pair of the best socks in the world!

picture of socks......(borrowed from my pal's site but saved to my own computer)

My pal had to wade through the ramblings I sent out (a long run on sentence about what I’d knit myself vs. what I’d never knit myself and it went on and on and on about the colors I like, don’t like and combinations, etc) and she took it all into account. The yarn was hand-dyed (by her!) and the pattern is one that she came up with while trying to figure out what to knit up. The yarn looked beautiful in a feather and fan pattern but she was kind enough to realize I might not like them because I don’t like chevrons. In truth, I think I’d have loved anything that was knit from this yarn but I appreciate that she frogged and then invented a pattern! I don’t have pictures of the socks on my feet (yet) but they have been worn and admired many times. Thank you Celia!

(that is the picture she posted; once my camera and all of it’s parts find themselves in the same place (and the sun comes out) I’ll share pictures of them on my feet.)

Knitting, at this point in time: socks. They are reliable because I can knit them without a pattern and small enough to go with me wherever I go. In fact, the first day on my surgical rotation they were a conversation starter…which brings me to….

Surgery rotation: I have, perhaps, the best surgery rotation (for someone who is not planning on being a surgeon (though my surgeon-wanna-be classmates also enjoyed it) in the northern hemisphere. The general surgeon that is “in charge” of the med students knits. He knits the socks that he wears everyday and has been knitting for “a very, very long time.”

When he saw the yarn peeking out of the top of my “bag’o’medical’references” he asked what I was knitting and it started the proverbial ball (of yarn?) rolling. He wanted to know how long I’ve been knitting (specifically how long I’ve been knitting every day, not how many years ago I learned to knit), what I have knit in the past, the yarns I prefer and then encouraged me to dig out the sock and work on it. He knits with five metal dpn’s, has never heard of a “short row heel” and instead flaps. He doesn’t believe socks should be fancy with lace or other designs because that’s just not practical and he doesn’t need patterns because he can knit a sock without thinking about it and why fix what isn’t broken? When I asked what type of yarn the pair he had on was knit from he said he wasn’t sure, as “most companies are making those jacquard patterns now” but it probably wasn’t Regia because it wasn’t soft enough.(!) He told me stories about how his wife started knitting a pair for herself but later lengthened them and gifted them to him because every time he saw her working on them he told her how much he loved the yarn; He went on to tell me how much he loves knitting for her because she always appreciates it.

Then he asked if I spun. I confessed to owning a drop spindle that I don’t feel proficient using and asked if he spun. I figured the answer was going to be yes (and it was) but I couldn’t hide the shock when he told me that he owns three spinning wheels.

Three. Spinning. Wheels.

At that point I no longer worried about this rotation – how could it be bad when my over-seer knits and spins? (I haven’t figured out which types of wheels he owns (yet) but will. At this point it’s 8 days down, 22 to go. There’s time.) I still don’t want to be a surgeon, but my days aren’t as long as they could be and the hospital I’m in is a small (small-small) community hospital and most of the procedures are elective. There aren’t any residents (people that med students are usually “under”) so I’m working directly with the docs and scrub nurses.

I have yet to hit the floor. That alone means that the first 8 days have been a success.

I did sew some sutures in the first week (we won’t talk about how I had to change scrubs afterwards because I’d dripped through the first set – in my defense there were four people staring at me and it was the first time; the second time wasn’t much better, but I’m only willing to talk about the first time…) and have scrubbed into many different surgeries. I’ve worked with an ob/gyn, a neurosurgeon, another ob/gyn, two different general surgeons, joked with a proctologist (if he is representative of his field they have Amazing senses of humor) and successfully avoided the orthopods and sinus surgery doc. Ortho cases are bloody and full of bone cracking and smells that aren’t natural and therefore I may not remain upright. I don’t think I can keep the avoidance up for the full six weeks, but so far, so good.

Other randomness: Right now my yarn (and other belongings) are spread out between three houses and two cars. I’ve changed locations yet again and went ahead and bought a car. (I love my new (used) car. It’s blue.) At some point I’ll need to gather everything and organize it but until then I’m living in denial. It’s not causing too many problems right now, so why invite trouble?

There are other things going on. Things such as me trying to arrange for a few weeks off from my rotations to do some other things that will help me get through rotations and, perhaps, pass the boards. I’ve been trying to come up with a more eloquent way to explain what has been going on but I haven’t had that moment of inspiration yet. In short, things are still up in the air. I am ready for them to fall, but it appears that I can’t influence gravity and will have to wait it out. Or take up juggling. Anyone know how to juggle?

MOM is WOW upside down....

2006-05-14T10:43:00.000-05:00

Happy Day Mom!

(yes, the picture is from last year....I don't have enough yarn with me to invent something else this year...)

and.....they're...off!!! (as in, the socks have left the building)

2006-05-07T20:21:00.000-05:00

dear sockpal,

these are on the way to you - a few days late, but that wasn't because the socks weren't done. (they were done a week ago so I could get them out to you in time!) Nope, instead I had a heckva time trying to postcards. Postcards? yes, postcards. Now that I've found a few I'm seeing them everywhere - and all of the people that I asked to keep an eye out for some have reported back to me that they, too, are finding them all over the place. The socks are on their way! (and should be on your doorstep early this week...)

My peds rotation ended on Friday - the last week was fairly mundane compared to the other weeks I spent in the hospital and office, and it was a nice change of pace. The themes of strep throats, flus, gastro bugs, ortho and kidney problems were just some of the things I saw over and over again. I quickly learned that the answer to the ever-popular question of "is _____ going around?" is always yes. (No, antibiotics won't always help.)

Tomorrow morning, bright and early, I start my surgery rotation. I am not excited about it as I do not have any interest in being a surgeon. I figure that if I can make it through the first week standing up, then the other five weeks will be much easier.....

Dear Mr. Ether's Leg....

2006-05-01T21:59:00.000-05:00

Hi. I heard that you're having a hard time jumpstarting this whole "regrowth" thing and I thought I'd throw in my two cents.

In order to sound like I might know what I'm talking about, I just reviewed the process of building bone. It's quite an ordeal - there are osteclasts and osteoBlasts (B for building, the "clasts" break it down and reabsorb it) and lots of chemical triggers that we don't full understand. Bone is a living thing - it has a blood supply, nerves and many textures and layers (haversian canals) and it's always changing to adapt. The canals look an awful lot like the rings of a tree, though a tree isn't always able to rebuild itself in times of trauma.

One of my professors in college always loved to tell us the story of how a bone starts out (complete with pictures and x-rays of fairly plain and smooth nondiscript bones from embryos and non-weight bearing infants) and then how it changes... how the grooves form from the muscles pulling and stretching and bearing weight. How the landmarks form - like how the achilles tendon attatchment looks different in a runner and how there can be spurs and how ballet dancers can "shape" their feet (tarsal bones) if they dance en pointe (a form of "new" weight bearing) for years.

Over time the weight bearing (or stress) "lines" change the way that bone "grows." The osteoclasts (after getting the right signal from a pathway a bit too complex to explain here) break down the bone and the osteoblast lay it down again - in a way that benefits the body at that time.

It is that knowledge that leads me to believe that you have it in you to pick up the pace and get going. Grow, grow, grow. I'm not sure what your osteoblasts have been doing but the break is over. The osteoclasts can slow down a bit and enjoy a bit of "off" time; Don't go too far though dear osteoclasts, as the whole growth/destruction thing is a balance. Reshaping requires breaking down AND rebuilding - luck a mini-recylcing process. You've been through quite a shock of breaking and artifical rebuilding and it seems to me that the balance is outta'whack (actual medical term used at one point during my rotation).

So my hope for you is that you rediscover the balance. That the osteoblasts have what they need to reach out into (what used to be familar but is now) unknown territory and that the osteoclasts can (in a very simplified way) provide them with what they need to lay down new bone.

I think you can do it. Prove me right.

your friend in growth and balance,
Kristen

ps: (I will knit for you tomorrow, and the next day and the next....)

A view from behind the scenes: Now! In! Quiz-play-along-at-home! Format!

2006-04-24T21:27:00.000-05:00

Before the quiz starts (get out your pencil and paper – there are no bubble grid sheets for this one) I want to bring this site to your attention. Watch the first 45 seconds – it’s well worth it.

http://www.worldonfire.ca

Welcome back! Now then, time for a multiple choice quiz……. No cheating and looking at the answers first.

QUESTION # 1:
What did this med student do when she got the tuition statement for her 4th year of medical school?

A. Celebrate being over $200,000 in debt by buying a new car!
B. Go on a sock yarn buying binge because, when put in perspective, it seemed liked such a small price to pay?
C. Take stock in the frozen dinners and canned soups that will be getting her through the next several months?

ANSWER TO #1:
a: 3 pts for knowing that my white SnAAB has needed more work then should be humanly possible in the three years I’ve owned it, and it is time for something a bit more reliable. (It should be mine by the end of the week….)
b. 2 pts for knowing my weakness in times of stress. (no picture because it didn’t come out. Close your eyes and imagine a counter of sock yarn…..)
c: 1 pt for the one thing I haven’t done yet. It’s a surprise when I get home at night, and sometimes I toss a coin to decide if I should peek in the freezer or the cupboard. Tomato soup or frozen fish sticks?
d: 4 pts for those of you who said that being $200,000 in debt is just craziness and I should run away to teach yoga in the woods now.

That wasn’t so bad, was it? Now that you’ve gotten the hang of it the rest of these should be easy..

QUESTION # 2:
Which of these books is NOT like the others?

A. Rudolph’s Pediatrics, because it’s hardcover.
B. The knitting book, because it’s the only one not for board review.
C. The surgery review book, because it’s smaller then the others.

ANSWER #2:
a: 2 pts for amazing texture observation.
b: 1 pt because in reality, all of these can be studied
c: 3 pts because you are aware of size. I bet you swatch.
d: 4 pts for wondering what I’ll knit while I study this time around.

QUESTION #3:
What was the final outcome of this sweater?

A. You still have that? Really? I thought it was carried away by the knitting gnomes…
B: it’s finished! Now show us a picture!
C: It’s been ripped into a pile of perfectly wound balls of cotton fleece.

ANSWER #3:
a: 2 pts for a very realistic answer. (you weren’t the people that remembered I drove a troublesome sNaab, were you….)
b: 1 pt for thinking I’m that good. I’m honored, but the truth is that my knitting has been reduced to socks these days.
c: 3 pts for knowing that as much as I love the colors and idea of a striped raglan sweater, every time I wore it I’d think about the wings under my arms. I should have known this would happen because every time I’d pull it out to work on it I’d shake my head and convince myself that I needed more opinions and then put it back in the bag and leave it for the knitting gnomes to fix. They never showed up…. This sweater will be re-knit with a proper sized raglan.
d: 4 pts for screeching “What about Rogue?!?!” (see above – socks, socks and more socks.)

QUESTION #4:
What happened to the green yarn that was wound around the house in previous post?
A. I wound back into a ball and then she ignored it.B. She carried it through several rooms again and can still be seen stalking it.
C. She and I have both ignored it, waiting for the knitting gnomes to come untangle it.

ANSWER #4:
a. 1 pt for thinking I had time to untangle it. (wouldn’t you want to see if it grew?
b. 2 pts for the truth. It was left because she kept it going and I kept laughing.
c. 3 pts for believing in knitting gnomes.
d. 4 pts for those who thought I’d taunt her with another ball of yarn so the design could be two-toned.

QUESTION #5:
Which of the following has actually happened on this pediatric rotation?
A. A four year old girl stopped what she was saying to count the red splotches on my face.
B. A 2 ½ year old who didn’t want to get her ears checked looked at me and said “All Done!!!!” and reached over to her coat and pulled her mom towards the door when we started to get our ear-checkers out.
C. My lightening quick reflexes kicked in and prevented me from being peed on.

ANSWER #5:
a. 2 pts for suggesting yet another product/method/goop that I can try to lessen the breakouts on my face. (zero points for reminding me that I should be getting 8 hours of sleep at night, exercising, washing my face 3-4 times a day and stop eating chocolate and frozen fish sticks)
b. 3 pts for laughing at the cuteness of 2 ½ year old logic.
c. 1 pt for something that has happened to most everyone who has changed a diaper.
d. 4 pts for saying “where is the ‘all of the above’ option?”

QUESTION #6:
What is the best part of cat-sitting in the house?
a. the antics of the cat – green yarn. Need I say more?
b. not being directly involved in the awful student housing politics for the past two months.
c. sharing a bed with the cat.

ANSWER #6:
a. 1 pt for reading yesterday’s post and enjoying the art that she displayed for me.
b. 2 pts for guessing things are still AWFUL with that situation.
c. 3 pts for figuring I wake up next to this every morning.

d. 4 pts for those who exclaimed “wait, what about view over the beautiful lake AND the 9 person hot-tub?”

(the view from my current front door....)

I hope this has given you some insight into what life has been like. I’ve figuratively thrown everything for next year up into the air and am now waiting for things to fall down into place. It’s craziness. And I’m tired enough to finally be laughing at it.

(That must mean that it’s time to go sit in the hot-tub…………...)

while the mice are away, the cat will play....

2006-04-23T09:10:00.000-05:00

I took off and headed to Grafton to see the Yarn Harlot on Friday night. Being that it was a late night spent with knitterly friends and the trip home was a bit of a long one, I stayed Friday night and headed back Saturday afternoon.

I returned to the house I'm cat-sitting at to find a bit of a fiber-y surprise....

it starts at the sock (bottom of the page) - see also scraps of paper that she will "hunt"

through a one room into another....

around another corner (in another room)

around yet ANOTHER corner (delicately around the ceramic piece)

back into the kitchen

crossing back over where she had already been (and around the island)

through the chairs AND the stool

around the laundry basket to the mud room.

but the action wasn't over....

the ball (green hand-dyed worsted wt yarn leftover from a sock) is now officially hers.

as she heads off to the next adventure....

As I type this she is sitting on my lap/chest and purring as though she is very proud of herself. I think she missed me.

(yet another soul overwelmed by the power of wool....)

There has been knitting, and buying and more knitting. Will update with more pictures soon.

not so much about knitting (essentially rambling about random things - the focus will return to knitting soon. Really.)

2006-04-02T21:20:00.000-05:00

on the needles: my sockapaloooza socks are going strong and now that I've got the pattern worked out they're going quickly. This is being written in transition (I'm not at the student housing house or the house I'm cat-sitting at) and my camera is packed up, but I hope to have pictures of a finished sock (and progress on the second one!) later this week.

peds: is a completely different medical world from psychiatry. I've seen many, many children, many, many parents, and need to put my rambling notes about this rotation into a form that will make sense. I'm still paranoid that I'm going to wake up with strep throat, an earache or some strange skin rash but so far, so good. (knock on wood) I wash my hands 15-20 times a day, and use more alcohol based hand sanitizer then I'd like. (it may say it's "moisturizing," but I'd beg to differ...) I love the "little littles" (my term for infants-3 year olds) but have had some good experiences with kids of every age.

There has been a lot going on "behind the scenes" of my life this year; in January I had a medical scare that resulted in several appointments with medical specialists, tests and lots of time knitting in doctor's waiting rooms. I'm okay - and will be okay, but the reality of how how awful the car accident I was in a few years ago is no longer avoidable. Things changed after I walked away from my beloved car - I can't explain it in a way that I expect to make sense, so instead I'll simply say that my life is different now. And the medical things I have going on are helping me keep things in perspective.

the best to way to describe it now? I feel as though my life is an airplane experiencing extreme amounts of turbulence. The captain (whoever that is, most days it isn't me) has turned on the "fasten seatbelts" sign and there's no telling when it will be safe enough to unbuckle and head to the bathroom. The weather looked like it'd make for an easy ride, but in the middle of the trip things got bumpy. I'm ready to be safe on the ground again, but landing the plane now won't get me any closer to my destination. This year has been just as hard as the past two, but for very different reasons.

This year I am expected to think like a doctor - and most of the time that means thinking like the doctor I am working with. Each doctor has their own style of doing things - interviewing patients, talking with families, charting and looking things up can all be done a variety of ways, and who I am working with shapes my answers; I have to learn to anticipate what they will ask of me and then figure out what that doctor would do or say. What they would do or say is often the "right" answer, and if I suggest something else then I often have to endure listening to a long explanation as to why what I said isn't right and how they would do something else, yadda yadda. It can be exhausting.

I learn best when I have time to observe how to do something or see an example of what is expected of me - which isn't how many of my classmates approach new situations. When I "hang back" and take in what is going on around me I'm often perceived as being hesitant, unknowing and not confident. This can frustrate some of the doctors who expect me to jump in with both feet - but with time I am (most of the time) able to show them that I do know what I am doing by going above and beyond what they expect of me. Try as I may, I just can't be "type A" enough to please those who expect it, and when pimp'd I simply find myself unable to think, let alone able to answer the questions they are asking of me. This has made for quite a long year, and I am tired. We don't have a spring break, and aside from the occasional "Federal holiday" we're in the hospitals and clinics five (or more) days a week for a year. (two weeks of "winter break" went by all too fast.)

At one point last week the idea of "taking some time off" was floated, and my reaction was to say no. One of my goals for my medical education has always been to be done in four years. I've watched as some of my classmates took time off for various things - to have a baby, to spend time with family who needed them, to repeat classes - and each time I consider myself lucky to be where I am. That being said, the notion of taking time off has come up a few times since then, and I might need to think about what my life would look like if I did. I still don't want to - and I'm fairly adamant that I want to graduate on June 2, 2007, but I'm hearing the idea from more then one person, and each time someone mentions it I realize I should think about it.

I've been trying to get my fourth year rotations to line up, and all that has come out of it is frustration. My initial hope to get to the West coast had to be abandoned once I realized my car just can't get there from here. I'm also not sure I'd be happy roaming around the country for 10 months on my own. I am happy to be left to my own devices, but being that far away from my friends and family (in essentially new/unknown situations that change each four weeks) sounded overwhelming when I really thought about it. (I also didn't have a whole lot of luck trying to set up rotations out there and I don't have the energy it takes to stay on top of forms/emails/applications and fees/etc to get things to line up with my schedule and requirements.)

Of course, now I'm not having a whole lot of luck with forms/emails/applications and such for trying to get rotations set up here in the northeast, so I've backed off a bit. I told someone this week that trying to find small "community" type hospitals willing to take on fourth year medical students and medical doctors who are good people (believe it or not, they don't have signs on their heads that read "good doctor") is difficult. If I'm going to do my fourth year all at once (the plan at this point in time) then I hope to enjoy it. Which means trying to get things to line up with good people. And housing. (another hurdle...another reason to not think about it for another few days.)

Tired. Heavens I'm tired. (is that a sign that I'm getting strep throat?)

yet another example of why I love my family....

2006-03-29T22:31:00.000-05:00

I occasionally use my parent's address for packages sent through the mail, and my most recent order of board review books and a few just-released knitting titles are waiting for me at their house. Tonight this arrived in my email....

"Dear Ms. MedStudent,
This is the L.Central Bookstore notifying you that your books are in.
They are available for pick up any time after 5:00 on Thursday, at which time a roast chicken
dinner will be served at the bookstore. This is a service provided for our most valued
customers.
Have a nice day,
LCB Proprietor"

A home-cooked meal and knowing that my books are safe? I'm lucky.

The sockapaloooza socks have been restarted and are well underway. Does anyone know how Lorna's Laces socks wash (machine washing) if a lace pattern is used...? My pal wants a pair that are easy to care for, and tonight it occurred to me that the lace might not wash well.

(I am house-sitting with the fattest and cuddliest cat I've yet to take care of. She's the black and white one that I posted below and she hates that I knit; she takes it personally that my hands are doing something other then scratching her head. In order to be a step above the needles she joins me on my lap and works her way up my chest, progressively, so that it's nearly impossible for me to use my arms. If it weren't so cute it'd be annoying. Eventually she gives up and goes away, but she's persistent enough to have tried four times this evening, all during one Law&Order episode. I gave in. Now that I'm not knitting, she has no real interest in me. She'll find me tonight once all of the lights are out and I'm safely snuggled into bed - somehow she knows how to determine the moment when I've just fallen asleep because that's when she'll show up to cuddle in with me. Having to get out of bed before her in the morning is awful, and more than once I've woken her up and shooed her out of bed. If I have to be up, I figure she does too.)

(I have much more to ramble about (in the areas of knitting, medicine and the ever popular "life in general") but no time. Pediatrics has started. I have to be at the hospital by 7am. (Which, incidentally, after the time change this weekend will feel like 6am...I am not excited about next Monday morning.) I have been falling asleep well before my usual bedtime, and the alarm goes off way too early. Rambling will happen at some point in the future.)

a virtual parade of some finished things....

2006-03-19T23:56:00.000-05:00

one completed scarf , a belated gift to my brother, who was still able to use it this ski season....

two completed koigu socks for my mom (happy belated birthday mom!); they were my first pair with koigu (and won't be my last) and first pair with a picot edge (ditto!). I am still not sure why the leftovers are different sizes - is there a variance in koigu skeins?

my sockapaloooza sock....

......is waiting for a trip to the frog pond. (there's a hole that doesn't belong at the join of the needles...) As much as I like this pattern, I'm not sure I like it with this yarn. Another attempt is in the works.

this is a picture that I took on New Year's Eve, when I dyed.....

this attempt at self strip'ing yarn.

Last month a different cat (and dog, from a different house-sitting adventure) helped me finish the first sock,

so it seems only fitting that tonight, when I finished the second sock, I was in (another) different house, with a (yet another) different cat.

knitting socks is tiring. (there are numerous other socks on the needles, and additional pictures will be taken (attempted) with the cats I'm caring for this week. Between the three houses I'm checking in on, there are six cats to knit with. (Everything else is still falling into place (or not) and life is still crazy. This is my last week of psych - next week starts my pediatric rotation.)

another form of inventory....

2006-03-07T19:38:00.000-05:00

first up, I think I've finally found a yarn worthy of being my SockapalOOOza Pal's sock yarn. I have been looking for just the right yarn, and though this isn't *exactly* what I've had it mind, I think it'll work. I'm keeping my eyes out for yarn that could be more perfect and will either make another pair or send along the yarn. The pattern will be something with lace - I have a few contenders and will decide for sure when I cast on for them tomorrow.

I was hoping to show you a picture of a pair of finished koigu socks for my mom and a completed scarf for my brother. They are still on their respective needles, much to my dismay. Both are almost done and just need a few more rows to be complete - then I'll weave in the ends and pass them along.

The striped sweater?

it's in a pile, waiting it's turn.

I am somewhat afraid of it. Soon, I will get over this. Soon.

Til then, enjoy some pictures of what hides in my pantry. After yarn was declared "not fit for household decoration" by the crazy housekeeper I hid it all away, in various places. SockapalOOOza yarn searching led me to dig all of it up, and before I knew it the place of choice for putting it was in amoungst the boxes of my food in the cabinet.

I wish I was kidding.

what I look at when I get hungry (ie, my pantry space). Is a sock yarn diet going to help me loose weight?

the bottom shelf - most of it hides in a box. It hides because rediscovering it is a simple joy.

yarn hanging out on the other side of the counter - this is the current yarn in view. It rotates. I'm not afraid to admit that I'm a dork. Try me. (I'm a dork.)

the thing is, these (for example)?
they're one skein wonders that lept out of a bargin bin at a yarn store or ebay lot or were added to an online order because I wanted free shipping. They'll each make a pair of socks. (proven last year)

Most of what is hiding is a formerly homeless single skeins of sock yarn. I'm resisiting the urge to open up my home to wandering balls of yarn that are looking for a warm pantry to hang out in. It might make the other 50+ pairs of potential socks jealous.

That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.

(life behind the scenes and my rotations are Overwelming right now; I'm going to dig into knitting and stick it out - see you on the other side.)

taking inventory....

2006-03-04T15:23:00.000-05:00

Now that spring is set to start in three weeks, winter has decided to kick into gear. (Lovely.)
The morning temps have been single digits (F) and I've been bundling up. The gear?

Coat for keeping my torso warm, a hat for my head and ears, scarf for my neck and socks for keeping my feet warm. (the hat? it's fabulously warm. Thank you for all of the kind words about it!)

Mittens?

They've seen better days. They are the same ones that I made last year - a collection of firsts. The yarn is the first yarn I dyed (think drink mix) and they were the first pair of mittens I knit. The cuffs have never been long enough, the seam rubs and they are pilling and felted in spots.

I think it's time for a new pair.

new mittens are in the works; right now I'm in the "where'd that ball of yarn that might be a perfect match for that other missing color (where is *that* ball?)" stage. The stranded mitten that I thought I'd frogged (due to size - it's too small...but might grow with blocking?) never made it to the pond. Keep knitting? frog? I was making it up as I went along, so it wouldn't be hard to start over.

I also dug up all of the projects that have been haunting me.

This crazy attempt at a striped sweater that has been a wonderful learning experience? I finally took it into the yarn store today and got some help and advice- it should be finished by the end of this weekend. (the other items on the "to be done by the end of this weekend" list are my brother's Christmas scarf (he's skiing tomorrow - that should be done by tonight) and the koigu socks for my mom.)

It was a rough week, for many many reasons, and I'm enjoying being at home with a cup of tea and my knitting. Normally I shy away from "to do" lists, but now it's giving me something to focus on. I think the Olympic challenge changed my look on deadlines because I'd usually throw the unfinished things back onto the pile and keep knitting new things. Now I feel like I need to tie up the loose ends (or weave them in?) before I can dig into a new project (new sweater or revisit sleeves of Rogue?) and think about what is next.

Socks, of course, don't count. [Sock yarn however, does. When I took to hiding it with my food in the pantry, I realized there was a problem. I do not need to buy any more sock yarn.]

done! done! done!

2006-02-26T13:30:00.000-05:00

My needles have been a flurry of activity and yesterday I cast off with a completed hat. At the time, there was no way it'd fit on my head and I was fairly certain that I'd just finished a hat for my donation pile.

Then I blocked it.

( 18 degrees F and the wind is blowing...)

.....and it fits. It even fits over the hair "bump."

on the "sun porch" (it's screened in (read: snow blows onto the porch) and cold out there!)

To say that I'm excited is an understatement. The cotton liner has been sewn down and the only things left to do are figure out the "twisty" thing that is made up of the extra yarn AND go back and pull a few of the strands a bit tighter. The stitches evened out with the blocking (I used a peanut butter jar wrapped in some extra fleece fabric and a plastic shopping bag) but there is a looseness/ladder'ness where the needles joined.

If that knocks me down to silver or bronze it's okay.

It's done. And it fits.

(edited to add project specs)
Pattern: The "Kristen" Hat Kit from Bea Ellis Knits
I'd order from them again in a heartbeat and highly reccomend their website!
needles: dpn size us3 for the liner, dpn us5 for the hat
started and finished during the Olympics; I could probably have knit the whole hat during a weekend, but being tied down to a chart pattern meant it took a bit longer.

An Olympic Decision....

2006-02-23T20:06:00.000-05:00

This hat has been nothing short of an adventure (of international proportions?)....

- The dark blue cotton liner took many tries because traveling with the slippery yarn often meant lots of dropped stitches.
- Initially, when I saw the pattern, I liked the idea of light colored snowflakes. (this idea was echoed by others who said that's what they'd do too) My plan was to reverse the colors but the pattern chart used a dark blue and white color and in my tired-after-a-day-at-the-hospital stupor I simply followed the chart (meaning dark colored snowflakes, a light colored background). I noticed what I was doing several rows into the chart, so I ripped it out and vowed to re-start the chart with the reverse yarn colors.

The same thing happened - I found myself blindly following the chart. (The picture is the hat in question, a single repeat away from completion.)

- (already mentioned was the pattern misplacement that almost disqualified me)

- the latest problem? it's too small for me. And the stranded knitting looks like a beginner's attempt. Which is fair because I am, essentially, a beginner, but that's not the look I'm going for. Once I had time to sit down and knit for awhile uninterrupted the stitches became even and the tension was less wonky. Blocking might help even out the tension, but I don't think it can make it big enough to fit my head.

I've mentioned this to a few people and come up with my options for this project. [It is my Olympic project, and right now it meets all of the criteria for personal challenge in the time allotted. I could continue to balance the timing of the Olympics with the finished project....]

1.Continue as I am, with this needle size and yarn and end with a hat that is child-sized and could be donate'able.
2. Rip it out, possibly find a new color of Heilo that will provide more of a contrast (cream? yellow? light green?) and start over with larger needles and a commitment to sit and knit for long stretches at a time. (possibly finishing the whole hat in time for the closing ceremony.)
3. Put the whole project aside and knit socks.

(the hat with an almost finished sock (koigu kpppm color P122; picot edge with a heel flap - it's a mere five rounds from being finished but I had to get the picture when I could (read roommates not seeing me take pictures of not-finished-yet-knitting. They support my "hobby" but don't need another reason to think I'm crazy.) and the hat. The dark blue is the cotton liner that will be flipped up to the inside in the finished hat.)

Whatever I do, I need to decide fast if I think I can get this done by Sunday.

happiness is.....

2006-02-20T20:57:00.000-05:00

- the blast of hot air that greets me when I walk into the grocery store
- watching olympic curling
- my new Three Dog Designs Knitting bag (pictures once I can get them to come out)
- this view from my lap on Saturday at SPA

(the people that pair up with the wheels were all enjoying lunch)
- the post holiday candy sales

- one of the cats I sat on this weeked, trying to distract me from my knitting
- having today off and being able to sleep in and take a nap (so far so good at attempting to keep the cold at bay)
- that when my brakes needed replacing this week (grinding = bad, very very bad) I didn't need to be towed (again)

(picture from the last time I was towed)
- Jocele's Knitting on Call blog

My knitting olympics hat (scroll down to the "Kristen" hat) slowly grew this weekend and I was able to work on it while in the midst of other members of Team Boston on Saturday. All was going well until I got home and realized that my pattern hadn't made the return trip with me! Thoughts of disqualification due to pattern misplacement crossed my mind and I briefly considered trying to wing the two stranded design if needed. Jackie saved the day when she emailed me to let me know that she'd found it, and today while at work scanned in the pattern so I could keep working on it. I feel like this hat has been a comedy of errors but I do hope to get it finished within the next six days....(five now that today is almost over, eh?)

My first week of my psych rotation is done. At the end of day #1 I was pretty sure I didn't want to be a psychiatrist when I grow up. After three full days I was 100% certain I didn't want to do pscyh full time. By the close of Friday (day #5) I was just grateful to be able to take a break from the locked hospital unit for the three day holiday weekend. The patients aren't all awful, and I'm lucky that they aren't openly violent (which is what Mia is finding on her psych rotation) but the days are long and the situations are all new to me.

The despair, frustration, dellusions and/or racing thoughts that patients experience are mindboggling for me, and the corrective pharmacology could keep me reading chapters and articles each night for the next several weeks. We aren't sure how some of these drugs work, but the effects they can have on patients and their thoughts is nothing short of amazing - when they work.

Liz was the person who came closest to guessing how many socks I could make with my current sock yarn stash, but no one was actually near the correct number. Digging out all of the yarn was nothing short of a bit embarrassing and it's time for me to go through all of what I have an sort out what I will actually use in the next year or so. I am not yet sure what will happen to the yarn that I'm not in love with anymore, but there's a chance that it'll show up here - either for sale or for free/price of shipping. For now, I'm done buying sock yarn; the theory that it doesn't count anymore doesn't apply to this needs'to'move'again'this summer and just'replaced'very'expensive'brakes student!

happiness is.....

2006-02-12T20:15:00.000-05:00

- brunch with my parents and my mom wearing the pair of socks I made her AND the (one successful) sweater I made
- hot black coffee
- having a driveway, and thus not having to move my car for a parking ban (I’ll leave out that we can’t use the garage, even though it is *rightthere*) and my favorite bestest snow scraper ever (my foot included for scale)

- seeing the first Estonian woman win a gold medal (in the history of the winter olympics; she won in the Woman’s Pursuit Cross Country Ski race…it makes me want to knit Estonian mittens.)
-sock yarns that I dyed earlier cooling in the sink (the pinkish hank is a mish-mash of all of the old dyes I wanted to use up. Now I can mix up new colors and not feel bad about it…)

- having a great last week in my oncology rotation (what I learned will follow this week)
- taking stock in all of my sock yarn
- being almost done with the inner section of my olympic knitting hat

My mom’s birthday was this weekend and I did the best I could to get the pairs of socks I had started for her finished…but no such luck. The striped one is finished, but too small and will need to be reknit. The koigu sock is a current work in progress (and part of why I’ve been on the hunt for shorter size US1/2.5mm). My mom asked if I knew someone who had smaller feet and said that I should finish the pair and pass them along, but I bought the yarn specifically for her, so instead I’ll rip it out and start over. It shouldn’t take too long to get a pair finished, but my needles are busy with other things, so it might be a little while. (her last pair of birthday socks were, ummm, finished in…July? August? I promise it won’t be that long this year…)

one is too small, the other isn't finished....

My sockapalOOOza pal asked for yarn that could be machine washable and she likes greens, possibly mixed with other colors. I think I’ve found some yarn that fits the bill, but first I need to check a few more places. These socks will probably be my first pair of “lace” socks, and I hope to start them by March 1st.

My olympic knitting got off to a good start – working with the cotton for the inside lining has required my complete attention because the yarn is slippery and easy to drop. I hope to finish the last half inch of the lining tonight, and then I can set up the start of the wool fair isle sections so it’s ready to work on when I get home tomorrow. (and once I figure typepad out I'll post a picture over on the group page)

I love watching the Olympics – ski jumping is on, and they make it look easy. In fact, everything I’ve seen today looks easy. Speed skating? I could do that. (nevermind that I’ve never been able to skate, even with hockey skates on.) Ski jumping? Sure! Especially if I get to wear a sleek silver suit. I’ll save luge’ing for the professionals but might consider bobsledding (later this week?). Even the cross country skiing has me wishing I had time and energy (and skis) to go out and enjoy the newly fallen snow. (the ever-chattering announcers are beginning to grate on me though…good thing for the mute button.)

Tomorrow I start my next rotation: six weeks of psychiatry. It has the potential to be another long six weeks, but with any luck time will start to pick up and it’ll be over before I know it. It’s not that I don’t think it will be interesting – I’m sure I’ll see and hear things that I couldn’t possible imagine seeing or hearing; instead I worry that it will drain me dry. Classmates of mine who have completed this rotation warned me that it can be emotionally zapping and exhausting. I’m going into it aware of that, and if they give me an afternoon “off” then I’ll be sure to take it (and then I’ll go somewhere unexpected and get out of my head). There will be a few different cat-sitting opportunies during this rotation and I think time with a cat or two will be good therapy.

I dug out all of my sock yarn and was surprised as it piled onto the kitchen counter in front of me. I have a lot of possible socks in my future. A Lot. I’d love to give some if it away, but I knit two socks out of one ball or skein, and after looking at all of it, there are only a few that I’d pass along to other people because it no longer strikes me. Much of it is bargin bin yarn, and some is from my summer travels and all of it will, someday, be great socks.

That said, how many socks do you think I can knit, including the ones that are “in progress” right now? If you’d like to wager a guess please email me at medstudentwhoknits at yahoo com. (fill in the blanks/obvious) If you are closest, without going over, then I’ll mail you some yarn!

The options include Lorna’s Laces “baby stripe” (see above - blue/pink) or yarn that I’ll dye for you. If there’s a tie then I’ll dye yarn for all who guessed correctly. Note: if you win you will have to promise not to devulge how many socks can come from my sock yarn stash.

The guidelines…please email me the guesses by Saturday Feb 18th at noon, EST. I have skeins that are large enough for two socks (trekking xxl for example) and so that counts as two socks. I also have skeins that are “singles” (think one hank of a colorway of Lorna’s laces or a single Regia hank) but I’ll use for a complete pair so it counts as two socks. I have a few hanks that I have two of, and in that case the pair of hanks counts as a pair of socks. (for instance, there are two of the baby stripe hanks, so that’d be a single pair of socks instead of two pair.) I won’t count the baby stripe yarn, or any of my white-to-be-dyed-later yarn.

Goo? goul? goal?

2006-02-09T19:18:00.000-05:00

as a child on the elementary school plaground, I was often caught up in the ages-old game of "Tag." Sometimes it went by the name "chase," but that depended on who was running after you. The teachers standing guard over us often said, in a very solemn and somewhat tired voice, "if you don't run, they can't chase you" when we'd run by them screaming "help us! they're after us!"

I don't remember ever winning the game of "Chase" but I do remember us trying to designate the safe "can't touch us when we're standing here" always-popular "goo." Sometimes it was the "goul(e?)" and at one point a teacher called it the "goal" and we all made fun of her for such a funny name. This sacred piece of the playground was where we'd stand around, waiting for the best time to let go, run around and then race back to put our hand or foot into the safe zone. I think it was fun. (fun when I wasn't the "it" person, that is. I grew tall and gangly well before other kids and that made for awkard running and lots of "c'mon guys, let go of the goo!" demands.)

So which is it? goo? goul(e?) or goal? I don't think I'm remembering it wrong, but I'm curious what you used to call it. I never though the game of Tag would reappear 20 years later, in a new form. (I am choosing to forget the years I spent overseeing lots of variations on the theme of tag: rush hour tag, freeze tag, blob tag, etc.) So yes, I was tagged. Answers are below....

On Sock Knitting Needles:
I love Inox 6in double pointed needles. The size US2's I have are my favorite needles - smooth, pointy enough without hurting my finger, and quick (for me). The six inch length is perfect for knitting under the table during lunch lectures and they are inexpensive enough that I can pick up a set every now and then and always find 4 or 5 needles to start a sock. But they, as some of your mentioned, only come in US 0's and 2's. (2mm and 2.5 mm - I will work on learning them in mm's...)

I have a set of Susan Bates 7" size 2.25, but that extra inch is enough to hit the underside of the table when I knit at lunch - and often I stop knitting because the sound of the metal needle hitting the table is enough to annoy the people around me. They are smooth and okay as far as pointy'ness goes. The price isn't too bad either for 4 needles, but it is nice to get five in a set because then I can use 4 OR 5 and have an extra needle (if needed).

Bamboo/Wood: I love them, but they are much more expensive and not as great for throwing into my medical book bag because they are more apt to break. Just last week Theresa had a Lantern Moon needle break, and I had a moment of silence for the poor thing. (to say that I'm rough on needles is an understatement: my metal needles often poke through the double layer of fabric of my bag. I fear that the wood/bamboo would break or shatter under the pressure.)

I'm going to look into the 5" options, and might have to turn to the internet for some answers. With any luck I'll have some size US 1's/2.25mm needles that won't hit the underside of the table soon....

Thanks to Danielle (and everyone else who shared pictures of their koigu objects - I'm slowly making my way around to your blogs), now I understand how koigu "works." Right now it's striping in a somewhat predictable way, which isn't what I thought would happen.

It used to be that I knit tight and had to increase my needle size; another year of medical school under my belt and now I'm knitting loose and have to decrease my needle size. (this situation is flipped from just last fall, so I don't think it'll last forever...) This means that a koigu sock knit up on size US2/2.5mm feels too loose, and the stitches have too much air between them. Dropping down to a US 1 creates a fabric that is more sock-like, but can almost be too thick and warm for everyday wear. (my defalt sock is 56 on a 2 or 70 on a 1 [which is what the koigu sock is]) I love knitting socks, but perhaps it's time for me to fool around with needles sizes and stitch counts.

Fooling around with yarn weights and patterns and needle sizes is going to come in handy - I have a special sock swap in the works (and will be dyeing yarn this weekend) and I'm still planning out my sockapalOOOza pal's socks. Between those and finishing up a few pairs for me, I'll keep my sock needles (whatever size they are...) busy.

The Knitting Olympics starts tomorrow, but I won't be one of the many casting on at 2pm. It's the last day of my hemeatology/oncology rotation and there is paperwork to do and a long day planned. With any luck I'll be able to get home and work on the cotton hat lining (simple knitting because it's knit in the round) without making any hasty mistakes. I hope to start on the fair isle section on Saturday, but I make no promises...

Pictures: are coming. Setting up the camera and cables isn't practical right now. This weekend.

_________________________

and now, what I'll call "what happens when three people tag me and I pick and choose the questions I want to answer two memes just smooshed into each other with some other randomness thrown in and this is the result."

what I was doing a year ago?
- thinking about how great this year in the hospitals would be while I made it through the rest of the year of lectures and book studying
- considering starting to study for the boards (had I known how that turned out, would I have put more or less energy into that?)
- knitting socks (I think?)
- living in my now-very-much-missed (favorite) apartment

Four jobs you've had in your life:
- lifeguard and swim instructor (I'm no longer certified, but still have the swimmer shoulders)
- casual carrier for the postal service (I had the best tan lines that summer)
- chemistry and biology lab TA/lab instructor and, later, a year spent as a substitute teacher (grades k-12, but with many, many days spent at the middle school level because I wasn't afraid of them and they did their work and mostly behaved while I was there; it runs in my family.)
- babysitter/cat-dog/house sitter (going on 14+ years and no sign of stopping soon)

Four things that I want in my (eventual) future home:
- lots of windows that line up to let in lots of natural light
- many floors with an attic
- a claw foot tub
- wood floors
(extras would include radiators, kitchen island and more then one bathroom)

Four movies you could watch over and over again (and do):
- anything Cirque Du Soliel
- Sex and the City, Gilmore Girls, Faulty Towers (we have all seasons on DVD) and anything Monty Python (not (yet?) all owned)
- Winnie-the-Pooh
- What the (bleep) Do We Know?

Four places you've been on vacation:
- Las Vegas, NV
- Prince Edward Island, Canada
- Fort Myers Beach, FL
- San Salvador, Bahamas (does that crazy trip I took as a "tropical" biology class count? It wasn't very warm, the food and beds were awful but the trip solidified a few of my best friendships)

Four of your favorite foods:
- tomato soup with a whole wheat bread mozzeralla and fresh tomato grilled cheese sandwhich (bacon optional)
- homebaked english muffins toasted with butter and honey or homemade applebutter
- burgers cooked over a firey charcoal grill with in-season tomatoes and toasted bun
- chocolate malted milkshakes with fried mozzeralla sticks and raspberry sauce eatten with good friends at a local dive/diner

Four teams I was on in high school:
- swim team (not one of my varsity sports but I loved it)
- football cheerleading
- basketball cheerleading (both, I'm afraid, at the varsity level. We were actually quite athletic at the time and my height was handy for throwing people around in the air)
- the math team (I was more of a mascot and did better when I guessed (really - I guessed "4" at one point and it was the right answer. A guess! but again, I loved streching my brain with mindboggling math problems, even if I never got them right.)

Four things I'd do if money were no object:
- travel to Ireland (and never come home again?)
- bid on a Starmore book on Ebay, and then all the yarn it takes to whip up her sweaters
- buy all of the books I read and loved as a child (that are no longer in print)
- take my car in and replace/repair all of the things that need replacing/repairing

no one (I think?) is left to tag, but really...is it goo? goule?

Things I would write about, if I had time.

2006-02-07T20:50:00.000-05:00

(Life has gotten very busy. Very, very busy. I'm not sure if I'm excited about all of the busy'ness, but I don't really have a choice in the matter. Trying to get things to line up, even out and knit up is taking longer then I thought it would.)

- does a metal six inch long size US 1.0 sock needle exist? if so, where can I find a set (or two, or three?)

- does all koigu stripe? or is it possible to get some that varigates? if yours varigated, what size needle and how many stitches did you use?

- how much I loved wearing my purple trekking socks today, even though I didn't weave in the last yarn end.

- the things I've seen and learned in this (last week) of my oncology rotation

- two people tagging me in a 24 hour time period, and the result of mixing the two tagged'able memes into one

- how nice it is to have my car (in (knock on wood) good working condition) again and how the decisions I'm trying to make about where I'm going to be next year all revolve around how I'm not sure I can get my car to the west coast (and back again....). Feel free to suggest medical centers (that are visiting med student friendly) in areas with lots of public transportation (or cheap car rentals), near a fairly large and easy to fly into airport AND potential housing (lots of sublets, people who are willing to rent me a room for a month or another random possibility you know of....). Figuring all of this out has been giving me a whole new bunch of grey hairs.

- how my Olympic Knitting will shape up, and the debate I keep having about swatching/not-swatching. I joined Team Boston and will do my darndest to get the "Kristen" hat finished in the 16 days.

- how there are other knitting med student/resident/doctor blogs that I've found but never get around to linking to

- There are many other random things that have crossed my mind, but I haven't had time to put it out there. For now, I've got to put my head down and focus on the myriad of things that keep coming up. Pictures and a more indepth knitting update to happen later this week or weekend.

Stay warm!

happiness is...

2006-01-29T13:42:00.000-05:00

- peanut butter on rawhide (a treat that keeps the dogs busy for a good half hour)
- sleeping on the couch so the early morning trip to the door is less dangerous. (the combination of the 4:30am wake up from the dogs and attempting steep farmhouse stairs at that hour is not a good one)
- my car being safely parked at the repair place after a tow truck trip yesterday
- having bought a set of sock needles earlier in the day and having sock yarn with me yesterday (the result was a few inches knit while waiting for said truck and while taking the 45 minute drive back to the repair place.)
- the people of this house leaving me the keys to their car "just in case" something happened
- plans to catsit for someone else the entire month of March (I can leave yarn wherever I want during that time)
- a cup of hot English Breakfast Tea and peanut m&m's for breakfast
- hoping that this week will be better then the last one.

All in all, this hasn't been the best week.

I had car problems on Monday (thankfully after returning home safely from the great Boston area!) and after some finagling borrowed one of my parents cars so I could get to the hospital to work on Tuesday while my car was being worked on. What we thought was an alternator problem ($$$$) wound up being a simple "regulator" problem ($$). That fixed I headed on my way without any problems.... until yesterday. After a lovely day on the coast with a friend of mine, my car pulled something that it hasn't done in over a year. It'd start, but not go anywhere because the traction control system was screwed up. The problem came out of the blue and without warning, so I could only call a tow truck and wait and knit. The two fixes are unrelated, and my fingers are crossed that I am lucky and this repair is another of the ($$) sort. My fixed income (student living expenses don't take into account that we're driving 1992 cars) has taken a hit and there's no telling what else might happen...

The dogs I'm taking care of are great animals but they are used to a different (much earlier start in the morning) schedule. One is younger than the other and still has a bit of puppy playfulness. It is great to watch and play with while the older, gentler dog is patient and willing to wait a short bit for his turn to be fed and petted. Together they keep me on my toes. The cats aren't used to having so many knitted things to play with and it seems to me they are more adventurous now - I can't leave things sitting out or they'll be covered with fur and stitches risk being dropped off the needles.

That being said, I'm still knitting. The Rogue sleeve has been ripped and I'm going to take a few hours out of this afternoon to try doing both at the same time again. I had used circular needles before, and my hate for circulars (unless I'm knitting something in the round) is going to have to take the blame for my previous tangles. I'm going to cast on again with some classic metal straights (cringe away - I think you're in good company) and see if I can't get the cabled section done in one sitting. I learned to knit on metal straights and think it could be the key to success.

The housekeeper/student housing "expectations" meeting (last week) was an awful time reminiscent of being hauled into the principals office for something I didn't do. I could go into great detail about the encounter, but doing so would lead my blood pressure to creep into the unhealthy range, so instead let me sum it up by saying that I have no business having yarn and other "craft" things out in the house because it's breaking the contract. (the contract that simply says we will keep the common areas clean....) The woman accusing me of things stood up for the crazy housekeeper and then asked me "when I had time to craft?" if I was such a busy person (inferring that I left yarn out because I was too busy to put it away somewhere) and scoffed at the idea that I could knit and read at the same time. (If only she knew how much yarn I have tucked away in my room...) Being somewhere else for the month of March is going to be a breath of fresh air.

I've also been dabbling on the other side of the medical fence and had to spend some time on the patient side of things this week. I'm going to be intentionally vague and appreciate your understanding - I'm okay, and will be fine. Some results of medical tests came back a bit abnormal and the plan of action for what is next involves more medical appointments and a few more tests.

It's hard to be a patient. It's hard to have access to the medical journals and references that spell out, in great detail, rare diseases and obscure findings. Nothing of that sort is going on, but while waiting for results every possibility ran through my mind. Medical students are notorious for self diagnosing and having whatever it is we're studying at the time, and talking about it with other medical students simply invites even more awful sounding diagnosis. As much as I like and trust my doctor, I, believe it or not, hate being a patient and would much rather avoid seeking out care until I need it. I hate taking medications, and hate dealing with appointment schedulers and the health insurance ($$$) people. It's been a good lesson in what the people I see everyday have to go through and is one that I am not likely to forget anytime soon.

my plan? keep knitting.

Rogue and I, Round #4

2006-01-26T07:16:00.000-05:00

Dear Theresa and PumpkinMama,

I know I said I was going to knit Rogue and you both said "me too!" and I was glad to have company in this sweater-making-thingamajig and hoped that I'd be able to keep up.

The truth? I need a remedial rogue group. This is attempt #3 (of a single sleeve; I'm going to skip right over the 2-3 attempts of doing both sleeves at once) and it's not going so well.

Evidence of this? I warn you that it isn't pretty....

See that not right area at the top of the cable? Something went wrong, and though I usually can look past such mistakes and keep going, this time I can't.

(bad picture of color, not great picture of cable, not bad picture of the cable mistake mess.) (and after looking at pictures of their finished sleeves, something doesn't look right with my purl row as the cable border.....)

frogging said mess - actually, make it Mess (with a capital M). Those yarn pieces are all interwoven and tangled from being cabled together.

really, how does this happen? (once, I can understand, but twice?) It's a wonderful pattern that everyone else has had great luck understanding. I'm going to blame in on trying to work on this after a long day at the hospital when I'm not at my best. (The EtherKnitter can attest to this as well....)

attempting to pick up stitches - notice the huge gaping spaces between stitches. They're too big, and what I got out of it didn't look right. (The cables were fixed but the gauge was waaaay off.)

I'd take a picture of it now, but it's going to be re-ripped when I get home later tonight. I finally got the cabled mess figured out but grabbed the wrong needles to get it going again and there is an obvious change in my gauge. I could leave it and see if it blocks out; I could rip out the whole thing and start over but at this point I feel a bit of emotional attachment to this silly piece of cloth.

I'm dogsitting for the next 10 days and won't have access to my computer to put pictures up, but with any luck I'll be done with both sleeves by then. I'll keep you updated.

(I will finish it; I will continue to work on it, I will continue to be in awe of both of the red rogues in progress. If I suddenly give up with the green and buy red yarn to try it again it won't be a conincidence.)

happiness is...

2006-01-22T23:42:00.000-05:00

- the sun, shining all afternoon
- hitting 178,000 miles in my car
- Trader Joe’s salmon in the freezer and dried fruit in the pantry
- a fiber and yarn event at Claudia’s this afternoon

(at this point I’ll have to invite you to head around the web to see pictures – my camera spent the afternoon on my kitchen counter, right where I’d left it so I wouldn’t forget it…)

The gathering this afternoon was unlike anything I’ve ever seen before; the sheer number of cars parked gave me an indication that this was big, but I didn’t expect to hear the laughter and chatting outside from down the street.

I met up with people I’d seen before (I can't even begin to link to all of the knitters that were there), saw several new faces, collected a few new blogs to look up and knit a bit on a new sock. Many of the people there have hundreds of readers, have invented patterns and invoke some sort of “ohmyit’s__fill in blank with your name here___” dumbstruck reaction from me, but my fear of large groups of unkown’ish faces is fading the more people I meet. I had a wonderful time listening to the discussions happening around me - sock heel preferences, swatch-gazing, spindle teaching, and saw several new patterns that I might invest in at some point in time. There was also plenty of food – everything from appetizers to desserts and everything in between!

I brought a dish that my mom and I love, and will make for almost any occasion. I’m a child of the pot-luck era, and know better then to hold back on a recipe when people ask for it….

Carrot Soufflé / Carrot Custard
(when it’s warm it poufs up like a soufflé; when chilled it takes on a more custard texture; we use olive oil and honey instead of the butter and sugar)

1 lb carrots, cooked and drained
3 eggs
1/3 cup sugar (or honey)
1 tsp vanilla
1 tsp baking powder
½ cup melted butter (or olive oil)
1 Tsp flour
dash of nutmeg and cinnamon (I used a bit more then a dash)

Put all of the above ingredients in blender or food processor. Puree until smooth. Pour into greased dish, top with the following:

½ cup cracker crumbs (any type of cracker works)
2 Tsp melted butter (or olive oil)
3 Tsp brown sugar
¼ cup chopped nuts (or more – we use pecans but any nut will work)

Mix together and sprinkle on top of the carrot mixture. Bake at 350 (or higher, depends on your oven) for an hour. (It's done when a knife inserted comes out clean.)

Today was productive in many ways. Not only did I get out of the house, I got out of my own way; something I’ve been trying to do for a long time. I had time to think as I drove today and when I wasn’t concentrating on where the cars around me might be going….

(Dear Greater Boston Area: I realize that speed limits, passing lanes and turn signals are simply suggestions to you, but could you please remember that though I can anticipate which direction they might dart to in their way too big cars, I only have a fifty/fifty chance of being right and my mind reading training isn’t finished yet. Perhaps next time I’ll do better with my guesses….)

….and I finally acknowledged that I do not like doing what I am doing on my current rotation. Up until now, I hadn’t given myself a chance to even consider that possibility. Was I worried about what other people thought about what I thought? Am I supposed to like it simply because the doctors I’m working with love oncology? Or is it that I am constantly hearing that I should specialize and that primary care is a bad choice? Some doctors seem to continually insist that I re-think what I might want to do; I realize that I shouldn’t put all of my eggs in one basket but these experiences are helping me to figure out both what I want to do AND what I don’t want to do. Right now I know that I like working with healthy people, I miss working with kids and really miss labor and delivery.

Right now I’m at the halfway point and after this week is finished I’m 2/3 of the way through this six week rotation. It feels like a loooong time, but with any luck time will start flying and it’ll be over before I can say “psychiatry is next.” I’ll keep on keeping on.

The debacle with the housecleaner will work itself out on Tuesday; it’s been a long time coming and I’m sick of feeling as though we’re being spied on by someone who can’t stand us. Chances are we’ll be told that I have to pack up my yarn and keep it out of sight, and we’ll be required to do a few other things that I find a bit absurd. Tomorrow my roommate (who returns to be with her husband on the weekends) and I plan to sit down and talk about what is next and how we’re going to approach this. Yes, it’s student housing, but we’re unsure of where the lines are and I don’t understand why they care how we live. I miss my apartment from last year, with the claw foot tub and park view…..

What I've learned so far in this rotation...

2006-01-19T21:06:00.000-05:00

This, as I've said before, has been a much different rotation then I've previously done. The patients are sicker than even the sickest patients I've seen before and the attitude toward death is strikingly different. We're all going to die. We might not all die of cancer, but we're all going to die at some point.

- False hope can be more devistating then the truth, especially if news is delivered as though the family knows the true extent of the situation. When this happens the family can feel as though they have a double blow to think through, and as though everything they'd been holding onto is wisked away in a few minutes.

- it is possible to have a "good" death.

- A "good" death means more to the family then it does to the patient.

- Guilt comes in all shapes and sizes, and can take on any form of emotion. It's important to remember this when talking with family members and patients. People who have no reason to feel guilty will.

- Some people gain years from cancer treatment, even if they will never be "cured." Some people decide that the treatments are not worth it and live what time they have left doing what they want intsead of spending hours in the clinic. Some try everything and die knowing that they gave it their all. There's no wrong way to do it if it's what the person wants to do.

- people with cancer die from non-cancer related things such as heart attacks and accidents.

- a spry looking 84 year old can make a very ill 60 year old look twice their age. The age a person is means nothing if it's not combined with their health and activity level.

- the drug plan "part D (The D must stand for "araagagagggDhrrrrgh")" has created more paperwork for doctors and more confusion for patients. It's a mess that is very unneccessary. (doctors are now filling out even more forms then before, and all of those forms take time away from patients even though patients can't get their medication without filling out the forms.) If you know someone who qualifies, please help them to figure out what is best for them. And know that if they don't sign up for drug coverage now, they'll pay a penalty for not signing up when they, eventually, do sign up.

- the cleaning lady for this student housing house will make our lives crazy. I'm not sure how this one is possible because her job is to simply, well, clean; but somehow she gets the office staff to page me with insignificant requests that don't make any sense and then she doesn't follow our polite written notes requesting something such as leaving a door between the mudroom and kitchen closed because otherwise the house gets cold. I have a feeling that my yarn, which meets the roommate's approval, is up on the chopping block next. The fact that she has never vaccumed the carpet shouldn't stand in the way of me leaving yarn out....should it?

- hopsital coffee is awful.

- people with cancer can still have senses of humor.

- I've made so many comments about patient's socks that one of the doctors finally asked what was "up" with all of my sock questions. I can't help that he sees more patients with handknit socks then the other doctors...but I will say that nothing gains a knitting patients respect then sharing the name of the local yarn store and then mentioning that they're having a 20% off sale right now AND they have a great selection of sock yarn. Even if they already know about the sale, they can appreciate that I'm a 20something who knits socks. (best pair yet was knit out of stripes of "leftover" scrap yarn and they matched exactly. Nothing like recognizing leftover koigu, regia and Lorna's laces all knit up into one pair of socks.)

- attempting cable work, even simple cables, is a bad idea after being in the hospital all day.

- some older men won't like that I'm a female med student. I may, or may not, be able to convinence them that I'm competent.

- (if I have to pack up all of my yarn simply because the cleaning lady says I have to I will not be happy. Not happy at all.)

- The unlabed mixed cds that I put in my car will be the best part of my drive to and from the hospital as I'm never quite sure what I'm going to hear from them.

happiness is.....

2006-01-15T22:41:00.000-05:00

- snow (after a day of torrential rain yesterday I'm glad to see the more solid version)
- a grande decaf non-fat cinnamon dolce latte from the cafe inside the local big box bookstore
- a new Grey's Anatomy (sidenote: where is my George? he seems like the perfect intern and I think we'd be good together....)
- lentil soup
- a trip to my local yarn store and having the owner greet me by name and ask how things are going

Cascade 220 in a heathered olive green color won in the swatch contest for Rogue.

This is attempt number (to be determined) of sleeve #1 for Rogue. There's a mistake that just occurred and I can't figure out how to fix it. Now isn't the best time for me to be working on it, so I'm putting it down for the night and will re-examine it tomorrow. (I thought I'd be slick and do both sleeves at the same time but that, er, was simply a mess. Instead of learning from my mistakes I attempted both again (and again) and wound up with wonky numbers that resulted in ripping and restarting. I have the first few inches of this pattern memorized and not a whole lot to show for it.)

this is what I got done last week though...(only thing keeping me from finishing it is that my chibi and needles are MIA...they are somewhere safe, of that I'm sure....).

some have SSS: second sock syndrome.
Me? I have SSWSS: should stick with socks syndrome.

My ribbed "no fail" pattern of socks fall into one of three categories:
1. the start of a sock, the cuff that can essentially go on forever and doesn't need any specific counting more past a 3/2 k/p or 4/2 k/p and can be done under a table during a meeting or lunch presentation.
2. the heel and gusset, which I can't do without looking and needs to be worked on when I'm not too tired and I like to get it all done at once.
3. The foot portion, which is similar to the cuff in that I can knit around and around and not worry, but more than once I've knit past where toe decreases should have started.

These categories help me to justify having more than one sock on the needles at all times, preferably one at each point because otherwise they all get stuck at the heel... and then I run out of needles. And at that point I find myself trying to come up with another simple sort of project to work on during the week, when in truth I should probably just buy more needles. I can only wear so many scarves, but socks? I could wear a new pair of handknit socks each day and be happier than happy.

The sock above is from the yarn I wound on New Years Eve; I was aiming for striping and it sorta stripes. The repeat is a bit shorter then I'd like, so next time the chairs need to be further apart so the colors are "thicker" in the sock.

I have been trying to figure out a good way to explain the service I'm on now and truthfully I'm at a loss for words. I'm doing a 6 week stint in heme/onc: hematology is the study of blood (anemias, and bone marrow diseases for example) and oncology is the field of medicine that focuses on cancer. Some of the patients that we are caring for in the hospital won't go home, and the process of dying has been a real education for me. The doctors I'm working with do not do pediatric care and seeing some of the patients I do is humbling; they've come to a point in their life where they can accept the cards they've been dealt and it's emotionally taxing on me. I am completely aware of my own mortality and am not afraid of my own death (that's something that I hear changes if/when I have kids of my own) but seeing patients hours before they die is hard. Seeing the families go through the process (potentially before they are ready) is hard.

This rotation is one that I set up with the hope that it'd help me learn more about cancer and see if doing a rotation at St. Jude's cancer research center would work for me. Right now I miss kids - they bring so much to a day - and the cure rates can vary from cancer to cancer and with age so some childhood cancers are more "curable."

As a result (of the early mornings, and experiences I'm having, and the grey days that make up the weekends and the clear days that I spend inside in the basement clinic (only to emerge after the sun has set)) I am tired. I know what signs to look for and am taking care of myself, but blogging will probably be hit or miss for a little while longer.

I hope those who are here in the northeast are able to enjoy the snow!

happiness is....

2006-01-09T00:03:00.000-05:00

- the sun warming up the garage door enough for it to defrost and unstick
- ruby red grapefruits
- my friend Katie saying "I'm not sure if the pattern is called 'My First Cabled Sweater' because it's for a 6 month old or because it's in a beginners knitting book."
- thinking I've finally gotten the right swatch for Rogue

The swatches and their respective yarns. (colors are a bit off because I'm relying on artificial light)
The sweater (folded in a tealy-green color) is one of my store-bought favorites and the Bartlett yarns (in a teal/blue color and a blue/purple color) are sitting on top. (I thought the color looked familiar...) I think I got the right gauge in this yarn, but I need to wait and see what it looks like when they're really dry. In the middle is an olive greenish cascade 220 and it was the most difficult to get the right stitch count. On the far left (sitting next to my new favorite face cloth from Theresa) is the icey purple Jo Sharp yarn. Getting gauge with this was a big stretch but I thought I'd try.

All in all, I can get 5 stitches to an inch with multiple needle sizes and multiple yarns - getting 4.5 was nearly impossible.

I know that swatches can lie and hemming and hawing about half a stitch per inch might not be a good use of time, but I really want to get this right. Tomorrow they will all be dry and I can measure them without bias (just picture me trying to force them into the sizes I want and then trying to feel the resulting fabric to see if it's sweater-able). I know blocking can help and that might ultimately be what I need to rely on. The bartlett is a thicker yarn and I thought it'd be easier to get the right gauge but even that swatch feels a little bit thin to me. The cascade is thinner but sleeker and softer, and though the "right" swatch feels thin to me, it might feel different when it's dry.

With any luck I'll have two sleeves on the needles tomorrow...

what is in my closet vs. what should be in my closet

2006-01-07T15:24:00.000-05:00

It's coooooold and clear here - seeing the sun is a welcome change from the gray days and I'm glad to be able to look out the windows and see a blue sky. My new "home base" for my current rotation is a clinic in the basement of the hospital; I can see the new morning light as I drive in at 7:30am and that's all I get because when I leave at 4:30-5pm the sun has all but left the sky. The lack of natural light has done a number on my sleep cycle and mood. Next week I hope to have some flexibility with where I eat lunch but this week I had to get into the swing of things and figure out my role as the student.

I've been thinking and re-thinking and over-thinking what I wear and what I think looks good on me. I've done what most recommended and dug through my closet to compare the store-bought sweaters to see how different styles look on me. I've also had to re-evaluate what I am comfortable in and if what I am comfortable in is what actually looks good on me.

what I own:
fitted cardigan with set in sleeves
pullovers with drop shoulders
button up shirts with major shaping (not a sweater, but it's another fit)
shirts/sweaters with:
-lengths that range from "top of hip" to "below hip" (nothing cropped, nothing to my knees)
-sleeves that are 3/4, the "right length, and "too long that need to be rolled up"
- necklines that include turtleneck, mock turtles, crew, boat, v-neck, collar and one with a hood

(I'd try and share pictures of what I'm talking about, but student housing is lacking a full length mirror, so in order to get a good picture of what I look like I often have to climb up onto the edge of the tub and bend and twist into various positions to see what I'm looking for. (yes, I know that "back of door" mirrors are not that expensive and easy to find and that I should probably buy one instead of continuing to risk falling off the tub ledge while trying to see if my shirt cuts me off at the waist, or makes me look too thick at the shoulders but that would require remembering what I need while I'm at a store and it's a little known fact that med students brains loose the ability to recall such information. I hear the ability to remember what I need without making a list (and then loosing the list and being unable to recall what was on the original list) returns - I'm looking forward to that.))

What I wear all the time without giving it a second thought, thus the things I am "most comfortable in":
-pullover sweaters that are boxy with crew necks or turtle necks and sleeves that are just right or too long and a length that falls just at my hip. To be honest, I have a lot of sweaters that fall into this category and they could be comfortable because I grew up with these
- cardigans of all types
- button ups with shaping for my days in the hospital

What looks absolutely awful on me:
- dropped shoulders (a closer-fitting sweater doesn't look as bad as one that is just too big all over)
- sleeves that are too long and rolled up
- sweaters that seem to cut my up across the middle - ie, ones that aren't "long enough" and don't fall below at least the start of my hip
- cardigans with buttons that look pulled or too tight when the sweater is buttoned up
- crew necks that are trying to be mock turtlenecks

What looks not so bad: (or What Looks Pretty Good)
- shaping and fitted things
- v-necks and collars that are "open" a bit (= top button or two undone...thus a, um, modified v-neck?)
- sweaters (cardigans) that fall well below my hip
- 3/4 sleeves and sleeves that are "just right"
- again, just because I need to make sure I get it, shaping and fitted things

I was surprised, but after thinking about it, I probably shouldn't have been.

I have broad shoulders (I had to buy a men's white coat because the women's versions just weren't comfortable and didn't fit when I moved my arms) and my years of swimming and lifeguarding didn't help. In order to get things that fit my shoulders I often had to settle for a boxy, all-over-big fit. Now, however, designers of my button up shirts figured out a way to cut a shirt so that it's fitted without making me feel as thought I'm all SHOULDERS. Set in sleeves don't drag my eye out and make me feel as though I'm a triangle just waiting to tip over the same way drop shoulders do. Raglan (there was only one poor example but I looked at the fit) looks okay, as long as the rest of it isn't too big (which was the case with my Noro sweater.) The Raglan looks very very long to me, but overall it's somewhat flattering.

The decent thing about having SHOULDERS is that it helps to balance out my HIPS. I've got a childbearing set that could allow a 10lber to slide right on through. Theoretically the top balances out the bottom, but not when either one appears too bulked down or baggy. Thus, no more baggy sweaters for me, even if *I'm* the one that made them. The weight I've gained (and am working on getting rid of) settles around my hips and thighs and I look better if a sweater/shirt hem hits fairly low down on my hip. I have a long torso (comparatively) and thus finding things to hit at this spot is a challenge - but now I know it's a challenge worth taking on.

The sweater I'm wearing today is my latest guilty pleasure (thank you LLBean) and is a simple yet incredibly soft set-in-sleeve crewneck version. I went with a large in order to get the length (and shoulder freedom) and it doesn't look as bad as other boxy-ish sweaters do. It could use a little more shaping, but this fit allows me to layer another (warm) shirt beneath it, and all in all I'm pleased when I look in the mirror. I'll use this to help me get future sweater measurements - that alone should justify the purchase...

Now the trouble is that I'll need to continue to feel comfortable in things that don't look great on me - it wasn't a problem last week because I didn't know any better. Amazing what a bit of knowledge can do for my wardrobe.

All that being said, someone was 100% dead on with a cardigan Rogue sounding like it'd fit me perfectly (forgive me for paraphrasing). What I used to love the look of (as in, sweaters that I've been waiting to cast-on for) isn't what actually looks good on me, and though it might take some work to find a compromise, I'm not going to think of this as pattern-limiting. Instead I need to look at what is out there and see what I can do to get it to fit me. (or just knit socks instead of sweaters - don't laugh because it's something I've given a lot of thought to...)

I've tried casting on for Rogue a few times, and each time something didn't work. Too many stitches, too few stitches, not a long enough tail, the wrong size needle - you name it, I've done it. Add in the exhaustion (both physically from being up at ungodly hours and emotionally from facing that cancer patients do die) and I decided to put it aside until this weekend. That means that tonight I'll sit down and try again - and then I'll be good to go.

(I need to swatch again before I finally cast on too, as my gauge while "on break" is considerably looser then my "in session" gauge.) This might correlate with my neck/back pain and headaches that appear when I start a new rotation. Posture is telling, and students/doctors who stand up straight appear to know what they are doing. Without knowing it (at least consciously) I've been slouching and leaning this week - a sign that I don't want to look like I know what I'm doing (that can lead to lots of questions and pimping* from doctors) and in turn my ears feel like they are hovering just below my ears. It hurts. Hot, hot showers, a heated rice rabbit and lots of layers around my neck have helped things to relax and I'm going to make an effort to breathe through things instead of calling on my SHOULDERS to answer questions. Standing up straight and (potentially) being taller then the doctors I am working with is okay. I'll look good (see above) and somehow that'll translate to what I appear to know. Or something.)

(*pimping = PIMP = Put In My Place = a commonly known medical term for being asked question after question in a sometimes condescending way that stops (for a short bit) once the student no longer knows the answer. The questions can start with common medical knowledge, then progress to obscure facts and eventually tred in the areas of sports trivia and operas. It's an old way of setting up who the "alpha" doc is and in large groups of students (something I'm not that familiar with) it can pick out one person and show their weaknesses. Often the questions come from when the doctor him/herself was pimped, and it means that I need to have a certain amount of somewhat meaningless info on hand to pull out to answer questions. Other medical students/residents/doctors should feel free to add their take on my description!)

happiness is...

2006-01-01T21:07:00.000-05:00

- spending the week catsitting
- driving a plow truck to clear out their driveway (that was an adventure that I'm not sure I'm willing to do again but now that my car is unstuck and the long lake-side driveway is clear I'm pretty damn proud of myself)
- marathons of Law & Order (all versions; thank goodness there are so many years of them to pull from, as I've yet to see a repeat)
- spending the last day of the year with Liz and enjoying homemade tomato soup and a fantastic grilled cheese
- Ringing in the New Year with a cup of tea, flannel pajama pants and an old sweatshirt, winding yarn into a center pulled ball (I finally learned the technique) and (now for something completely different!) episode after episode of Monty Python's Flying Circus on BBC America. (I love, love, love British sitcoms - both old and new)
- a recent sock yarn buying binge

for the past week or so, this is what has kept me entertained....

kitty yoga (believe it or not, she's purring; yarn is against her back, she's curled around my arm and side of my lap)

cat naps

stretching and twisting and turning (think of the core strength she has...)

curiosity about a yarn winding operation

(didn't hold her interest very long.)

Liz's homespun, a not-quite-finished scarf for my brother, sock #1 and sock #2.

A hank that she was selling on commission at her local yarn store. Once I saw it I picked up with plans to buy it - before I realized it was hers.

socks from home-dyed yarn

Sock #1 reminds me of a ball of rubber bands - I liked it better in the ball then knit up. It's future is uncertain. Sock #2 was an attempt at self-striping yarn - next time the chairs need to be further apart though, because the stripes are only a row or so apart. (I need to swatch and measure next time....) Ball #2 is my first center pull ball made using a cardboard tube.

I've been knitting, but knitters ADD has stricken and I've been flitting from project to project. Socks, the unfinished scarf and swatching for Rogue have kept me busy during my unfilled days but I haven't spent all of my days and nights knitting. Theresa is also planning to start one (at some point - no deadlines!) and I'm hoping to keep up with her if we start around the same time.

Having time off feels strange because for the past several months I've had to be in certain places at certain times and I'm not used to having so much free time. I'm still figuring out my place in the medical world and how to keep what I see with patients separate from my own life. It involves putting up "walls" or other barriers and the lines can become thin and movable in a community where I live and shop and drive with potential patients. I'm not sure how to best handle some situations but I (think I) am comfortable with being in the process. (I don't really have a choice, so choosing to be comfortable is a step in one direction...)

Tuesday, when my rotations start up again, I'll need to have a plan - socks for the days (lunches might be knitable, but I'm not sure yet) and Rogue in the evenings is my initial thought. The scarf is going to be my main goal for tomorrow so I can pass it off to my youngest brother before he starts his weekend ski trips. He requested one that would match his winter coat and I think he was pleased with this start when I showed him. I put off starting it because if he'd gotten into one college it was to be one set of colors - otherwise it would be another set.

The new year is here and I, like some others, shy away from resolutions. I still need to loose the 15 lbs (that is now closer to 20) that I've gained since being in med school, still need to get organized (moving in 6 months may or may not help with that because I still am not sure where things went after my last move last year) and don't meditate nearly as much as I'd like. Everything is a work in progress and if I think much beyond tomorrow I'll be totally overwhelmed; living for each day seems like a manageable goal.

Happy New Year!

I missed it!

2005-12-26T19:42:00.000-05:00

I missed the birth I was waiting for. Missed it! I've had my pager with me for the past week or so and was really looking forward to meeting the little one I had gotten to know over the previous six or so weeks. Tonight I ran out to the grocery store and didn't have it with me - when I returned to the house I'm catsitting at it was beeping. I called the hospital, thinking I had a long night ahead of me, only to hear that she'd delivered the babe!

(I suppose I should add that the OB shouted to the nurse that I shouldn't feel bad because *he* missed it too...)

I missed it. I'd only missed one other birth on my rotation - at the time I was dog-sitting and left to let the dog out. The woman, who asked me if I could stick around with her, who had been dialating 1cm every two hours then went from 6-10cm and pushed the little one out in less then half an hour. Why? because I left to walk the dog.

the lesson? When I am cat or dog-sitting the pregnant women that have asked me to be present at their delieries will progress so fast that I will miss it.

(edited to add: my mom reminded me that I predicted the babe would arrive today and it did. Yet I'm not nearly as happy about that as I should be. I missed it!)

(I am knitting socks while I swatch for Rogue; there are many reasons why it's the sweater I chose and now my decision is about which yarn to use....(and dare I say that I might need to include a few other colors of yarn that mysteriously bought themselves in my pile of "sweater possibilities" yarn?)

twenty-six

2005-12-24T00:09:00.000-05:00

today I am officially 26 years old.

I say "officially" because I've been trying it on and answering the "how old are you" question with "26" for the past few weeks. I like the way it sounds, and so far I've had good luck with it. I look younger then my age and though people questioned 25, no one has said anything about 26.
I'm finally on this side of my twenties, headed on to 30. I welcome the new year and if the trend of each year being better then the last continues then this is bound to be a good one.

I arrived to the world a few weeks early (I make no promises that the early thing will ever happen again) and didn't tip the scales much beyond 4lbs, but was healthy enough to get away with only a few extra days in the hospital. The cold winter didn't scare my parents and I grew to love layers and being wrapped in several blankets.

(the original polaroid says: Kristen and Linwood, Jan 11th 1980)

Today is bittersweet for me though, as the gentleman in this picture died on my sixth birthday. He was a phenominal honorary uncle who loved my family as his own and the smell of a pipe still takes me back to sitting in his kitchen with a homemade cookie straight from one of his vintage collectable cookie jars. The irony of his death on my birthday is something I take the time to think about today and our family has a grand time retelling his stories.

The holidays are a wonderful time for my immediate family as we have waaaay too much fun together. I wish you all a wonderful weekend and the happiest of holidays!

what I learned on my OB rotation....

2005-12-23T13:58:00.000-05:00

before I delve into the wonders of a med student's experience on the labor and delivery floor I want to thank you for the sweater suggestions. I think I know what's next, but I need to do some swatching before I make any final decisions. My mom pointed out that, for the past 20 years (give or take), I've never followed directions as written. Recipes always wind up with my own twists and additions, fabric patterns were altered and if I thought I could do it on my own without any references, I did. I don't believe in making sweaters out of "pictured" yarns, and still wing some of the things I've knitted. This sweater, the one that I will make for me, will have to be made by the book. I need a sweater success before I go back to flying by the seat of my pants. (it might be a challenge - on lots of levels!)

This week has flown by and I don't have a whole lot to show for it, but I finally feel like I've caught up on my sleep. I've had time to process the past six weeks and feel like it was, overall, a good rotation. There were several frustrating undercurrents that I made a point not to mention (no need to spread negativity) and now that I'm not immersed in the daily routines of being in the hospital I feel like I'm back to myself. One of my classmates taught me the med students creed and if it's the secret to happiness then I'll use it on my next rotation (it's used no matter what the situation): It's all my fault. I'm sorry. It won't happen again.

I've been known to say to people (nurses, doctors, assistants, etc) "I don't know, I'm just the med student and I'm new. " The ones who reply with something that reminds me to remove the "just" from that statement are often the ones who are the most helpful. Others are grateful that I've acknowledged I have no idea (where something is, for example) and exploit it. I tried to remain positive and remember that I'm at the bottom of the pile (nurses are high above me because they can chart, accept orders and administer drugs - this was made known to me over and over again) and my position in the scheme of things isn't permanent, but it's hard to remember when I'm over-tired and frustrated and often the reason for whatever the problem is/was. I never said or did anything that was inappropriate and often remained quiet when I probably should have said something, but it got me through. The doctors were great teachers and one birth in particular really did make the whole time worth it....

I often left notes with my pager number up at the laboring nurses station before weekends - most said that if a woman in labor came in they could page me and I'd love to come in. Saturday Dec 10th my pager went off at 11pm. I was getting ready to head to bed and paused to think about if I really wanted to go in before I called to see what was going on. A resident answered the phone and filled me in on what was going on, and hinted that if I came in I'd be able to "do" the delivery. That was all it took - a quick shower later (I've learned the hard way that when I leave for the hospital I never know when I'll be back again) I was on my way in.

The doctor who was "on" for the birth was a family physician, and he's seen me around and worked with me (and other med students) before. After we talked about the possibilities for this delivery he took the resident off the case and said that we could do it together; this later evolved into me handling the birth with him assisting.

The laboring mom and her husband welcomed me to her process and was comfortable with how things were going. It was their third child and she had a history of quick labors. This labor took a turn and wasn't quite as fast as we'd predicted, but after an hour or two of sleep it was time to be everpresent in the labor room.

The doctor I was working with had spent some time training with midwives and he taught me a technique to minimize tearing; when it came time for her to push, my hands were the ones on the baby and with the help of the doctor, a bright-eyed babe entered the world without any tears or cuts. I was hesitant to apply as much force as I needed to for the shoulder delivery, but he was there to help out and now I have a (first hand) idea of what it takes to deliver shoulders. (doctors do this part of the delivery differently and this was just one technique) It might have taken an extra contraction or two (of her pushing vs. just a quick cut and the baby being out) but as soon as the placenta was delivered we were able to put the bed back together and leave the room without needing to spend more time repairing things. (we went out and greeted the two bleary-eyed-just-woken-up (in the middle of the night) older kids and gave them the news - that was priceless.)

The difference between this delivery and the others I was at are many, but the one that stands out in my mind was the confidence the doctor had in me. This wasn't' t his first time working with a med student, and it wasn't the mom's first delivery. He was right there to help and had enough experience sitting "back" that he was relaxed through the whole thing. His relaxed (but ever aware - he wasn't lackadaisical about it at all) attitude helped everyone in the room to relax - and that, I think, was key to the success. His experiences aren't something I can count on every doctor having. The whole delivery was calm (in retrospect - there was some yelling and some pain but it was short lived and they said well worth it) and the beauty of the birth process was crystal clear to me. It's the delivery I hope to have with my own kids. (and showed me that it's possible to have a med student there...)

other things I learned....

- new, just born babies sometimes look like old men. A few have coneheads. People who have never seen a new baby can be surprised and might need reassurance that the babe is really okay.

- the placenta is still amazing to me, but it's not always amazing to everyone else in the room. Some women don't realize that it will still have to be "pushed" out a few minutes after the baby. We always said that it didn't have any bones and shouldn't hurt. That said, however, women who have birthed more then one baby will probably notice that the afterbirth cramps are stronger and can be more painful. This tiny little tidbit isn't well known and second time moms often remarked that they didn't remember that aspect of the process.

- While on OB I will have at least one pregnancy and/or delivery dream a night. Giving "birth" nightly is exhausting and not good for quality sleep. (I have no idea if I had boys or girls but it was probably a nice mix of both.)

- guessing the correct weight of a baby once will always be remembered. (it was 9lbs 2oz and I will probably never forget it)

- walking, a birth ball, the hottub, rice socks and hot blankets can all be used for pain relief, and what works for a few minutes during one contraction might not work during the next one.

- Pregnant women are not "ill" because pregnancy isn't a disease. Sometimes, though, pregnant women do get sick or hurt.

- sometimes med students feel like crap and need to go to the doctor too. A trigger point injection and some manipulation can leave me feeling 100% better.

there are many other things I'm sure I've learned, but a week away from the floor (no call on the other babe we're all waiting for) has cleared out that part of my mind. (I can't wait til I get a chance to do it again though...)

it all started when someone told me about a beautiful sweater.....

2005-12-20T17:01:00.000-05:00

top left to right:
greenish cascade 220 (initially bought for a Rouge cardigan)
a green tweedy Jo Sharp Silkroad Aran Tweed
green/blue/purple cascade 220 quatro (read this yarns potential fate below)
Bottom left to right:
Jo Sharp wool in an icy purple-gray color (an after-test yarn splurge because it was on sale)
Bartlett wool in blueberry (bought after my mom's sweater in this yarn was finished)
Rowan Big Wool in Berry (this yarn screams "warm!")

another view of the yarns - somewhere between these two pictures is where the "true" colors exist. (the Aran Tweed looks better when it's not sitting next to the cascade...)

At the most recent Harlot Sighting at Willow's bookstore (last October?) I had a chance to meet up with a group of knitters who were all at Rhinebeck this fall. Kellee and I discussed the merits of cascade 220 (it started with a "perfect sweater" discussion) and she mentioned that she had seen a beautiful rendition of St. Brigid done in 220 and it was as soft as it looked. A helpful link pointed me in the right direction and after I'd poured over Vicki's page on her St. Brigid I was convinced I needed to make one of my own.

I'd emailed with Katy about the knit-a-long, but I tend to shy away from group things and didn't think a knit-a-long was the best idea for me. In the emails I learned where the pattern was (in a very much out of print book - Alice Starmore's "Aran Knitting") and learned that I could probably use InterLibrary Loan to get ahold of the book. After a little paperwork and a few weeks wait I had it in my own hands, and know that I can get it again if I decide to go ahead and knit this one up.

St. Brigid is one of the sweaters that catapulted me into reading knitting blogs - the pattern was simple enough that the cables really stood out and it wasn't too fussy looking and had a true feminine edge to it. (that could have been the models wearing it, I know, I know.) I like cables, and after hearing it was possible to knit it up in cascade 220 the wheels in my head started turning....

I had six skeins of the purple/blue/green quatro in my stash that were a result of a special order during a local store's winter yarn sale last year (12/04). I called them a month or two ago to see if they had more of it in the same lot and they did (!) so I picked up another 4 hanks. I love the colors of this yarn and bought the 10 hanks after I fell in love with the way it knit up into a warm winter scarf. Now I have enough to go ahead with the sweater, but do I have the time?

A sweater for me is the ultimate project but so far my attempts at them haven't been too successful. My noro sweater needs to be taken apart and re-knitted with some waist shaping and additional length, the sonnet sweater needed a trip through the washing (felting) machine to be wearable and my striped brown sheep cotton sweater is still in time out for sleeves that aren't quite right. I did finish a warm (and simple top down raglan) sweater for my mom last year and I've had great luck with kid's sweaters, but my confidence in another sweater for me is shaken.

Part of the problem is that I have no idea what looks good on me. Margene and Claudia are great examples of people who know what styles look good and what sizes are best for their body types - I don't think I've figured that out yet. I do know that cardigans look better then pullovers (and are more practical) and that some negative or less ease (or a more fitted style) is more flattering. But putting those things together into a sweater that I'll wear? that's the trouble....

I have enough yarn for several sweaters but only a (relatively) short time amount of quality time to spend with my knitting before the craziness of my rotations starts up again. Do I make a simple top down cardigan in the blueberry Bartlett because I know it's simple enough to work on? Do I knit something up with the big wool because it'll be a fast knit and warm enough to wear this winter? Is a Rogue finally in my future? Or I do start swatching the quatro for a St. Brigid and do the best I can with it before I start in the hospital again?

I don't know. I do know that until some of the above it knitted up, I do not need any more sweater yarns.....

while I'm regrouping....

2005-12-20T00:33:00.000-05:00

here are some links to one of my favorite things about this season.......

You've seen this - but have you seen all of them? (these bring a smile to this sister of an engineer)

my favorite television commercial - who doesn't love a headlamp?

and a short (free!) film staring a Santa Tree Ornament who is on a mission

I'm officially done with my ob/gyn rotation and have two weeks off* before starting a six week stint in heme/oncology (the study of blood and cancer). The last week of ob ran me ragged (the combination of a storm and a full moon!) but I had a good time and had a great delivery that made the entire thing worth it. A final "what I learned on this rotation" is in progress and will appear sometime this week. (The belated happiness is.... post may show up at some point too.)

(* though I am free of any hospital duties these two weeks I asked to be paged when a patient that I've been following comes to the hospital in labor. I met her during my first week on the labor and delivery floor and saw her 1-2x week for 6 weeks. She asked if I would be there for the delivery and I can't wait until I get the call! She will deliver in the next two weeks so now it's just a matter of waiting for the page...)

knitting: it's great to have time to think about what is next up on my "to do" list and after a few small holiday projects are completed, I think it's time to dive into a sweater. Today I went through my set-aside-for-a-sweater yarn stash and have a few contenders - more on that to come when I can get daylight pictures. I sent a handful of hats off to Kaleidoscope Yarns today and my fingers are crossed that they'll arrive before the deadline for getting them to the shelters. (I'm not worried about entering the contest - I just want to make sure they get to people who need them!)

All in all I'm glad that I have some time for myself right now but I do feel more disoriented now that I don't have a place to be every morning. My car looks like it's been lived in and the library of books in the backseat all need to come in and be reshelved. The pile of clean laundry waiting to be ironed could take over a small country and I'm afraid of what is possible if it ganged on up on me with the waiting-to-be-washed loads - all I know is that I'd loose. The piles of yarn all over the house need to be gathered and sorted and put away (somewhere?) and I need to figure out if everything in the fridge is still good. Life seemed easier when I just didn't care about these sorts of things....

(I think I'd like a helper elf for Christmas. Is that possible, or am I too late to order one?)

another thing (or two) to be happy about....

2005-12-08T20:26:00.000-05:00

it's not Sunday but there has been enough going on for me to recite what happiness is midweek:

- hot hot tea with fresh lemon and honey
- today is my friend Katie's birthday
- I was able to take a looong nap this afternoon (and woke up feeling 100% better)
- my board scores arrived today, and I passed. :)

I'm excited that this aspect of my third year is over and I can stop thinking about "what if" and relax. Thanks for the good thoughts sent during the exam - I owe you all.

happiness is....

2005-12-04T20:49:00.000-05:00

- a sock-in-progress knit with trekking xxl and size US 1's (tiny for me)
- koigu, waiting for it's turn on the needles (or to be shoved into the stash; it's fate is still up in the air)
- a pager that did not go off this weekend
- a "my so called" scarf that is thisclose to being done
- fresh purple juice
- being able to sleep in, two days in a row

I'm working on some holiday knitting, but it's a collection of simple things that I can pick up and put down. Chances are good that they'll be done by the 25th, but if not it won't be the first time I've gifted balls of yarn and needles with the promise of a finished product. I'm itching to get going on a pair of socks on US2s, but I'm trying to limit how many socks I have going. (I have a cabled pair of "homemade dyed yarn socks currently stalled just before the heel" currently on the 2s. Working on them again will require thinking. I'm not there yet.)

I didn't realize how tired I was until I had time to sleep this weekend. When I am at the hospital or in the clinics I am "ON" and go and go and go because I love what I'm doing and I'm excited to be there. (especially when women are in active labor and babes are being born left and right) It's not until I "stop" that my exhaustion catches up to me, and I enjoy being able to sit around the house in my jammies with cups of tea, junk tv and my knitting. I love to shop but hate the crowds of people and traffic that is out this time of year, so I stay out of the way and get what I need to (groceries and gas) in the late evening hours. It's cut down on my yarn buying because by the time I get out, the yarn shops are closed!

I'm 4 weeks into my 6 week ob/gyn rotation and I can now see the benefit of a 4 week rotation. At this point I know my way around the floors, know the nurses (and which ones are good and which ones are excellent), and have seen some patients more then once so they now know who I am and ask if I'm around to help with their monitoring... but I feel like I've been doing this a long, long time. Next year I'll have the freedom to create my own schedule and 4 weeks is the standard length for a rotation. (even in my internship year of residency the rotations are 4 weeks long) This isn't to say that I won't put 100% into the next two weeks (and perhaps the few births I'm hoping to see in the two week "winter break" I have after that) but hearing about how my classmates are sick of what they are doing is dragging me down. I do love OB, but the days without any action sure are loooong.

(this means that my ob/gyn ramblings will only persist for another two weeks; then knitting and dyeing and even drop spindling return to center stage)

Theresa, a knitting 4th year med student, is someone I met at the first Willows-YarnHarlot book signing I attended. She just started a blog - please go and say hi!

And Elinor, a former lurker here, just started her own blog too - check out Exercise before Knitting and welcome her to the knitting blog world.

what I learned this week

2005-12-03T17:28:00.000-05:00

Knitting is happening, there just isn't anything interesting to post pictures of...yet. This will become a knitting blog again soon, as my ob/gyn rotation is 2/3 over and I've only got another 2 weeks to go.

- women come in all sizes, shapes, heights, weights and ages, and with various previous birthing experiences, but everyone dilates to the same 10 cms.

-Epidurals don't always work. There is no way to tell, before an epidural is placed, if it's going to work. Most of them do work. If it doesn't work, there are other alternatives. The anesthesiologist can be a laboring woman's best friend.

-There are things that lamaze (and other forms of childbirth education) doesn't teach: pushing will hurt, but it might feel good to be doing something. The action of pushing uses the same muscles that are involved in episodes of consitpation. If you think about and feel like you're taking the biggest dump of your entire life, you're pushing correctly. (chin to the chest and curling around the baby might not feel great at first, but it's much more effective then arching the back and throwing the head back. I say that with absolute certainty because I've seen the difference and women "move" the baby down further when they're curled.)

-there are many ways to describe the stages of labor (aside from the well documented and classic "Three Stages of Labor") and one way is by looking at who comes into the room and what they are wearing. For instance: the nurse sees you for a labor eval. The doctor is called. The doctor arrives in nice clothes to check in with you. The nurse checks in (again and again). The doctor checks in and you're almost completely dialated. The doc appears in the room dressed in scrubs (getting close!). The doc gets dressed in a snazzy sterile blue get-up (even closer!). The room fills up with a baby nurse, a labor nurse, another doctor clad in blue and lots of "stuff" for the babe. This is a sure sign that the arrival of the little one is mere minutes away.

The birth plan = c-section observation is something I've been thinking about and I have a few additional thoughts on how it works *in the hospital system I am in.
(* this is important because I have limited experience outside of this hospital system, and do NOT believe in generalizing because there are always exceptions to the rule.)

- the women I've met who've presented the nursing staff/doctor with a birth plan have been young, and often have sisters, cousins or friends who have encouraged them to write up a plan. This could be because the women's friends/family didn't have the birth they wanted and wish that the laboring woman have a better experience OR because the friends/family did have a plan and feel that the positive experience they had was because of the plan.

- many of the women are not familar with hospital policies. The hospital that I've spent the majority of my time in has standing requirements such as each woman have a heplock or IV and that's often one of the things people wish to avoid. (most wish to hydrate themselves by drinking liquids, which is fine, but there are cases when medications need to be given quickly, and that's what the iv access is for.) Some wish to eat whatever they please during the labor and it's oftne the policy that clear liquids are all that is allowed (for many reasons). Many wish to walk, move around on the birthing ball or use the hot tub for pain relief; that's encouraged, but every 45 mins or so we ask them to stay in one place so we can monitor the baby's heartbeat and contractions for 15-20 minutes. The people who don't realize this feel restricted and it can lead to frustration that could be avoided if the policies were discussed beforehand. (I have more time to spend with patients then the doctors and nurses and try to answer as many questions and explain everything because I think an educated patient feels more comfortable with the situation they are in, and that can make for a better overall experience.)

- some women with birth plans come to the hospital for labor induction. The process starts with an overnight cervical ripening (which requires constant monitoring overnight) and the next day a medication (that is a chemical analog to the body's own natural labor starter and uterine contraction creator) is started. The medication requires an IV and IV fluids and some find that the contractions are stronger then with "natural" labor. This means that the nonmedication-based pain relief isn't as effective and then some feel like failures when they ask for pain medication. To some, this is a surprise because they didn't realize it might be "harder" with the labor induction protocols.

- no one knows how they will handle labor until they are in the middle of it. Even moms who have done labor before might find that the labor they are in is nothing like previous labor experiences. Some who are sure they'll be able to labor without any pain meds are disappointed in themselves when they feel as though they can no longer take the pain, while others who walk through the door asking for an epidural have labors that move too fast for any pain medication.

- sometimes expectations (such as those found in a birth plan) seem to hinder progress. Most of the birth plans I've seen are for "all natural" labors** and they are frustrated with how slow things can move. Women who are tired and in constant pain (sometimes) do not progress as fast as those who are more comfortable and able to "open up" to let their body do what it needs to do. There are a few reasons for a c-section and two of them include "failure to progress" (not dialating or the baby isn't moving down) or a babies inability to handle the labor. In the failure to progress cases (when the baby is doing fine) an epidural can be all it takes for everything to relax and rest and dialate.

(** I now believe that a "natural" labor is one that results in a baby.)

note to self:

2005-12-01T22:58:00.000-05:00

apparently "shouting" the phrase "It sure is QUIET (QUIET QUIET)" to the internet works better then silently chanting it at a nurses station.

Last week? nothing, nada, I didn't get any calls for deliveries.
this week.......
Tuesday: 2 new babies
Wednesday: 3 new little ones
Today? 4 down, 2 are resting and will probably deliver in the next 12 hours.

There were random other deliveries (middle of the night deliveries, ones when I wasn't there because I was out in offices, c-sections) that I haven't been a part of, but overall I am very excited at this turn of events.

I've been working on my trekking sock and though I like the fabric that size US1's are producing, I must say that I miss the speed and "fastness" of the 2's. It's been slow going because I've been busy! (that's not a complaint, simply an excuse for why I haven't been knitting....I miss it, but know I'll have time to pick up the needles again soon.)

I've seen a lot, done a lot, learned a lot and must say that seeing a baby enter the world is nothing short of spectacular. The whole event leads me to be incredibly giddy and I've been known to jump and hop down the hallway. I need to learn to contain myself because the nurses are starting to make fun of me......

happiness is....

2005-11-27T20:09:00.000-05:00

- new, freshly laundered flannel sheets and a new pillow
- homemade pepper and chicken quiche, with plenty of leftovers for breakfast/dinner this week
- my immediate family all together this week (all of our feet under the table, as my mom puts it)
- a year of this blogging thing down (another one to go?)

- a garage and a driveway that I do not have to shovel or plow (both things are a step up from my parkingban'ish place (with on street parking) last year)

- 8 finished hats to be sent off to warm little (and big) one's heads. (all are at least double thick or are made with two strands tightly knit yarn due to Norma's friendly request from the last time snow flew)

(tonight the ends will be secured)
- being on call this weekend and getting a call to be present at two births this weekend
- my youngest brother asking me to knit him a scarf to match his jacket

I knocked a few potential knitted gifts off of my "to do" list after evaluating who was going to receive what this year; my lists aren't long, and 98% of my holiday season shopping was done before Thanksgiving. Our family discussions have concluded that no one needs any more "stuff" and because it's as much of a birthday season as it is other holidays season we've vowed to enjoy our time together as much as anything tangible.

Two years ago I knit everyone a scarf and my youngest brother got one made out of a yarn with as much plastic as wool because his ski trips mean that whatever he wears needs to be washable and it seemed like a good idea to make it in his loud school colors. This year he surprised me by requesting one in more mature colors, similar to the one I made our other brother. I've got my eye out for some navy and burgandy cascade 220 and then the "what stripe pattern is best for him?" debate can begin.

My leftover/barginbin/why did I buy this again? yarn pile is sloooowly shrinking as I finish the donation hats. I've aways to go before it's finally gone but it is nice to the yarn finally being used up! It's also helped me to justify a few online purchases that may or may not be used for some birthday gifts...

This rotation is really squishing my knitting time and I've been trading it for sleep. I am looking forward to being able to think about complicated cables and fair-isle projects again....

What I learned this week:

I wasn't scheduled to be at the hospital Thursday through today but I left several well-placed notes with my pager number urging them to please call me if someone in labor came in. It was a very quiet (QUIET QUIET QUIET (if me chanting it doens't work then perhaps "shouting" it across the internet will work)) week and I knew as soon as I wasn't in there'd be some action. I was called in on Friday and two new little ones entered the world! The docs I'm working with let me in on the "schedule" of due dates in the next three weeks and at some point there will be A LOT of action. My fingers are crossed I'll be there.

Those with a birthplan will have everything they planned for happen opposite to the way they want(ed) it to. (for instance, several nurses shared that their experiences have shown that a birthplan = c-section, for a variety of reasons.) I'm still figuring out my own reasons but I've seen it happen.

Some women, even first time laborers, will smile until they are 5-7cms dialated. Their sense of humor is is an important guage in the scheme of things (the smiles do, in general, decrease as time passes) but it is not an absolute measurement of progress.

It is also important to note that most women are exceptionally polite throughout their entire labor, even with lots of encouragement to drop the niceties. (it's hilarious to me that someone who has been pushing a baby through the birth canal for 45 minutes (that's normal - nothing to be alarmed by dear pregnant readers) and is using lots of colorful language, will still stop and appologize if/when she hears she could push another way. Then she'll say "thank you" when I get ice chips and a cool cloth and in the next sentence spew half-formed words to everyone else in the room.)

I love obstetrics, but I do not really want to be an obstetrican. The family doctors that I'm working with get to follow the moms and the babies, whereas the OBs just follow the moms. One doctor told me that she thinks I'm a closet pediatrican and I had to agree with her - but even if I went that route I wouldn't get to help directly welcome a babe to the world. Another reason for me to stick with family practice....

happiness is....

2005-11-20T23:39:00.000-05:00

-a cat, in my (scrub clad) lap, inspecting my (for charity) knit cap.

it met her approval - she settled in for a nap. (I was spread out on a futon, and with her on my lap I put everything I thought I'd need for the next 30-45 minutes right next to me so as not to interupt her sleep...) I spent the night with the three of them before returning back to student housing.

-setting up a "tuck in call" with a Sheep for Thursday night (I've never done this before, we don't have that particular store in this area and no, I don't plan on shopping the next day; I just couldn't pass up a sheep putting me to sleep...)
- knowing that there is a scheduled c-section tomorrow, so at least one new babe will enter the world
- strong, hot tea with lemon and a smidge of honey
- finally remembering to take my vitamins
- dogsitting for a few days/nights later this week

I'm tired. OB has an interesting schedule and though I don't mind the late nights, the early mornings are killing me. I'm not a morning person - even with copious amounts of coffee and tea I am just not happy (or awake) until 9am. The 6:30am rounds are wearing me out....

I've been doing a lot of charity knitting with the hope that when I'm done I'll have turned 12 balls of (bargin, traded or leftover) yarn into warm, thick hats for kids and adults. It's mindless, instantly gratifiying and for a good cause. I'll return to things that require thinking (sock heels, sweater planning, mitten figuring) when I feel like I can think about something non-medical. I hear it'll be soon - I do have Thursday off.....

(What you've said about white coats is interesting and all of the "views" I was hoping to see represented are there. I'm going to wait until I feel more "on my game" to write about it. Right now I'm up waaaay past my scheduled 11pm bedtime, and 5:45am is going to come tooo soon...)

an answer for you (for the price of a question.....)

2005-11-17T22:06:00.000-05:00

I realized last night that the well thought out section on how the undyed yarn was chosen for being extremely madeover (a passage that involved a letter, interviews with the friends and lots of desperation) was left out of the post. Oops. Posting pictures (the way that I have been) is an exercise in patience and sometimes it publishes itself before I'm done.

Many asked about which dyes were used for the last batch; the answer is dyes from prochem. (I have two sets of kits (for cotton/wool) that were reasonably priced; my only gripe is the relatively expensive shipping but it was sent out fast.) I experimented with drink mixes last winter and as much as I liked how good and fruity my kitchen smelled, the colors were too pastel-ly and they seemed to fade as I used objects knitted from them. The dye day at Julia's this summer was just what I need to see that using chemicals isn't that complicated, and the colors are far superior to grocery store buys.

The process I use is a combination of what I saw that day and the result of a few emails with Claudia. It's really rather simple and pretty failproof, as long as I keep an open mind!

Step one: acquire "blank" yarn. It doesn't have to be white! I've enjoyed knitpicks free shipping on the "color your own" line more then once... Figure out how much you want to dye and then fill the kitchen sink with water and a splosh of vinegar. Drop the yarn in and make sure it's completely underwater (or at least all wet). I've found that up to three hanks of yarn is a good fit in one side of the sink.

at the same time, or after the yarn is all set, put together the crockpot (used from a second hand store or one that won't be used for food again) with a vegetable steamer (ditto). The plastic wrapped yarn rolls will eventually "steam" in this and it's not a good idea for th e yarn to come in contact with the water. (I solved this problem by elevating my steamer with an old ceramic mug. I like to use an inch or two of water so that I get a good bit of steam.) Turn in on high and let it sit. (It's a good idea to put the crockpot near where the yarn coloring is going on; trying to transfer yarn across the kitchen when it's dripping with dye isn't a good idea - trust me on this one.)

Step two: while the yarn is soaking, get the dyes together. It's important to note that any coloring agent is non-discriminatory: I wear clothes that I don't care about and limit my work area to a small section of the kitchen counter so if I notice a spill I can clean it up asap. The dyes from prochem include directions but I don't always follow them. Empty water bottles (think 20 oz'ish with spout lids (or not - I don't have them and it works out okay) are what I use to mix up the colors. I wish I had a scale to precisely measure out the powders, but that isn't practical for me right now so I simply sprinkle the powder into the bottles. I've thought about dedicating small measuring spoons to my coloring process, but haven't gotten around to picking up a set yet. (I do this part of the process with warm-ish water. Add water to the bottles and then mix in the powder - and remember that (with chemical dyes) a little goes a long way!) The bottles are good for storing the colors if they aren't all used up. (I either do this in the other sink or I switch this step with the next one so I can set up the colors on the plastic wrap. This is more fun then setting plastic though, so I usually do it first!)

Step three: Lay out sheets of plastic wrap. There are many variations on this, but this works best for me. I start out by overlapping to long "strips" of plastic wrap and then add a third over the seam that has been created. I am living in a house that is considered "student housing" and so I'm a bit paranoid about dripping onto the countertops. My initial biggest mistake was not making the strips long enough; look at how long the hanks are and then go bigger. Plastic wrap that doesn't wrap all the way around the yarn is nothing but a BIG mess. Get together as many long "sheets" as you'll need and set them aside; once the dyeing starts it's hard to stop and arrange plastic wrap!

Step four: Rescue the yarn from the sink, one hank at a time. (ideally it's been in there for 20-30 minutes) Gently squeeze it to get most of the water out of it - I've no advice on how to do this, or how much water to get out of it. I leave it so that it's damp, but not dripping. Place the hank out on the plastic wrap and add the colors. I have done it a few different ways - and haven't been disappointed because I've kept an open mind. The colors will spread out and eek into the other colors if they aren't totally soaked into the yarn. To try and avoid this I add one color at a time, slowly, and in between colors I pseudo-wrap the yarn up to try and mush the color into all of the yarn. (I worried about the middle sections of the yarn not getting enough color - mushing helps with this.)

Add color as you want! I started out with two colors in various patterns and intentially blended some. The yarn directly laying on the plastic wrap will be the most mottled because that's where the extra yarn will settle.

Step five: when you're set with adding dyes, wrap up the yarn. I wrap the ends in first, then roll it up, as best I can. (too little plastic wrap makes this hard!) If it's dripping (at this point) I hold it over the sink and gently squeeze while letting the water run to dilute the colors. I can't afford to color the sink! (it hasn't been a problem but I don't trust it to sit and then come off without a fight.) Then it's into the steamer - I liked to spread it out a bit, but keep it wrapped upon itself. I do the dark colors first, then set the lighter dyed colors on top so that if it drips or bleeds it won't discolor the bottom roll.

Step six: repeat the process for as many hanks as you've soaked, adding them to the "sauna" as they are finished. My crockpot and vegetable steamer comfortably holds three rolls - the same as the sink.

Step seven: the hardest part - wait. The yarn needs to steam and get good and hot to set the dye, so I let it be for an hour or two. Then I turn it off and take the lid off to start the cooling down process. It's wool, and one of my fears is felting it - so I don't rush this part! After it's cool to touch (it will be HOT! when the crockpot is turned off - if it's not, then it's not done yet) I pull it out and let it sit in the sink for another stretch of time so I'm sure it's room temperature. Then I run the water so that it's lukewarm (in the other sink) and run it over the yarn rolls. The plastic wrap is sometimes mangled and fussy - just get the yarn out and throw the plastic away. Rinse out the yarn - the water should run clear - then hang them up somewhere to dry. Step back and admire often. Once it's dry it can be reskiened/balled and used!

I hope that makes sense - on a students budget, after the intial investment, it's cheaper and more satisfying to dye my own sock yarn then it is to buy it. I've been somewhat intially disappointed in how it knits up, but a pattern change or a needle size change has often made all the difference in pooling!

Now, a question for you:

What are your thoughts on white coats and doctors/med students? Do you think doctors should wear them, do you expect doctors to wear them and do you even think about it? Please share your thoughts on this matter - I'll hold back sharing my opinions and most recent ramblings until I know what people think and/or where you're coming from.

Yarn Gone Wild, or "Extremely Madeover: Yarn Edition"

2005-11-15T21:29:00.000-05:00

once upon a time there were three very colorless hanks of yarn. They always felt very underdressed when spending time with their more vibrant friends.

Their friends were required to wait in the, er, waiting room/chair.

here they are - just after going "under." They risked being in the hands of a med student because, as they put it, being a dyepot mistake is better then being like all of the other undyed hanks of yarn out there.

the sock yarn was up first; it had requested lots of colors, in no real pattern.

mission accomplished!

hank #1 of the worsted weight (they both dreamed of someday being a part of a mitten) was doused with warm colors; the goal of "peaches, reds, yellows and lots of blending" appears to be achieved.

Hank #2 was covered in cooler colors, and just after this picture the plastic wrap aided in lots of color blending.

then it was off to the sauna for a long, hot steam.

after the steam they cooled, and hung to drip dry and recover for a day or two. Then it was time to show off their new look!

old friends are reunited and everyone seems pleased with the makeover. (Yes, they might seem to look similar, but the yarn weights are different. Yarn liposuction to reduce worsted to fingering weight is still being perfected...)

everyone, busy at work. The blue/purple/green sock yarn is seen here modelling a cabled sock in progress; this is pattern attempt #3 and appears to be working. It's stalled right now because the needle size, stitch count and pattern are making the heel difficult. (notice the white medical tape holding needles together - a sure sign it was worked on in the hospital.) The worsted weight yarn is realizing it's dream - a mitten in progress!

the other side of the mitten; I got wild and crazy and reversed the motif colors, just to see if I could. I can, but I'm not sure it's the best idea for the mitten. (I really should have waited for proper mitten ratios but it fits okay and will be warm...)

(not shown are a pair of socks started in trekking xxl and another sock made with hand dyed yarn. The yarn that looks black is really the navy blue cotton liner for the Kristen fair isle hat.)

happiness....

2005-11-14T23:45:00.000-05:00

IS:

- the last few sips of apple cider, heated up with spices
- five knitting projects, all fighting for my attention
- the smile on a new mom's face after seeing her baby enter the world (after a day of labor pains and colorful words and lots of "I am NEVER doing this again" 's)
- not having to be at the clinic until 8:30 tomorrow morning.

IS NOT:
- the significant other who decides to yell at the doctor next to me and I because he thinks the medical care his "girlfriend" is getting is second rate and a load of (fill in colorful words here). (the internet has taught him to be a doctor and therefore she needs an ultrasound now, damnit.) (I am still unsettled by the whole encounter and will try and process it all before I fall asleep tonight)

- five knitting projects who are all at forced stopping points because I haven't yet learned that I should follow a pattern. (mittens that I'm making up as I go along because I had the yarn and needles and no pattern so I'll just swatch and oh no it looks like I'm going ahead and making mittens I'm too attatched and committed to rip it all out now), two pairs of socks - one that is stalled at a heel that I'm not sure is working and another that I'm trying to decide if the stitch count and needle sizes are compatible (and if the finished sock will fit...)) and the fair isle hat that I feel I can't really work on until I master two hand knitting (see mittens, above).

- starting the diet named after a particular beach during PMS. I should have known better. Really.

- a pictureless blog entry; I'm working on it. OB is keeping me busy, and out waaaay past my bedtime.....